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Should I postpone surgery
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08-05-2001, 11:25 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 13
Hysterectomy: August 29th, 2001
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Should I postpone surgery
I'm so confused. My long awaited hyst is scheduled for August 29. As horrible as it seems, within the last 2 weeks my husband has left and moved in with another woman. My daughter and I have found somewhere else to live (can't afford to keep the home of my dreams). We can get in the new place the weekend of August 25th, so I can have some kind of order there before my date. I kind of would like to go ahead with the surgery and depend on my wonderful friends and 15 yo daughter for moral support, but I just don't know if I can do it. I'm an emotional wreck dealing with the rejection and hurt of the seperation and am just not sure if I can handle major surgery right now. Whomever has any words of wisdom I would appreciate it and most of all your prayers. Thanks. Feel free to e-mail me tennnancy@aol.com. All my family is 15 hours away in Memphis and I live in Virginia Beach.
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08-05-2001, 11:59 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 64
Hysterectomy: August 31st, 2001
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Should I postpone surgery
Dear, Dear Nancy!
My heart just dropped!! I'm sending you a monster !!
I'm not sure if I have the right words of wisdom that can comfort you. Please read my post to Linda Wilde. I've explained how men just don't know how to handle being sensitive and your DH is a perfect example and then some! Men are pigs and, again, that's probably why I'm divorced. I have no tolerance for insensitive men. But the time that you need him most...he not only leaves...he shoves being with another woman down your throat! YIKES!!
Girlfriend, with all you have going on, I'm not sure if you should postpone or not. If it were me, having suffered chronic pain and flowing for 4 yrs to the point where it has interfered with my daily life and my functioning at work....I would go through with my long-awaited surgery, no matter WHAT obstacles were thrown at me...including the DH leaving and having to find a place to live just before the scheduled surgery. It's good that you have friends and a wonderful daughter for moral support.
But listen to your body and decide what takes precedence here. Can you deal with the emotional trauma now and put off the surgery until some indefinite time? Or are you ready for the surgery and can you deal with the emotional trauma post-surgery? If the latter is true, please be sure you have plenty of family, friends, etc. that you can call and can be there at your side instantaneously. Hopefully your 15-yr-old is mature enough to be your "sounding board" and the shoulder you can cry on.
Honestly, no man is worth putting you through this...you need to continue with your life with quality, pain-free living and kicking you when you're down is the lowest of the low. (Sorry for all the male-bashing..I'm about to dump my boyfriend!)
But, Nancy, my heart goes out to you and I'll have you in my prayers, sweetie! Please let me know what you decide and feel free to email me any time! norart201@aol.com
Love ya!
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08-05-2001, 01:48 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 26
Hysterectomy: August 7th, 2001
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Should I postpone surgery
Dear Nancy,
I am so sorry. I know you must be just sick and I understand what you are going through. Shame on your husband for leaving you at a time like this. I am having my TVH on Tuesday and I filed for divorce in May. However, my husband is sticking around until I recover. I struggled with the same question, especially after my 16 year old son got himself in trouble recently with drugs and burglary and has been in the juvenile detention center for 3 weeks now. There have been times recently when I could not eat or sleep and I have been on an emotional rollercoaster.
Are you currently on your husband's insurance? If so, you may want to take advantage of it while you can. Also, the divorce process can take a very long time and things may get worse before they get better. I briefly considered canceling my surgery, but I figured with all that is going on, the surgery is one good thing that can bring me on-going happiness. You have enough to worry about already without having continued health problems. If you have the support of others while you recover, go for it! I think you will feel better post surgery having one less thing to worry about. Think of how much stronger you will be physically and mentally without your health problems to keep you down. You will be better able to handle the other struggles in your life while boosting your self confidence.
I hope this helps you at least a little. Feel free to email me if you need to vent. Hang in there!
HUGS, Lora
TVH - 08/07/01; excessive bleeding & cramps, anemia, migraines, probable adeno
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08-05-2001, 08:44 PM
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((((Nancy)))))
Its times like this when we wonder how much our heart can endure. My heart aches for you and your DD. I will keep you both in my earnest prayers. God listens when we pray, He hears your sobbing, He feels your heart breaking into a million pieces and He feels your anguish. Know that He is craddling you and your daughter in the palm of His hand. Lean on His strength for He gives it away freely to His precious children. I am so sorry for you, my words are inadequate to express the sorrow I feel for both of you.
Nancy, Is there any possibility of postponing your hyst until a later date? This surgery carries alot of emotional baggage with it and it also tends to magnify the heartaches in our lives. You are already experiencing a tremendous amount of emotional stress as well as financial stress. The surgery carries with it the possible emotional overload in this kind of situation.
Yet, if it is urgent that you have it done now then make sure you have a super support team to help you through it all. And your daughter will need to be reassured that mom isn't going to leave her either physically or emotionally. I always tell the sisters that you must concentrate on yourself for once, because you will need all the attention and care for awhile. You may not have this luxury ; therefore, your recovery may be more difficult along many aspects.
I know you must feel a great deal of resentment for being forced into this kind of decision. I will earnestly pray for you while you make your decision and I will also pray that you will have peace in that decision.
Hugs & earnest Prayers,
Tina
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08-05-2001, 09:43 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 68
Hysterectomy: April 30th, 2002
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Should I postpone surgery
Oh, Nancy, my heart and prayers go to you and your daughter. You sound so brave in your post.
Lora's mention of your husband's insurance is good. Another thing to consider is if your surgery was not going to be covered under his insurance anyway, and if your surgery is not of the emergency kind, this may be a time that you and your daughter can bond in some very extremely important ways. I know 15 years olds can seem very mature, and many are, but many also know how to put up a good front. With my girls, the difficult part of their teen years didn't happen until later--about 17 and 18. Spending extra time with your daughter now at 15, plus during this difficult time, may mean more even later.
You say you have wonderful friends, and I am so glad! Please depend on them to help both you and your daughter with your decision. Even if your family is 15 hours away, another point for postponing may be that you could travel to see them, if you felt up to it. Another good time of being with your daughter, plus family, while this huge thing is happening in your lives and before your daughter goes back to school.
The timing of your husband's leaving couldn't be worse, could it? Again, you and your daughter are in my prayers. You have some time before the 29th to make your decision. Go as slow in deciding as you can.
I wish you peace.
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08-06-2001, 03:36 AM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 2,682
Hysterectomy: August 28th, 2000
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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Should I postpone surgery
Oh Nancy , wish I could be there for you. It is just so devastating when some one we love does this.
As for the hysterectomy , like Tina says if it is at all possible , postponing the operation is probably a good idea. A few years ago , I had my tubes tied. A week before the op. my father died and I still went ahead with the procedure. I had a very hard time dealing with the pain of the op as well as the emotional pain of my dad's passing. This hysterectomy is major surgery, you will need alot of emotional strength . Have a chat to your Dr and see what he/she thinks. The decision is ultimately yours , but please remember that we are here to help you. Much , much love to you and your dd. x x x
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08-06-2001, 09:32 AM
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Dear Nancy
I can't tell you whether to hold off on surgery or not. I know this must be devastating for you. Whatever you decide that you and your daughter can handle - just remember that we are here for you: in Love, Peace, Anger, Sorrow....every step of the way..... NO MATTER WHAT!
May angels of mercy and love surround you and hold you.
Love always, Pam
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08-06-2001, 11:34 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 42
Hysterectomy: August 20th, 2001
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Should I postpone surgery
Nancy
I wish I had the right words to say but what can really be said at times like these. I am praying for you and your daughter because through him all things are posssible. You know I think of times like these when I am in my most pain and I am laying crying because I am starting to feel like I can't take it anymore. " I say to myself" Carol there is someone out there that is going through much worse pain and suffer. Then I just ask the lord to help me to keep holding on.
GOD SAID
If you never felt pain - Then how would you know that I am a healer?
If you never went through difficulties-- How would you know that I'm a Deliverer?
If you never felt sadness--How would you know that I'm a Comforter?
If you never were broken--Then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you had all power-- Then how would you depend on me?
IF YOUR LIFE WAS PERFECT---THEN WHAT WOULD YOU NEED ME FOR? GOD BLESS
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08-06-2001, 11:47 AM
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Guest
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Posts: 177
Hysterectomy: July 11th, 2001
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Postpone or not?
Only you can decide whether or not to carry on with your surgery. Pain is a major factor. In 1998 I went ahead with surgery (bladder tack up and rt ovary and appedix removal) even though hubby was in Korea for a year. We had just moved back home and all my friends assured me they would help me with my kids. They were 6 and 9 at the time. It became a mess. I did too much due to feeling guilty that my friends were doing my housework. I ended up with cellulitis and seroma and it ruptured and I spent 4 more days in the hospital. Looking back, I would have waited. But my hubby was coming home. Is your situation going to become easier or more difficult as time goes by? Listen to your body. See if your insurance will pay for a home health nurse. That would help considerably. Whatever you decide, these great women are here to listen. I am so sorry about your situation. If there is anything I can personally do to help...let me know, mail or IM me any time! =)
Debbie
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08-06-2001, 01:09 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 376
Hysterectomy: March 28th, 2001
Surgery Type: TAH
Ovaries: Removed both
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Should I postpone surgery
Prayers are being sent your way. No one can tell you what to do. If you are now miserable, it might be good to go ahead and be ready to start a new life, but you have to know hormones could make you emotional if they are not corrected.
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