...but the 2nd time wasn't any better. booo hoooo

UGH!!!!
I'm SO CONFUSED! My libido is still UP! I start/ed off wanting to have some time w/hubby after moving into our new house (where I did not overdo anything!). Making out was fun! But then when it started to get serious- BAM! It's NUTS! My legs get stiff and lock up and I practically hyperventilate. Over WHAT?!! It didn't hurt the first time! I didn't spot, not even a SMIDGE! WHat is my problem? Why is my body reacting like something bad is about to happen?
Hubby got frustrated too, last night, which is the VERY last thing I need. I'm more surprised by my reaction that he could possibly be, and I don't need pressure from him. That butthead even said "It's BEEN six weeks, and we've already done this once, so I don't get what your deal is!" GR. He apologized this morning, but he doesn't get any points for it.
What IS THIS? This hurdle is starting to feel really big, and I know it's got to be a mental thing. I was unconcious for the surgery. I have NOT watched the youtube vids. I take in as little info about what went on in there as possible. Doyou think if I can just get him to do it a couple of times that my body will stop associating anything in my vagina as being a threat?!

Thank you sisters!

Nicki

I can't offer advice from experience because I'm still not there yet.....if you know what I mean.

But, it sounds normal to me. Look at all we've gone through. I'm sure next time will be better. Don't beat yourself up too much!

It will get better. This too shall pass... I can't really say much either because I'm not there yet but you just have to keep telling yourself that it will get better. I hope it gets better for you. And men, sometimes I swear, if they had to go through some of the stuff we go through...things would be a whole lot different! Just make sure he knows his comment wasn't appreciated and if he ever wants to get lucky again, he better calm down.

Your body remembers trauma. Your muscles have memory as weird as it sounds. Ever broke a finger, and you have to constantly make it bend after it healed? Or cut your foot badly, and even after it heals you walk funny because it hurt for so long?

Same with this. Your mind associated that whole area with pain, discomfort, trauma. You know it doesn't hurt, you've already experienced that it doesn't hurt. It's just going to take time for your body to relearn.

It's going to take understanding from your hubby, from yourself. Frustration will only delay the relearning process. And possibly even reinforce the body's notion that something is wrong with you.

There isn't! You just suffer from a version of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's very real, and it can take a while to overcome it. But you will. Relax, don't get frustrated, and it will happen.

It sounds very normal. You have been through a trauma & maybe you are not mentally ready yet. You should wait until you are ready. We are with you!

Try not to be so hard on yourself or your husband. You are both under a great deal of stress recently and now the time to stick together. Why you are reacting this way is a mystery to you and all of us - why should your husband be expected to understand? Not to make excuses for him but I'm sure you would feel a whole lot better right now if you weren't mad at him. Right? Try talking to him, who knows maybe be talking and just verbalizing what is bothering/concerning you may give insight into the entire problem. If nothing else it may help your husband feel less frustrated and confused enabling him to be supportive. Maybe you should discuss this with your doctor. they may be able to help. From an outside perspective you have been through a lot in a relatively short period of time. Give yourself a little more time to recuperate and settle into your new home.

I was actually relieved to see your first post on this topic because I had been so embarrassed myself that I had a breakdown after the first time as well even though there was no pain or bleeding afterwards. Second time we actually completed the act--haha. Third time he did not hold back with as much care--I had a mini freak out again and found myself trembling afterwards out of fear even though again there was no pain. We've held off since then--I've resumed work and have absolutely no energy left over for anything else! I think what everyone one else says is true--that we have been through a trama and it is just going to take time. At some point we will forget ourselves in the moment and all will be okay. At least that is what I am optimistic about!

I understand completely. My LAVH was about the same time as your surgery. We have had intercourse twice, but not full penetration as Im too scared. I do have a few tender spots down there and I just about jump out of my skin at times during FP in anticipation of pain that doesnt come! My legs tremble and Im so tense Im exhausted afterwards. My DH has been very patient and he only does what I allow him to

My doc said alot of women altho cleared for sex at 6 weeks just arent ready and tell their DH their not cleared for another couple of a weeks. So its normal to feel tense even tho we 'want' it. Its very conflicting and frustrating. We are still early in our recovery as far as resuming normal activity and we need to remember that and not expect too much.

I love you guys. Honestly, this was a breath of fresh air to read!

I'm still in the mood for love, so tonight I am going to try going on top, and maybe if *I* have control that will help. Hubby said that he will allow me to try and if it doesn't work out, we're okay.

thank you for the reassurance!!!! That felt like a big warm hug from heaven!!!!!!
OXOXOXOXOX

Nicki