LAVH: It's really hitting me

Okay……. I can’t stop crying. I mean my period over the last 17 years has been a pain in the tushie! The multiple pad changes during the night, the cramps, the ruined clothes, the pain (OH THE PAIN!!!). So why am I balling my eyes out that this is the last period I will ever have? It was funny…. yesterday when it started (Had a D and C in February, so this the first time I’ve bled since) I was almost in tears. Not because I was miffed that I got right before St. Patrick’s Day or relieved that I wasn’t pregnant, but because I realized I won’t have my ‘friend’ anymore. I know in my head that my ‘friend’ was really an enemy, but …… well I don’t know how to explain it? If my past history with my ‘friend’ is any indication I will be on my period until my surgery on Monday, March 26. I thought I made my peace w/ the loss of my uterus, but maybe I haven’t. I made the decision long ago not to have children (several other health issues) but now, maybe I’ve made a mistake. I have two fantastic step-sons that live with my husband and I full time, so I am a ‘mom’ in all the ways that count. Still….. I don’t know. I guess I just needed to put this on here. Thanks for listening to me.

I think even if we decided or were resigned to no kids, a hyst just seems to be so final and take away all choice----even if really there was no choice. Somehow it seems we must have that back of the mind feeling that we could always change our minds, or overcome any obstacles, someday, somehow. I had no kids and was even postmenopausal and it still hit me, too, that finality. I think many of us just feel the loss of a uterus and need to acknowledge the loss of an organ, loss of a dream, loss of what might have been. You have a lot of company in that. I guess I'm just saying, you are not alone. This is a good place to talk about this.

mrsejv-

Feelings of loss is very normal. This is much different than having an appendix removed. Your uterus has made its presence known to you (for better or worse) for decades and now that is being taken away from you. Of course you are upset. I cried several times before my surgery and even more after it. Being this emotional is very normal - and greyown is right it has nothing to do with having kids. I never wanted kids either and I was impacted by this. I am still working out the feelings of loss and mourning, and I am 10 months post-op.

Take care sweetie. Get on this site and post your fears, feelings of sadness and loss, and whatever else you are experiencing. We really understand, and are here to help you through this.

(((Super Hugs)))

Thank you so much ladies. Living with all men is making this kind of difficult. Don't get me wrong my husband has been so very supportive of me, but well he has an outie, not an innie! I want to ask him how he would feel in the weeks leading up to the removal of .... say .... his testicles. I know my uterus doesn't make me a woman. Or does it???

I totally understand where you're coming from. It's a hard decision not matter how many problems you had. I'm not sure why but I think part of it is tied up with our idea of being a woman. I agree with the other 2 ladies about the kid thing. I have no kids and tried for many years to conceive. I haven't had any real meltdown yet since surgery but I am only 8 days out. I am just grateful at this point that I am in less pain than I was before surgery.

It can still hit you hard. Maybe it's the finality of it. I was going through menopause and needed a total hysterectomy because of non stop heavy bleeding (found out it was cancer) But now that it is done with, it sure is nice not bleeding anymore. Kinda like a new found freedom. Then again for me it reminds that I'm not a spring chicken any more even though I feel like one.

Many of us feel these feelings of sadness, loss, and grief. I miss my periods (which were short, light, and predictable), I miss my supply of pads in the cupboard, I miss taking birth control pills. I still feel sad and angry that I had to give up my reproductive organs. This really is the hardest thing I've ever been through. I didn't like having the choice or the option of having a baby taken away from me. And even if your monthly "friend" was more of a frenemy, it still can be very difficult. Remember that you are never alone and there are others who understand and went through the same things. And we made it out safely on the other side. We owe it to our families and ourselves to take care of our health.

THANK YOU all so much. It's been a hard day. Hubby had to go to ER due to an issue w/ his knee replacement. I had to put my emotions on the side for a bit. I was in pain the entire time, but of course I couldn't show it or mention it (my husband is terrified of the hospital/doctors - white coat syndrome). the nurse did notice my unease and asked about it. I told her. While I'm not embrassed to tell those I know, it was weird telling a total stranger. She was nice and all, but ----- I don't know it kind of hurt telling her. Not sure why. I don't think I'm embrassed.

so sorry to keep going on and on. I guess my emotions are just all over the place today. Thanks for all the support and once I get through this, I hope that my experience will allow me to help other woman.
Good night and God bless!
Hugs

It is okay sweetie. We have been there and really understand. This surgery, both before AND after is quite the emotional . But we are here for you...

It is really hard for men to understand this. It just is not the same for them. It even can be hard for another woman to understand this who has never gone through it.

For your husband, though, there is a site called Mister Hyster Sister. It will help him understand what you are up against.

I am sorry to say that you have to expect up and down days for a while, and these may be more intense after your surgery if you are like me. BUT we will get you through this... one day at a time....

hey there, i know how you feel. i have my surgery scheduled tuesday. i know in my heart its the best decision to get rid of all my medical problems, but its still hard. I keep asking myself, "will i still be a woman?" keep your head up. big hugs