Kids at the Castle

As the big day draws nearer, I'm trying to solidify my plans...

DS (age 13), DD#2 (age 9) and I sat down and talked about my upcoming castle stay. It all started when DD asked me what a "unerus" (a.k.a. uterus) is and why it had to come out.

Anyway, DD starting getting teary-eyed again about the thought of Mom being away from home. They both became quite insistent that they want to visit me that first evening. I read somewhere on here that child visitors may not be a good idea the first day. I think they (especially DD) will worry if she sees me "out of it" with I.V., cath, etc. I fear she'll also get her feelings hurt if I'm not real talkative because we are very close. She doesn't even want to go to school on the surgery date...instead she wants to go to the hospital and wait with DH. That is out of the question. She'll worry even more. I think going to school will be a healthy diversion. I've told her teacher about the surgery and warned her that DD may be a little emotional.

I'm wondering if some of the princesses can let me know how they handled this...Did you allow your kids to come to the castle on the night of surgery or have DH wait a day before bringing them? Thanks for sharing any ideas or experiences.

My daughter is only 3 years old and I wanted her to come see me that first night just so she could be reassured that mommy was OK. I told her ahead of time what was going to happen and I wasn't sure how she would handle seeing me with all those tubes and stuff. Ended up being a very good thing for her to see me to make sure I was OK. Ended up she didn't want to stay long, just needed to see I was OK.

Your daughter is alot older then mine but I think you should go with her wishes, even if it means letting her stay out of school that day. But really IMO more then anything it's a good idea to let her see you the night of surgery, just so she can see that you are OK, even if you are "sick"! I think in the end, my 3 year old was good because I prepared her enough of how I would be after the surgery.

(She still talks about how the doctor cut me open and has to see my scar!)

Good luck to you

Hia

I was warned by hospital staff not to let my DS (age 8) see me the first day/night ... I was on oxygen, had tubes/ ivs/catheters/ 2 drains and was on sooo much morphine that I was spaced out, in/out of sleep and didn't talk much, he came in the next morning before he went to school (about 21 hours post op), and I felt a lot better ... to receive visitors. I am also so glad that he didn't see me like that because he would have just worried & become more upset, and would not have concentrated at school !

You know your child, be guided to how you think they will cope under the circumstances.

Toni xx

My DS 11 and I have specifically told my DH not to let him come the first night I don't want him to get upset and see his mum in such a poor state, maybe I am beig over protective, but I think you have to go with what at the end of the day your child can toletate seeing, my DS is very protective of his mum and dad so I would not want to put him through seeing me like that, he is more that welcome to see me the second night, as I will not be so much out of it. and so many tubes in here there and everywhere

This is my personal experience from when my mom had a hyst many many years ago. I was 19, medical settings have never been a problem for me, at that time I was studying to be a med tech. HOWEVER nothing prepared me for how out of it my mom was the first night. I was very upset to see her hooked up to the IV, O2, etc, and she was completely out of it, had no idea my sister and I were there, she was moaning - not my mom at all. Her roommate, who had surgery the day before, said don't worry, I was just like that yesterday. Yes, the next night she was sitting up and almost normal.

It was very traumatic to see my mom so helpless and has stuck with me all these years. I refused to allow anyone except DH be at the hospital the first night.

If you are up to talking on the phone, maybe calling your kids would be an alternative.

Best wishes.

Few of us post-op sisters report having our own rooms. Remember to factor a possible roomate into your plans for visitors. Most rooms in older hospitals are very small.

While I had a TVH and was just in over night and only my DH came to see me, my roommate had a TAH with repairs done. My husband was sort of uncomfortable sitting there even though she was on the other side of the curtain. She was in dreadful shape but had a constant parade of visitors of all ages and tons of phone calls she could barely answer.

Just my two cents.

My DS is 10 and I homeschool so he wasat the hospital during my surgery and then after surgery. I made sure to prepare him that afterwards I would not be feeling well and would have things sticking out everywhere. He did very well and was good for him to see I was okay and even better for me to see that he was okay. He would have preferred staying with a friend but I was selfish and wanted him to be close when I woke up.

I think if you prepare her and if it makes her feel better to be there it will be okay. It sounds like she could use the reassurance of being close to you.

Best of luck and may God bless you.

A BIG question to help determine if your kids should visit you is What type of pain management will you get after surgery? An epidural or pca pump?

I had an epidural and was totally aware of everything, not sick, not dopey, and not in any pain. My dh came with my father and brought my kids to see me after he called to see that I was in my room after surgery. I told him I felt great and that it was O.K. to bring the kids.

It was my request for Dh to bring dd age 2 to wait while I was in surgery since I wasn't comfortable leaving her with my father. I wasn't sure if she was going to fuss. We never leave our kids with a sitter. My father kept the older kids ages 5 and 7 at home. They did not go to school that day! Dh had to drive me to the hospital for me to be there at 6 am for surgery at 7:30 so we left the house at 5:30. Since the kids had to get up very early 4:30 am to have breakfast, get them dressed for the day, and say goodbye to me, dh didn't think they would be able to concentrate much during school. He would have had to leave the hospital to come home and pick up the kids to take them to school. It was requested that he stayed at the hospital the entire time I was in surgery to get a report from the dr. after it was over. The kids were happy to spend time with grandpa at home since they don't see him to often. :-)

After surgery was over dh and dd age 2 headed home since I was going to be in recovery for awhile. Once in my room dh called to see how I was doing. I said I was feeling great and told him it was ok to bring the kids. I wasn't sure how I was going to feel before this so that phone call helped. He and my father brought all the kids. My father helped hold the while they gaive me a gentle hug. They were happy to see that I was O.K. One brought me a balloon and my ds bragged how he wanted a balloon but hubby said he could have one when he had a hysterectomy. lol I was happy, smiling, and was able to talk to them normally. I did have a little pump attatched to my gown near my shoulder that continuously pumped meds into the epidural. I also had an I.V. but I told the kids to expect that.

Later the 2nd afternoon once the epidural was out and I was moved to another room, I was feeling pretty nauseated and no one answered my call button. Hubby walked in with the kids, saw me not doing to well and got my father and the kids to step out. Hubby went to get the nurse since she wasn't answering my call button. Thank God he was there. I got zofran in my I.V. and he was going to leave but I wanted him to stay till the feeling past. I was glad that my father was there to help watch the kids in another part of the hospital while hubby was there. It wasn't long before the zofran kicked in so dh went on home. Soon after that I went for my first walk with the help of a nurses aide and then returned to my room. I had a picture of the kids on my side table. I was feeling a little depressed because I missed them. To my suprise hubby came back that evening with the kids again. I was very happy to see them. I don't think I would have been able to not see them the entire hospital stay.

Use your judgement on this. If you will be doped up on a pain pump with morophine in you I.V. you may want to wait but think about a phone call letting your kids know that you are O.K. if they are to afraid of seeing you like that. It's best to tell them what to expect. Warn them that you will be hooked up to an I.V., may not be fully awake, so they don't get scared. Some kids who aren't warned may be more afraid. Same thing goes with girls and their periods. If I was warned about it from mom I don't think I would have been so confused and scared.

My older dd age 5 knew what the uterus was since I always answered questions whenever she asks. I haven't told her about periods yet but will do so by the time of her 8th birthday. She wanted to know why I had surgery so I told her that it was because my uterus was pressing on my bladder, kept me going potty a lot, and causing me a lot of pain. I did not mention anything about bleeding to her since she was only 5 at the time.
She is pretty smart and soaks up everything. Good luck to you and I hope the responses help you to make an informed decision.

If it were me, I would keep your kids home and not force them to go to school. If you don't feel comfortable with her visiting you, a phone call at home or update from your husband would help rather than having her wait and worry till she got home from school. You could ask the teachers about any work that will be missed that day so they can get it out in advance. You could even have a friend accompany the kids with you to the hospital and have your hubby take a peak at you first while the kids are in the waiting area with the friend before letting the kids come up.

P.S. about the catheder, I was able to get that and bag coverd up with a blanket so the kids never noticed it.

Thanks for all the responses! Definitely gives me some food for thought. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so close-minded about the school issue. Her attendance is excellent, so it wasn't that, but my fear that she'd be bored and/or scared in a hospital all day. Maybe I'll see if she brings it up again in the next couple of weeks and go from there.

I'm not sure what kind of pain management I'll have. I have a "pre-op phone conference" with my doc 2 days before surgery, and it's on my list of new questions. He's kind of "old school" so I'm predicting the PCA vs. the epidural. (I should remember as I used to work in that dept. of the same castle, but I honestly can't recall the routines of all the docs). I just don't recall any of them using epidurals for pain control, but that was almost 3 years ago and I know times have changed!!

I am planning on preparing little gifts, (something small), with a special card for each that they can open the afternoon of the surgery just so they know I'm thinking about them.

Again, thanks for all the great input and ideas. I really appreciate all!

I wanted to add something in reference to your quote....
"She doesn't even want to go to school on the surgery date...instead she wants to go to the hospital and wait with DH. That is out of the question. She'll worry even more. I think going to school will be a healthy diversion. I've told her teacher about the surgery and warned her that DD may be a little emotional."

I remember when my grandfather had heart surgery and I was about 13 at the time. I was allowed to go with my parents and grandmother to the hospital to hear how he did during and after surgery. I never did go into his room to visit him. I stayed in the waiting room while each person took turns visiting, but I was glad to be there and know that he was O.K at THAT time. If I had been in school, I think I would have been more worried not knowing anything till the afternoon. I was able to hear and get updates immediately when the other family members knew and it was still morning. So even if your kids can't visit you, she may want to be a part of the news when the dr. comes out and says how you are doing. I know I would have felt left out if I wasn't part of something so Major in my families life. Dh could spend the day with her and ds bonding and going down to the snack shop or something. Maybe after you are in recovery, he could take her and ds out to lunch or something till you are back in your room recovering? Just a thought. I had a friend come with dh and dd age 2 in case he had the chance to see me and they wouldn't allow her in the room. To my suprise dh was allowed to bring dd to the preop area while they got me ready for surgery. She was smiling and I was very glad she was there. A previous bad experience with a sitter made me very uncomfortable leaving the younger kids.

Your dd may not want to bring it up again fearing you'll say no. How about asking what your DH thinks about this? I went along with mine. I planned on sending the kids to school but he said it would be to much going back and forth when he wanted to be with me.