Eviction Notice - or how I see my upcoming hyst

Hi there Ladies, Princesses and Sisters alike

My trip to the castle is less than three weeks away!

I've noticed that as my 'crowning' approaches, rather than feeling anxious, I'm really calm about my decision to have a TVH. This is in part due to the wonderful support and information I've found here, but also because it occurred to me that I have had an adversarial relationship with my uterus for years will be glad that, come June 23, the fighting will be over and hopefully peace will once again reign in the 'kingdom' ...

One night, as I was desperately trying to distract myself until my pain meds kicked in, I came up with the thought of issuing an eviction notice to the nasty tenants that have caused such chaos! Those of you with similar experiences might find a bit of humour in what I wrote -- I definitely found writing it be cathartic.

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I, anastasia1230, being the sole and exclusive Owner/Manager/Beneficiary of "The Kingdom - A Property Management Conglomerate" due hereby notify Uterus and Cervix that, due to repeated and serious violations of the Body Organ Accord (BOA) entered into on December 30, 1969, you will be formally and completely evicted from your current residence in "Pelvis Place" by noon on Wednesday, June 23, 2004.

Uterus, the details of your violations are as follows:

• > Despite forced relocation on two previous occasions and with wanton disregard for the property boundaries set forth in the BOA, you continue to usurp space granted to your neighbors thereby negatively impacting their ability to exist happily within The Kingdom. Bowel, Bladder, Vagina and, by proxy, Lower Back have all have filed formal complaints on this matter.
  
  > Although regular visitors are not expressly forbidden in the BOA, your choice to allow Aunt Flo to visit for extended stays each month; your failure to maintain any semblance of order during said visits; and allowing utter chaos to reign within "Pelvis Place" and "The Kingdom" at large during her visits is completely unacceptable!
  
  > Finally, Uterus, you are guilty of the most serious violation possible, one clearly and succinctly forbidden by the BOA and reason alone for eviction: Subletting. To the horror of The Kingdom, you have allowed the undesirable, thoroughly destructive and shockingly prolific Endometriosis and Fibroid Families to move in to your space. The repercussions of this breach extend far beyond "Pelvic Place" and cannot be tolerated any longer.

Cervix, your violations are as follows:

• > While not responsible for the ‘abdominal wanderlust’ exhibited by your partner, Uterus, you are, without a doubt, an accessory to the infraction. Vagina, specifically, is aggravated by your encroachment and has filed numerous complaints accordingly.
  
  > Cervix, your most serious violation, as in the case of Uterus, also involves the expressly forbidden practice of subletting. The Dysplasia Colony that you permitted to take up residence with such speed and ferocity this year was on the verge of inviting the most feared of the unwanted tenants, Cancer, into the neighborhood. Even though the Colony was radically evicted by The LEEP earlier this month, you have proven that you cannot be trusted to adhere to the BOA.

The option to evict was carefully considered on all levels, and I, anastasia1230, do firmly aver that the entire Kingdom will be infinitely happier, and ironically, more productive, once the aforementioned tenants have been evicted from "Pelvic Place".

--- Well, that's all I have to say about that (and 'that' is enough! Whew!) Thanks for 'listening'

Great post anastasia!!! I love a good laugh- esecially right now ( my nerves are shot!)) Thanks for giving me a chuckle~!!

very good, well written, Hope the bailiffs are up to the job

What a writer! That was excellent!!!!!

It was hilarious!!!!!

what a HOOT!!!!

Thanks for sharing it!!!

Mind if I borrow it?

Wow, that belongs in the Hyster Sister Top 10 Posts if there is one.

What a hoot. Excellent writing, you go girl

Wow, Thank you everyone! - I'm glad I could I inspire a giggle or two.

Feel free to borrow it grouchy - I'm going to give it to my DD at my Pre-Op appt... Afterall, he will be the one executing the eviction!

s to all
anastasia

Loved your post and the visuals that entered my mind while I read it. That may be the only post my DH will read and understand.

LOL, me and my SO laughed so hard at the eviction notice notice for the residents of Pelvic Place!


I will have to forward this on to others who I know would really appreciate this!