lack of support from others

I am having my TAH this Tuesday November 30, and am getting more and more fearful and emotional as it gets closer. You have all been such a tremendous source of information and support to me, in responses to my introduction post and reading past information.

I am generally a strong decisive independent woman, but as my suregery date approaches I am more in need of others, and find those closest to me have pulled away. I am not getting support from those I need it from the most.

My boyfriend of many years, who is normally so intune to my feelings and needs, normally romantic, passionate and supportive, has become withdrawn emotionally and physically when I need him the most. When I try to discuss it, both our fears, etc. he becomes defensive and it gets worse.

My parents do not think I have the right doctor, am not going to the "best" hospital, and think after all my research and making the very difficult decision not to do the UFE but that the TAH was best for me, they think that is too drastic and wrong.

My girlfriends are upset I might not be a holiday parties, and those that have had cessarian births feel it's the same, and they were back on their feet taking care of a baby and household in a few days so what is the big deal.

Are people just downplaying to make me feel better, because it is not? Are people just so used to me being the strong helpful one that they can't help me now? Anyone of you experienced this preop, just when I need support the most?

I have two days to get myself ready emotionally and physically, and prepare my house, and find I am spending alot of energy trying to make everyone feel okay about this. If it is like this now, I fear it will be worse post op, especially if I don't snap out of it right away. I am growing more anxious and fearful as Tuesday nears, help......

biolifestyle, I hope today is better for you.

I also experienced some similar - my dh (who does not always excel in the "supportive" dept anyways)focused more on fixing a lawn mower - while I was totally focused on preparing the house, stocking up etc to make this all easier afterwards. The inbalance made me nuts, but I guess it's just different coping - we were both scared & just react very differently.

The c-section I have learned is a very common comparison. In my short experience so far w/this it doesn't look like there is any way to change that - I guess people try to find their closest reference point?

You sound similar to me - I have always bounced back from everything & have been the queen of "this won't get me!", so this is major uncharted territory - not only for ourselves, but everyone around us!

It is MUCH easier for me to look at this & be patient with myself finding my way, now that I have the surgery behind me. A week ago was a very differnt story! I bet they needed less anesthesia because I barely slept between anxiety, reading up, preparing etc!

The last couple days before are absolutely the WORST.
Good luck to you - it will all be behind you soon!

Hi Ladies,

It's very difficult for people who've never been through a Major surgery to relate. It doesn't mean they aren't concerned, they just don't understand. While I didn't have a c-section, to me a hysterectomy is different in that they are removing an organ, not just a baby. So I think the recovery is going to be different.

People don't realize it will take 6-8 weeks of healing and you might not feel like partying at Christmas because you could still be very tired. Hopefully they will come around and be supportive once you're home. Men especially find it difficult to express their feelings and will get distant and quiet. Don't take this personally. They just don't know how to act. Perhaps if you talked to him and explained how scared you are and that you need him, he will feel needed and be there for you more. Men want to fix things and this is something he can't control so he feels a little lost. Hang in there, he will come around.

One thing for sure is, you have to decide what is right for you. As well meaning as our family is, only you know what you've had to live with and what the best choice is for you. Perhaps seeing you need them is hard for them to accept since you're the strong one. But most people like to feel needed and hopefully they will rally around you once you get home.

Just know we're praying for you and feel God wrap his loving arms around you to protect you. Sending s and best wishes for your surgery and recovery.

Blessings,
Judy

I am having my surgery on Tuesday. And yesterday my husband got mad over something,and now he won't talk to me or respond to me at all. It was a miner thing over money for him, but he seemed to work it out for himself now.Bit I still get the silent treatment.
But he responded to me how am I supposed to get you to the hospital then. right now I want to tell him I will take myself and don't want him there.
All I have done since yesterday is cry and sleep,and I don't know if I will be mentally able to handle the surgery.
This is a norm for him, if he isn't happy nobody is, but i just can"t handle it right now.
Thanks for listening

KEY WORDS MAJOUR SURGERY

somtimes we find its moments like theese that weed out the mear friends from the truely best friends.

having a baby has not been considered major surgery for quite some time.
C section though unpleasent does not involve removal of the uterus.

let all these women here be your best friends. until thoese in your life come up to par.

the incession may be similar but the repair and removal of the organs is much different.

you will share the incession pain, and thats all that is incommon with c section.

christmas for you should not be about obliging anyone.
if you read a few of these threads you will hear how this is the time you must take to heal properly.

dont try to please other people at the risk of your recovery.
if they are true friends they will understand, and if they dont treat you the way a friend should tell them so.

maybe they dont realise how much they suck right now.

my own friends are quilty of down playing my situation expecially my sister whom i thought would at least be there to understand.
you are not alone
you are a princess
you are beautiful
you are woman.

take care.