Who to take to hospital with me????

I'm SO confused (and new here, too). I am scheduled for a vaginal hyst. on Jan. 17th, due to uterine prolapse.

A bit of background. I've been married for a little over 10 years, however, my husband left me in July 2006. We are on friendly terms, and MAY BE attempting to begin to work things out, but he's still very closed off about it. He lives 100 miles from me (I moved back home) now.

He has offered to come stay with me during my surgery, but says he'd rather babysit the kids, and let my mom go with me to the hospital.

Truth is, tho, I WANT him there. I can't explain it. Maybe I just my OLD husband back, and I'm sure that won't happen. He is holding back from me now, for various reasons, and he doesn't really want to talk about them, but I *need* for him to talk to me about it.

Back in 2002, I had to have my gallbladder removed and my mom was supposed to go to the hospital with me, too. She never showed up. That SCARES me! She's been an RN for nearly 40 years, so I *should* want her there, but I don't. We aren't very close, although she likes to think we are.

I honestly feel like, if dh doesn't want to be there with me, I don't want anyone else there, either. I have no sisters, or close friends that I could ask. NO ONE. Literally, NO ONE.

I've read tons about the surgery, recovery, etc, but you just never know what to expect. I've *seriously* considered simply taking a taxi and going it alone, without any help. Or driving myself. I think even after anesthesia and on pain killers, I may be a safer driver than some of the taxi drivers I've seen!

So, any ideas for this situation? What would you do? Will it be possible for me to survive with only 3 very self suffient homeschooled kids to help me? They know how to cook, clean and take care of themselves, FWIW.

I hope it's OK that I mentioned the kids. I know it can be a sensitive subject, but I really didn't know how else to explain my situation WITHOUT mentioning them. I apologize if I've offended anyone, or done anything wrong!

Heather

I am sorry that you are struggling right now. The best thing to do is just talk to your ex dh. The fact of the matter is you will need help with the kids and him being there during your recovery may be good for both of you. However please be careful about your expectations. Keep them to a minimum if you can. You stand less of a chance of being disappointed.

As far as the surgery goes, it is my understanding you must have someone there. I know in my case I have been told and have read it in the paperwork that if someone isn't there when I check in for surgery, it will be cancelled. I guess that is in case of complications that you have a next of kin and somone to agree to drive you home once you are released. If not your mom maybe you can have a friend go with you.

Sherri

I had the same surgery for the same reason as you are having. I had my hubby go , but in your case I'm not sure how to answer this. It was nice to have someone there I knew when I woke up. I know how you feel about your mom, but it might be nice to have her there anyway. You couldn't drive yourself home from the castle so someone would need to be there for you. As far as the kids I'm sure they will be a big help for you when you get home. Mine were 16 and 5 at the time and they were a really big help. You won't be able to lift over 10lbs. for the first 6 weeks. I could drive at 2 weeks but all recoveries are different your Doc can tell you this. I also could not take a bath or swim either for 6 weeks. I hope things work out for you I know it is tuff when things aren't going the way you like. Take care.

sweetie, please don't go this alone. If your mom has offered to help ( even though you aren't very close) please let her. Let your husband take the kids. I know your ideal would be to have the man you married along side you, but that person just isn't here right now ( not to say he wont be back, some thing take time ) But if help has been offered, accept it. Maybe it will help to bring you and your mom a bit closer???
Regarding mom not showing for your gallbladder, remind her of that, see how she reacts...
I just think that perhaps you may be burdening your kids a bit too much.
Take time to mull it over, we are here for you!!
Rabbit

One thing I know is that they will not allow you to drive yourself home from the hospital. They even frown upon taxis in most cases.

I agree with the other (((sisters))) -- please don't try to do this alone. I didn't have my dh at the on a 24/7 basis by any means. He was there the whole day of surgery, but he went home at night and visited me for a couple of hours during each day I was there. Then on discharge day, he came by to be there when I got my discharge instructions and to see how my surgical dressings were supposed to be changed (since he was going to be in charge of this during my recovery).

At a minimum, someone needs to be there during your surgery and at least until you get back to your regular room, and then someone needs to come pick you up and take you home to get you settled. Since you're still married, it really makes sense that your husband be the person to be there during surgery, if only in case a decision regarding your care needs to be made. This also seems to make sense since you're nervous about entrusting this job to your mom (with good reason based on her track record).

After you get back to your room, then your husband could go and take care of the kids for the remainder of your hospital stay. This might be very good for all of them.

You might want to see if a friend or other relative (other than your mom) would be willing to be the person to pick you up and take you home from the hospital, or maybe your husband would be willing to do that, too.

Hope this helps.