My Pre-op story...what's yours?

After discovering some "stuff falling out", I went to my gyn in late June. She said it was my bladder and my rectum (YIKES!!), but that my uterus was still "way up there". She suggested some lifestyle changes and said surgery would happen eventually. When I went back in July 31 for my previously scheduled annual exam, she said my uterus was high, but it was "looser" than she'd thought previously. She said it was up to me when to have the surgery. I've had heavy, painful periods for about 6 years, and the past few (since my last baby) have been especially bad. Because of these problems, my family was all for it, and since I knew I never would be, I decided to just go ahead and do it. So, I am scheduled for a TVH, A&P repair, and TVT on November 16. I am scared witless and completely overwhelmed by the thought of not having a uterus anymore. I have 5 kids within 6 1/2 years of each other, and my husband had a vasectomy 2 years ago. Even though we know we're not having any more kids, I am sad about this loss. I can't even imagine how sad I'd be if I had to have a H without having children. I AM grateful for my beautiful babies. Outside the surgery part, I think I am most afraid of how I'll handle my recovery. I am used to doing alot for my family (my oldest child is only nine), and it's going to be really hard to not sweep, vacuum, do laundry, pick up my 2 year old, etc... I am terrified that I'll do too much or do stuff too soon and undo the repairs. I guess that fear is what will keep me in check, but I know me. As soon as I start feeling better, I'll over-do it. I'm trying to make it clear to my DH and kids how little I'll be able to do in the weeks following surgery. I suppose I'm trying to make it clear to me, too! I suffer from clinical depression, and have been taking Prozac for almost 3 years. But, with the stress and fear of this surgery, I have been feeling incredibly anxious and have had some depressed thinking, so I actually called and asked my dr for something for anxiety today, since Prozac doesn't really cover that. I have a bazillion questions...some of which I found on this site, thanks! I also left a message for her to call me so I can ask my questions. Anyway, this is my story, long though it is!

I had numerous warning signs for years that something was wrong, such as heavier periods, pain during sex, and minor incontinence. However, when I brought these up to my doctors, none seemed to put two and two together. Some even made rude statements, such as "If that sexual position hurts, then don't do it." I gave up and stopped talking to them, even when one announced (as if I couldn't figure it out) that I was peri-menopausal.

This April came the final straw. I was at a week long conference, and my period started. I cursed Murphy's Law, and suffered through the painful cramps and the frequent visits to the bathrooms to change supplies. However, the period didn't stop...and didn't stop. From mid-May until July 31, I bled like a stuck pig.

DH hauled my protesting butt to a new doc, this time a female. She examined, she frowned, and ordered a sonogram as well as the usual blood tests and mammogram. Yippee skippy. If my belly hadn't begun to ache since the bleeding stopped, I'd have walked out. I'm an extreme needle phobic. Blood tests rate right up there with going to the guillotine for me, and I'd rather have the guillotine.

Even I, a layman, could see the lab tech was marking every shot of my sonogram, sometimes in multiple places. I could see the odd white spots, some fairly large, on the screen. That's when the fear started, but I had to wait two weeks before I'd hear from the doc. Even when I finally saw her, she didn't say much, just "I'm referring you to a GYN. I have a few concerns, and I'd like him or her to do an endometrial biopsy." No other explanations. She did give me a prescription for the pain in my belly, though.

It would be late September by the time I could have that biopsy appointment, and the pain in my belly was growing right along with my belly. Suddenly, I looked pregnant! At 47, and having long ago had a tubal ligation, I knew I wasn't. By then, I was putting the pieces together on my own, thanks to the internet, starting with the term "endometrial biopsy." What I learned horrified me, but my GP kept saying I needed to discuss things with the GYN, and the GYN wouldn't talk to me until he'd seen me. Catch-22.

My work suffered, and for the first time in my career, I missed a deadline. I was forced to confide in my boss, who immediately put me on medical leave. Bless her, I'd find out later she was a Sister.

For one month, I fretted and worried, but I also found HysterSisters.com. Quietly, I wandered the message boards, growing angrier by the day. It was easy to see from the posts on the message boards that many of the Sisters had problems similar to mine. Many had already suffered the one alternative I'd found to a hysterectomy: ablation. I wasn't thrilled with the concept of an ablation, and it didn't sound like it would work for my problems. I kept researching and reading the posts. I made a notebook full of information. My anger faded to resignation, and finally settled into acceptance.

All the while during that long month, my pain and belly grew together. I couldn't wear half my clothes, and I bless the fact that I work from home. The narcotic pain pills only dull the pain now, and only if I keep my weight off my pelvis by either laying down or sitting way back in the recliner.

By the date of my biopsy, I probably knew more than I should about my condition, what the biopsy was really for, and what the likely outcome was going to be. The GYN didn't wait for the biopsy results. He marched me into the consultation room. Both of us dismissed Lupron or BC pills. We agreed that ablation wasn't what I needed. I finally held up my hand. "Let's cut to the chase, doc. You and I both know I need a hysterectomy. Which way are you going to slice me?"

He blinked, and got down to business since I obviously wasn't going to freak on him. (I'd already had my freak at home while I waited to see him, but he didn't need to know that.) It's been a month since the biopsy. I've not heard a whisper of the result, just the date of my surgery. I have a feeling he's got some bad news for me when I see him tomorrow for the pre-op consultation. I'm braced, just in case he mentions the "C" word. I'm prepared to let him take it all, and even though he promises he'll "try" an LAVH/BSO, I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up doing more.

Without the HysterSisters, I never would have survived the past month, waiting for my surgical date. I'd have put a gun to my belly and pulled the trigger. The Sisters have provided me with love and the "been there, done that" feeling of someone who really does understand. I've laughed, I've cried, and I've tried to give back a little of the love.

I'd guess I'm shell shocked at this point. There's not much more that can happen in the four days between now and surgery. The doc is a kind man. He's supplied me with enough Valium to stun a charging bull elephant so I can survive the pre-op blood tests (and the admissions IV establishment) with my sanity reasonably intact. Between the Valium and the Lortab, I might.

My waiting is nearly over. Thanks to the Sisters, I'm ready to begin my life anew.

Lena

My story started after the birth of my third child in 1996. At first I thought the pain was due to having an 11lb baby faster than the doc could catch her. No time to cut and I tore internally. I thought this was a bit silly since my first child was 11lb 12oz and I didn't have any problems spitting him out.

The periods I got after my daughter was born were horrible. I'd go through a pad and a tampon within an hour. Ruined so many outfits, the mattress, the couch. Ughhh! The pain gradually grew worse with each month that passed. For a long time I didn't do anything about it.

I was hospitalized several times with an unknown pain that kept me from functioning. Several times they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, pumped me full of drugs, and sent me home. My GYN ordered several ultrasounds, the vaginal ultrasound hurt like an SOB. He finally found something. A very large cyst on my one ovary. He decided to do a lap to see what was going on in there.

I had the lap in 2000. There was so much scar tissue and the cyst had magically disappeared. He removed a lot of the scar tissue and concluded that I had endo. That I had probably had endo for a long time and didn't know. The experiments with the drugs started. BC pills, the patch, the shots, nothing helped.

In late 2002, I had an abnormal pap. There were concerns that I had cervical cancer. I did the biopsy and he was amazed how well I handled everything. He knew I had a high tolerance for pain but it wasn't until the biopsy that he realized that I could endure just about anything.

The biopsy showed pre-cancerous cells and he wanted to do a LEEP procedure. In February 2003, I had the LEEP procedure. He numbed the area (at least he though I was numb). He started and I felt everything. The tears streamed down my face and halfway through the first pass, he said, you can feel that? I said, yes, it's bad. He couldn't stop midway through the first pass so he finished that pass and numbed me more. The rest I couldn't feel.

The depo shots worked for me for a long time and then Aunt Flo decided she didn't care that I wasn't supposed to see her anymore and visited anyway. In 2005 I went off all BC and just suffered through the pain. I didn't say much to anyone because I knew what the next step was. Some days I was fine with having hyst in my 30's, other days I wanted to have another child.

I took 14 sick days from January to June 2006. Although I provided a doctor's note for my absences due to my endo, I was suspended from work for abuse of sick time. What a crock!!! I finally decided to take the plunge and try the depo one more time, no dice, Aunt Flo still came. I'd had enough and met with my GYN and we talked about the hyst.

Now I really thought this was going to be easy. The conversation was going well until he said, the incision will be from here to here. Whoa!!! Now wait a minute doc, I can't have it done vaginally. I gave birth to an almost 12 pound baby, I'm sure everything would just slide right out. Nope, due to the amount of scar tissue, he can't yank everything out that way. He said he would need to take the ovaries and the cervix was up to me.

Thoughts of the LEEP procedure entered my mind and I told him to take the cervix as well.

So here I sit, a week and a half to go.

I know the fear of overdoing because I have that fear all the time. My kids are capable of helping out, just not very willing. They are used to mommy doing everything. I've been a single parent so long that I don't remember every having anyone to help. My ex husband was no help when we were married, why did I think that would change now?

I am relying on my friends and my family to get me through this. I have been very disappointed in my sister who seems to think that I am doing this for attention. I don't know why on earth anyone would do this for the fun of it!!

My sisters here have been so supportive. I found here what I couldn't find with her, the love and support that I needed.

Thank you sisters, you are trully amazing women!!

Let's see.... do you want the short version or the long version? I have both, you know.

I guess my pre-op story started with increasingly heavy periods over my adult life. When I had my dd in 1988 via unplanned (but not emergency) c-section, the doctor rather casually remarked that I had some fibroids, the largest of which was about the size of a golf ball. He said they'd probably shrink down to be smaller than a pea and nothing more was said.

The periods kept getting worse, though never really longer -- I just had a couple of awful days where I could never be far from the potty.

I got pregnant again at 40, and because of my age they insisted that I have amniocentesis. When I had the test done, the doctor numbed up part of my belly with Novacaine, then the needle went in...and stopped. He started pushing, but nothing was happening. I got a bit alarmed, and he said, "I can't get in -- there are fibroids everywhere!!" Now it made sense that they had sent me to the University of Minnesota hospital to have this test done (I live in a small town in southern MN). They did eventually complete the test, but it was no picnic, I'll tell you that.

Later, I noticed that I wasn't feeling any kicks and when I expressed my concern to my OB/GYN, she said it was because there was a softball-sized fibroid on the right side of my uterus. (In retrospect, I am amazed that the pregnancy was carried to term.)

After ds was born in 2000, everything just kept getting worse, and I never got out of my maternity clothes, continuing to look six months pregnant even after giving birth.

In 2004 I got tired of feeling bad, and it was discovered that my uterus was "grossly enlarged" at 15x10x7 cm. After surgery, they found that my uterus was also boggy (meaning it had never contracted after the last birth) and contained over 30 small fibroids between .5 and 3.5 cm.). Additionally, the fibroids were incorporated in the uterine lining -- meaning that to attempt to remove just the fibroids would have been futile.

(Click on "my photos" if you want to see what a boggy uterus looks like, at least in my case.)