Am I strange?

to the original post question....FEAR?

I just made the decision 1 week ago. A decision that I've weighed out for years. I asked for this surgery. There were a few other thing left that we could do. I opted out of them. My words? "Let's just take the dam thing out, okay? I don't need it anymore, I am sick of the pain...yadayadayada"

Now, as the days creep on...less than 3 weeks to go, in my 'must have input' kind of brain, I am reading everything I can in order to be well informed.

I can tell you that FEAR is there. Not in the fore front, but it's there. Just like it was there when I had c-sects with my kids. I always second guess every decision I make. So my fear is probably of myself. LOL

The more I learn, the more 'real' this becomes. My coping mechanism for anything scary,stressful, etc...is by putting it in the back of my mind until the last possible second. Then, of course when it's time, I always go into full blown panic attack mode, but that's me and my brain!

With this surgery, I am forcing myself to confront it now! I am getting my house and yard in order, we are having the house painted, getting new windows, and new landscaping. The landscape prep is my 'job' for the next 2 weeks. That is what will keep me sane. Keep the FEAR in check!

Now, if everyone will stop with the " you're sure you want to do this, you're too young (I'm 38 for God's sake), have you thought about this (yeah, everytime I double over in pain)" Their misinformation is what drives their questions, I know. But, I am the information junkie of our circle. I am the research Queen. They should know that I have researched the crap out of this.

Anyway, yeah, I'm fearful...how can you not be? But I go into this with a positive attitude. This is going to help me. I may have a myriad of other problems afterward, but I consider them to be expected and controllable (with hormones, astroglide, etc). The problems I have now are uncontrollable. Unknown in some ways. Unexplainable to some. I am looking forward to this more than anything.

Good luck to all my 'sisters'....keeping you all in my thoughts!!!