Shall I cancel?

To cut a long story short my husband hit me this year. My kids from my first marriage hate him and are now saying that they dont want to be left with him while I am in hospital.
They just sprang that on me tonight.
Immediate reaction- cancel op.
They are 18,17,and 15
Please help/advise - Im so worried.
BTW my op is wednesday

Do you have any family or friends nearby that the kids can stay with? I'm sorry if that sounds like a dumb question and I can totally understand your fears at this point. What would happen to you healthwise if you cancelled and waited a little while until things go sorted out at home? I mean for example with my surgery I'm sure I could hang in there for a few more months with the heavy bleeding etc if I had to. You'll be in my prayers that the right solution comes along...

It must be hard on you right now... Any friends who can look after your kids? Or can your kids stay on their own? They aren't that small. All I can say is I'll pray for you so you can make a right decision... Will cancelling the surgery now and waiting longer help? Doubt it...

(((lizzieme))) I'm sorry you have had this thrown at you at the last minute and feel you have to make a choice. It's not easy, for sure.

How long are you expected to be in the hospital? Usually it's one night, maybe two. Assuming your husband still lives with you, I am guessing the kids don't want to stay there because he's there? (If he doesn't, then, they're certainly old enough to stay on their own for a day or two; the oldest is a legal adult.)

Do they have another relative, or a close friend, they could stay with while you're in the hospital? Or would you consider getting them a motel room near the hospital so they'd be together in a safe place near you?

It's not my place to judge your situation, but I was once in an abusive marriage. It does not get better. The abuse usually comes with a controlling personality, and it's that type of personality that would be delighted if you cancelled your surgery because of them. Just something to think about. Really, though, the time just before and after surgery is not the best time to be making huge life decisions - emotions are running high already. If I were in your place, I would be doing the simplest thing I could do to ensure my kids' safety, but I wouldn't be cancelling the surgery if it is medically necessary.

You might also want to consider staying with a friend or relative after you're released from the hospital if you are concerned for your own safety at home.

Best wishes... I hope it all works out for you and your kids.

s,
-Linda

I don't have anyone nearby and my family can't help due to distance. I feel at breaking point. I am very poorly and my op is urgent. I'm due to stay in 4 or 5 days as TAH and here in uk that's the time u have to stay in. I cannot healthwise really afford to cancel and if I do then things will still be the same at home however long I wait. My husband has only recently returned home after a year. My girls refuse to leave their home.

Is he willing to leave again?

That's a tough one... I'm so, so sorry that this is happening to you!

Are your kids worried about their safety, or do they just dislike your husband? Do they have good friends they could stay with while you're at the hospital? You call always call their parents and ask, briefly explaining the situation.

Like you said, postponing will not change your situation (you'll do that later, I hope!), but do you have enough time to organize something before Wednesday? We are sometimes (often!) afraid to ask for help, when more people than we think would be ready to offer it...

Could you ask him to leave for those days? Good luck. I would still go ahead with the surgery because obviously you need it. If nothing is going to change from now until you could reschedule I would do it now, just to get it over with.

My thoughts go out to you. I am hoping that there is someone close to you who may be able to help with the kids. It is such a difficult time to have to try to make these decisions. A lot of times people will help out if you ask them. There may be someone you know who is waiting for you to let them know what is going on and to help you. It sounds like you need the surgery. I don't know enough about the uk, but is there any group who helps women in abusive relationships?? If there is, maybe try to contact them if you don't have any friends to help. I would think they might be able to help you in this emergency situation. My prayers are going out to you and your children.

I would get them to stay at their friends place if they can.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Having been in an abusive relationship in the past I understand the stress and worry you must be going through for your children.

Hope that you are able to resolve all of this before Wednesday

xoxo