Not fair

I'm 36 and I don't have any kids. Most of the time I'm ok with that, but today it hit me and it hit me hard.

I've been so busy trying to convince everyone else along with myself that I'm ok with this. I keep telling myself all the things I will be able to do without kids and how nice it is going to be. Today all I can seem to think about is all the things I'm going to be missing out on. Everywhere I turn there are all these happy women with their babies and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs that it just isn't fair.

No one I know seems to understand. They try to help, but they all have thier babies and will get to watch them grow up and see them graduate and get married and have babies of their own.

I know that I'm not the first person to ever go through this and that I won't be the last. I just wish I wasn't so overly emotional about it.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to share. I am 44 and have no children. Life is definitely NOT fair. I work in a pharmacy where women come in with their pre-natal vitamins scripts and such--I just smile on the outside while sometimes crying out on the inside. I can understand your feelings. One of my dearest friends and my mentor thru this journey had her hyster 20 yrs ago when she was 24. She didnt have the support that we do here. She understood when I told her that people have the best of intentions when they tell you that sometimes things aren't meant to be or that God has a plan for each of us which is hard for us to understand. She happens to be a minister's wife and she understood and nodded in agreement when I told that 'sometimes that answer just doesn't cut it'--while somewhere deep inside I know that God knows what is best but that just doesn't cut it right now. Like I said, I wish I had some great words of wisdom--just know that people here care--you have alot of support.
Edna

You are absolutely right. It isn't fair that someone who loves children and wants children cannot have a baby while there are many unfit parents having babies that do not deserve them. Children are a blessing. I believe that you are entitled to feel that way. Have you considered adopting a child? You sound like you would be a wonderful mother.

I would not wish this emotional heartbreak on anyone. It feels like such a huge loss and it is. I've grieved as much for the children I never had as much as I have for the pregnancies lost at early stage. Not being able to have children, can make you feel like you aren't part of anything. You are detached and alone with feelings of failure as a woman. The need to have a hyst and the opportunity for adoption not being there, just adds insult to injury.

I will be 44 in a couple of weeks, and I can honestly say, that I didn't learn to live with being childless until 6 years ago. But the need for a hyst, has brought old emotions back as though they were new. I understand why, but that doesn't stop it from hurting any less. I hang on to my understanding of why to get me through my feelings of empty arms.

I had to learn to love me as I am before I could see that others loved me for who I am and not for what a good mother I might have been.

I can recall all too well the feeling of being alive while dying inside. May anyone who walks this road be given the strength and courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other and please know, you are not alone.