So frustrated with uncertainty

Hi--
I'm trying so hard not to stress out, but it's not working very well! Two weeks ago, after recurrent hernia repair surgery, the surgeon said my uterus had gotten absolutely huge (20 week size) and needed to be "dealt" with immediately. My PCP scheduled a gyn consult for a month later, and we thought that would be fine. But then a week ago, a new hernia popped out and the repaired hernia repair failed too. The surgeon said he was certain the pressure from the uterus was causing the problems, and he might be able to rescue the repair (and save me from 2 additional surgeries) if we could schedule a hysterectomy as soon as possible--and meanwhile, until that could happen, I had to make sure my (now incarcerated) hernia didn't strangulate. So off to the head of gyn surgery at the university, who promptly disagreed with the general surgeon (who is also head of his department, so they both have high opinions of themselves), saying he thought a hysterectomy might actually make all the hernias worse, but the uterus should come out immediately anyway because the very rapid growth worried him (sarcoma, which is such a slight risk I'm trying hard not to worry about that). This was Thursday, and the scheduler was off Friday, so even though they're trying to get me in as early as possible next week before the darned hernia strangulates, who knows when it will be. (Both surgeons need to be there, so they can argue with each other, not with me for a change).

On top of all this, I'm stressing out because I've spent a year organizing a big symposium on "Women and Scientific Leadership", which starts on Wednesday, with Dr Really Famous, the leading female scientist in my field (and controller of all the research funds too) coming, and I'm hosting the whole thing, blah blah blah...so much for scientific leadership if I can't even show up. (Now is when the whining really gets loud--here goes: eek, how I am going to come up for full professorship in the fall if I'm stuck at home for another 6 weeks; how can I tell my colleagues in the department that I'm out for a hysterectomy when I'm the only woman the department has ever had and the word uterus isn't in their vocabularies, how am I going to find someone to mentor my grad students, etc etc etc. At least stressing over work is less frightening than stressing over an operation! Oh, some more whining--I'm missing the ski racing season this year, which is the least of my worries, but I was training and actually getting faster, so maybe I wouldn't have come in last for a change! etc etc etc).

Ok, enough is enough. I sure wish they would just tell me when the surgery will be so I can find someone else to host the symposium and be nice to Dr Really Famous if need be. Do I want the surgery early next week, so it's over with and I stop freaking out about my insides coming out whenever I do anything? Or do I want the surgery late next week, so I can actually meet Dr Famous? Or do I just want a nice valium so I can watch the Olympics and read trashy novels and stop freaking out?

Cheers, everyone! Wish me luck.

I can understand your frustration, you have a lot on your plate to be dealt with. I'm sure that, as hard and long as you've worked on this project, it'll be difficult to have to hand it over to someone else
But, it sounds like your first priority needs to be your health right now.
These are decisions that can only be made by yourself with help from your drs. Sit down, discuss it all, weigh the pros and cons and then make the decision that is best for YOU.

S

Thanks! I know what's most important is getting the surgery done immediately--what's really hard for me is letting someone else make the decision, and not knowing what's going on. Hopefully, Monday I'll know what day they can do the surgery, and then I can relax a little.