Need to Vent, Why did I do this???

I'm sorry to to come here and vent and I know this is going to be a really negative post, I just don't know where else to turn. I'm at the end of my rope right now.

I decided to have this hysterectomy after dealing with endo and infertility issues for years. The period pain was just unbearable and the endo had spread to my bowel, so my Dr. recommended a hyster. We were finally able to adopt a beautiful baby, so I started to consider the hysterectomy. My family all encouraged me to do this and assured me they would be here to help. So I went for it. After surgery, my Dr. started me right away on Climara patch. Did really well the first week post op. Week 2 started having anxiety attacks. I've had issues in the past with anxiety, but has been well controlled for years on Zoloft and Xanax as needed. I called my Dr's office and the nurse completely blew me off, said it wasn't hormone related. So I called my family Dr. He increased my Zoloft and had me take my Xanax 3 times a day. Helped a little, not much. So went for my 2 week f/u with gyn Dr. Told him about the anxiety issues. He changes my hormones to Vivelle Dot. Then he tells me that it is ok to start lifting my daughter some. (She is 16 months old and weighs 30 lbs.) I couldn't believe he told me that. My mom took me to my appt, so of course she heard him tell me that. I tried lifting her a few times and decided it wasn't a good idea yet and was going to wait a few weeks. So anyways, after week 3 my family disappears. Where is my help they all promised? They figured the Dr said it's ok to lift, so I should be back to normal. My husband has already used up so much of his vacation time and he really can't take anymore time off. So I'm pretty much on my own. Anxiety issues are no better, family Dr. increases meds again. I go in for my 4 week f/u. Gyn Dr. doesn't make any changes to my hormones. Couldn't believe I was still having pain and discomfort. Said I should be pain free by now. I just wanted to scream. How would he like to have major abd surgery and then have to carry and chase around a toddler after 3 weeks??? I'm also still having issues with my bladder spasming after peeing, which from everything I read is pretty normal. He tries to tell me I could have interstitial cystitis and maybe that's why I'm still hurting. I didn't have any bladder issues pre op and this is definitely not bladder pain. I was so mad when I left, I was just bawling. I can't take anything OTC for pain except Tylenol (which doesn't help). I've had so many ulcers in the past from years of taking advil for my cramps, now I can't take any advil, aleve, aspirin. So I just have to suffer through the pain.

My husband must have said something to my MIL and she offered to come last week to help. (Keep in mind, she never even came to see me at the hospital, send a card, or even bother to come over once I got home.) Although she did call once to check and see how my husband was doing having to take care of my daughter. Didn't even ask about how I was doing. So it was really shocking that she offered to help, and really hard for me to accept it. But I was miserable, so I did. She came over in the mornings and lifted my daughter out of her crib, carried her downstairs, and lifted her into the high chair for breakfast. Then she would come back at lunch time and help again with the high chair and carry her upstairs and put her down for nap. Was definitely a huge help and I started feeling better. My own mom hasn't shown up for over a week and doesn't even call to see how I'm doing. She thinks I should be just fine by now. Anyways, MIL started a new job this Monday, so I'm back to being on my own again. I'm so tired and sore. My daughter is into everything and it's been a tiring day. I just feel like I can't keep up right now. I can't get out of the house because there is no way I could lift her into the car seat. So I'm stuck at home. My nerves and anxiety are still an on going problem. Xanax is the only thing keeping me sane right now and I hate to have to keep taking it. I know it takes awhile for Zoloft to kick in, but I really think it's mostly hormones. I just can't get my Dr. to understand. I never had problems like this before surgery. I used to love my gyn Dr, he was always so supportive and helpful. Now I'm beginning to really dislike him.

So today, I'm sitting here regretting this surgery so much. I just want to feel normal again. I don't want to have anxiety attacks, I don't want anymore pain and I want my energy back. I'd put up with the pain every month with my periods if I knew it was going to be like this. I'm so upset with my family right now for not being here after they all assured me they would. And my husband comes home yesterday and tells me he's going camping and 4 wheeling with the guys next weekend. Arghhhhh!

I'm almost 6 weeks post op and just think maybe I should be feeling better by now. It's driving me nuts. Sorry for the long vent, I just had to get it out. No one around me understands right now and it's just building up and making me want to blow my top. I thought maybe if I just got it all out, it may help. Sorry for being so negative. I've just been trying to deal with on my own and not doing very well. Thanks for listening. Teresa

Hey Bundle ~ I know this might sound really nuts... but if you can drive, go get a bag of Hershey hugs, a little donut sack, and a thank you card. Fill it out for your MIL and get it to her. Though you didn't expect any assistance from her, she appears to have been the silver lining in your dark cloud. Let me know how much she meant to you. She very well might try to find a way to help out more.

My MIL has always been helpful but is clumsy about how to do it. I have a box sitting by the back door for DH to take to her. It's all the little butter dishes and such that she brought food in. I have a sack of hugs for her and a little note.

Not else to give you in way of support only that you are in a predicament that all of us hates! And most of us are in the same boat in one way or another so we do understand. Feel free to PM if you'd like...

Best wishes ~

While I don't have any quick cure for you, I can relate to a lot of what you are experiencing. Everyone heals at a different pace and lifting can not only be painful, but it can cause more damage if you are not healed up properly. I truly believe in listening to your body and if it tells you that you shouldn't be lifting I don't think you should. You will know when the time is right.

As for people helping out, I had tons of people around (too many) when I was in the hospital and the first few days home, but they thined out quickly as time past. I have found though that I have a difficult time asking for help and just need to get over that and ask when it's needed. I think most women are so strong and want to do so much for themselves. Remember, this is your time to heal and with a young child at home you most likely have not had much time for yourself.

I've had thyroid problems and anxiety attacks before along with many of the women in my family. They are overwhelming in themselves and can't imagine having them with what my body is going through to recover from the hysterectomy. I do find that if I get outside and walk a bit, listen to some favorite calming music or try breathing exercises that sometimes that helps. My sister brought me some really good smelling candles and they seem to calm me a bit also.

I wish we had a miracle cure for this, but just remember that there will be some days that are worse than others and brighter ones really are going to come again in the future. I try to remind myself when I question having this done that my issues were not going to get better on their own, the pain was not going to go away and in the future I could develop even worse issues.

Hang in there and vent away any time you need. You are not alone, you have all of us behind you and we will loan you that ear you might need when you have a bad day.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time! You are still fairly early out in your recovery, there is nothing magical about that 6-week number, we all heal at different rates. I can't give you advice on the hormone issue, I hope that others here will be able to assist. It sounds as though your family has let you down. Be sure to thank those for any help that you have been given. If you need something specific done, then you just have to find someone who might be able to do it and simply ASK them. If that were my husband, I would tell him that he was not going ANYWHERE until I was back on my feet. Do what you feel comfortable doing, let the other stuff go, and it doesn't matter what the doctor said or who heard him say it. You know how you are feeling, and you don't have to validate or explain that to anyone. Try not to keep lists of who did not call or who did not send a card, that's not going to make you feel any better. I know this is a tough time, but I think you had the surgery for valid reasons, and there is no point in trying to second-guess that decision now. Give yourself some time to heal. I hope things will be looking up for you soon. I know these medication issues can take some time to sort out, and hopefully you will find the right combination for you.

I'm so sorry that you having a rough time.It does sound like your hormones are off still.Have you asked them to do any levels?It is very difficult to try and rest when you have a little one,I have a 2 year old and lucky for me she sleeps in a toddler bed now.I would not lift the baby if it hurts.I went for my 2 week post op today and was told NO LIFTING and she would let me know at my 6 week if she was lifting that restriction.It will get better try to take some deep breaths when you are feeling paniced.If you need anything jsut want to vent or talk feel free to email me or send me a message .(((((((((TERESA))))))Big hugs!!!!!!!! Take care Heather

Dear Bundle.. We Are Here For You. Im 8 Wks Post Op And Still Not Feeling Like I Thought I Would Be. I Suffer From Anxiety To And Hate To Have To Take A Xanax To Settle Myself Down. Im Still In Pain But Dont Want To Ask My Doctor For More Pain Meds At 8wks Post Op. My Mom Died In January And Boy Do I Miss Her. My Mil Is Deceased Too. My Dh Is Working Long Hours And My Teeneage Son Is Getting Bullied At School!!! Wonder Why My Nerves Are Shot. Plus I Have A Hematoma That Is Making Me Crazy!!!!!! I Just Had A Good Cry And Came Over To The Computer For Support. When I Read Your Post, I Could Relate. Tomorrow Is A New Day And We Will Get Thru This One Step At A Time. Hang In There And A Great Big Hug To You

I would find another dr. It very well could be hormone related. Maybe you need to have your hormone levels checked so you can be put on the right type and dosage. You need a medical professional to LISTEN to you. keep us posted, please. You know we are here for you, as all of us have been where you are and understand what you are going through..

Hi Bundle....I am so sorry you're feeling so bad right now. You know maybe you just need off the hormones? I have decided after my surgery to go no hrt...I am only 9 days post op...but I am actually better hormonally now than prior to surgery..I am actually in shock cause I thought I'd be moody, hot flashes and night sweats..but so far nothing........so maybe it's the vivelle dot???? You could try to use NO hormones for a time and see what happens..it's not going to hurt you..if that don't make the difference go back on hrt.

As far as help for your little one..wow that is a toughy. I am sorry you don't have help..but at least your MIL did come through when you needed her the most..maybe you can ask her to help more. You also could see if you can find someone else who would be willing to help watch her when you're alone. Even hire someone depending on your financial status...kind of like a temporary nanny. Some suggestions.

As far as your doc...if you don't feel comfortable with him any longer maybe it's time to find a new one?

Hang in there and remember this too shall pass. It will get better in time. You did the right thing coming here and venting. All your fellow Sisters are here with you!!!!!!!

Hugs, love and prayers

I just want to offer my support to you.


I agree that it sounds like your hormones may need to be tweaked a little. I sure hope things improve for you soon.

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. I feel like I just need somebody to smack me upside the head and tell me to snap out of it. I just feel so beat down right now, and I know I need to stand up for myself and get some answers. Normally I would be, that's why this is so frustrating. I just have that miserable feeling of why bother? It feels like my Dr. isn't listening to me anyways. I have considered changing Dr. too. I just don't know where to turn. I really feel like it's my hormones and my Dr. really blew it off. He doesn't really believe in compounding hormones when I asked him about getting my levels tested and trying the compounding pharmacy. He wants to try other things first. I had a cold after my second week post op, and with all the coughing and sneezing I was just hurting so much. My Dr. didn't think that coughing would be aggravating the pain and wouldn't refill my pain meds. That's why I haven't bothered to talk to him about the pain. When you can't even take an Advil, it's just miserable.

I just hate living with anxiety attacks. It's an awful feeling. I felt so good the last few years just taking 25 mg of Zoloft and now I'm back up to 100 mg. I know it's going to make me gain weight which is frustrating too. And I feel like if I could just get my hormones adjusted, this would settle down without all the Zoloft and Xanax. I just need to get some spunk back in me and start fighting for answers.

I really don't feel like I should be lifting yet, I just don't have a choice. I felt something pull yesterday in my side when I lifted my daughter into her crib, and that's been aching ever since. I just don't have any other ways to do it. I wish she was ready for a toddler bed. I even resorted to feeding her on the floor today so I didn't have to lift her into the high chair. Was a little difficult getting her to hold still long enough to eat though. lol.

You are so right about my MIL. She was the last person I expected help from and she was such a big help last week. It has really made me appreciate her so much more. And my Mom was great the first couple weeks, after that, it was like she thought I was just a big baby. That's why I haven't bothered to ask her to help this week. I would just get that look like "Why??"

And my DH has been great. I really didn't expect him to be so helpful through all this. That's why I feel so bad telling him not to go camping. He's had to pick up a lot of slack around here and deserves a break.

Thank you all again for your support. I guess I just needed a reality check. I know there are others who are much worse off than I am right now and I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. It helps to know that I'm not alone and there actually is someone out there that understands. Teresa