LAVH how to deal with hubby that doesn't understand the no sex thing after hysterectomy

I am so glad you've called your doctor. Like many others you've been in my thoughts lots since reading your thread.
Stay strong & I'll keep checking so please let us know how you're doing xx

So glad you called your doctor... I know it is an embarrassing and upsetting situation, but best to make sure no damage was done. I know it will be hard to talk to your husband, but maybe this is not something that you need to be so gentle about.. maybe he needs to not have any drinks until you are fully healed as well. I am sure his intention was not to hurt you physically or emotionally the way that he did, but he really needs to know the extent of what he did to you and how it made you feel. He needs to understand the physical harm that could have been done, but he also really needs to understand the emotional harm that he has already done to you... you will not be able to move past your shock, anger, and sobbing until you confront him... if you yell at him, oh well.. he will get over it, if you sob, he will have to deal with it... if you have a strong relationship then you will make it through this, but you are going to have to eventually confront him... have you talked to anybody in person about this... someone who will be a listening ear without judging him or disliking him after... I know this isn't something you want to call your mom or a family member about, they tend to love us so much that they aren't going to be able to see past this, but maybe a friend or someone to talk to would be helpful... as always, the ladies on here including myself are always here to talk to, but sometimes you need more than that... and you definitely need a real hug from someone who loves you (besides your husband, he deserves a kick in the groin right now, not a hug...joke).... Well, keep us posted as to how things go with dr and husband... I hope everything goes well physically and I hope you can figure out a way to discuss this with your hubby.

Please, please, please continue to take care of yourself. I have been thinking about you and your situation all day. I second what Tiffany said about talking to someone and talking to him. Both will help in some way. Continued healing, both physically and emotionally to you. I am disappointed for you that you have to deal with this added stress.

OK...I had sex too early. Was not forced by anyone, was absolutely consensual. I was cleared for six weeks. I had bleeding and cramping the next day, and had to go through blood work and antibiotics again. Thankfully there was no damage and no infection. But you are at risk for both. Also, what you said sounds like rape. Please talk to your doctor.

I'm glad you got an appointment with the doctor and I echo what everyone else here has said. You need a real-life friend to hear your concerns and give you a hug.

Your husband wasn't concerned about you feeling attacked when he had sex with you when you said he shouldn't be doing it. If he's a loving and supportive husband, there should be no reason for you to worry about him feeling attacked by you getting angry at him right now. You have every right to be angry, and it's his turn to sit down and listen. What is he afraid of? He did something that was emotionally damaging to you and put your life at risk in the process, and for what? Your anger is correct and righteous. The fact that you seem to be afraid of his reaction suggests that perhaps he's not as supportive as you think he is.

I hope you have a good support network of friends and family. Now is the time to reach out to them. Please don't be embarrassed since you've done nothing wrong. And we're here and looking out for you. <3

I have to say I got angry.... Married or not...NO means NO....and I'm a married woman. Take him to your doctors appointment.. I took mine with me and had them explain why there would be no sex until... I hope you don't have complications from this.... HUGS!!!!

Sturnbow, just know that it was NOT your fault. Even if you slept in your beds nude. There is nothing wrong with intimacy during this time. However, he needs a talk about limitations. He went over the limit. I would tell him briefly and firmly that he saw what you went through having TWO surgeries and it can NEVER happen again until you are cleared by Doc - NOT "Doc Husband"....and move on. No need for anger or arguing. You do not need the stress during this time. Stress prolongs healing.

All of the Hystersisters will continue to pray you are okay and healing is still in progress. Many hugs.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by sturnbow Wow, I am really suprised at the amount of support, and replies to my post. Thank you all. I have been crying all morning reading them. I know what my husband did was stupid, irresponsible, thoughtless and wrong, and that makes me angry to realize that. One of you asked why i did not say something when he took his pants off, and mine. My doctor told me that anything on the outside that did not hurt was ok. We had enjoyed an intimate moment a few days before that did involve removal of clothes, but nothing happened then that could have put me at risk. I really thought that was all that was going to happen again. I had no reason to suspect otherwise, I just trusted him. So when he went "there" I suppose i was in shock. I couldnt believe it was happening. Anyway, I was going to just ignore this, and only call my doctor if i felt any problems, but with all of your kind, and honest responses, I will call doc today. As far as my husband, the more i think about it, the angrier I get. I sobbed and sobbed about it last night. I will not be drinking even a glass of wine until i am healed and cleared. I am not afraid to confront my husband. I just dont think he even has a clue what this could have done to me physically, and what it has done to me emotionally. I think i asked for a gentle way to tell him because he will listen better if he is not feeling attacked. And yes, i think i am somewhat in denial about how horrible this is. Anyway, i guess i have a lot to think about, and need to have a very serious, painful talk with my husband. I will update after I call the doctor. Thanks again everyone.

I am in agreement with all the other ladies..this is a horrible thing that has happened to you!! The selfishness and lack of concern on your husband's part is mind boggling! I hope you are OK!! Praying for you!

I must say, I'm surprised by the strength and probably even more so, the reassurance, your comments have given me. I talked to my husband as soon as he got home last night. It went much better than I anticipated. I think the majority of my "gentle approach" crap were my own fears from previous life experiences having nothing to do with him. I do want to let you all know your suggestions and support gave me the courage to NOT be gentle in my approach to him. I will not excuse his behavior, but, I will say that apparently that night, he had already taken the medication he takes to help him sleep, in addition to the alcohol. He did not remember any of the experience, and was physically ill about what he did. I have only seen my husband cry twice. Once when his dad died, and then last night as I made him sit and listen to every horrible detail of what he did to me, and how used, and abused it made me feel. He just came to me and began appologising over and over. I believe the sincerity of his appology, because other than a few nights ago, I have no reason not to. His actions were COMPLETELY uncharictaristic of him, even after drinking. He took the initiative to call my dr back and insist on an appointment today, rather than next tuesday. I followed your suggestions, and showed him some pictures, both of my surgery, and of some women who had intestines prolapse after having sex too soon. He will not be drinking any more, and neither will I, and we will be looking for a good marriage counselor to help me deal with the emotional toll of all of this, and to try to gain back some trust. I told him he would just have to deal with me being over sensitive to everything, and he agreed. As for my health, I am concerned. I started to have new, red blood last night and this morning. Just a very little but, but I'm glad i will be seeing a doctor today. Anyway, I just wanted to update. Your prayers and support really helped me handle this situation the way it should be. I will update after Dr appt today. Thanks again...

So glad for the update. I am glad that you have an appt today. I'm glad DH got the point...sending HysterHugs your way.