He doesn't get it!

I am pre-op and tired of being tired. I turned down the option of Lupron because it scared me and I felt that I would feel worse from that for another 9 months! It seems like all I want to do is sleep. I have an enlarged uterus with fibroids and bleed like a stuck pig every month for the last two years. I've had periods that lasted 6 weeks every three weeks. I also have fibromyalgia. If I had any more energy most of the time I would take a nap. I feel totally dysfunctional and feel the hysterectomy is my best hope of feeling like me again. We have been remodeling/redecorating our house and we've moved twice in the last 8 months due to hubby's job. I am out of steam and dh doesn't seem to get it. He said if I cleaned he'd paint? Yeah - like I really feel like climbing a ladder and scrubbing walls, sorting things from moving etc. I have trouble keeping up on a day to day basis without more and decorating. He's a great guy but I think that maybe he is tired of all the tired too. Any suggestions? I know it's hard on him too. I'd love for all of this to be done and be able to sit and not find myself feeling guilty about what I didn't get done. I'm also scared of the surgery, anesthesia etc. and it hasn't even been scheduled yet. I'm not sure yet what type of hysterectomy I'm even having. Maybe I just need a hug? The support here is wonderful and I feel blessed that I found you all. Thanks - Sneakers

Sneakers~

Awwww....heres a very big !
I feel bad for you having to go through all this. I didnt have the fibroids and heavy bleeding you talk about but I sure do understand the fatigue.
It is hard for our dh's to understand what we go through because they never have. I tought my dh more than I ever thought I would through all this (thought he knew even some about the female anatomy)
Have you sat him down and talked to him about it? Explained everything to him and how it makes you feel? It might help him understand and be more sensitive to your situation.
Has he sat in on any doctor appointments with you? Alot of times, hearing it from the doctor explain it helps more than anything.
Please dont feel guilty about not being able to get some things done right now. You need to take care of you.
Please talk to your doctor and let them know what is going on with you further. Tell them how you really feel.
Surgery is a very big deal but i know you will do really well. I too was afraid of the same things you are, we all have been. The unknown or things we have no control over is always scary. Please try not to worry about it because you will be in good hands. Any concerns you could discuss with your doctors and of course you have us. We will be here to help you get through this too. It does get better.

Oh Sneakers, here is a great big . I'm so sorry things are down for you. I wish your hubby understood. Drag him to the doctor's office for the next visit. He should hear all the plans. Tell doctor beforehand that hubby still thinks you're superwoman. Also, on the home page under the pull down menu there is a section on," FAQ for Family Members."

I woke 4 times last night thinking of surgery...no date yet either, but it's so scarry. I understand.

Maralyn

First of all, I admire you for the way you are able to articulate how you're feeling, and for knowing you have the right to feel it. It's real easy to fall to superwoman syndrome and feel guilty if you don't feel great and I think giving yourself permission to feel exactly how you feel is the first step to sanity.

More support from your husband would be great, but I think truly empathetic men are rare, and it's not really their fault, they're just not wired for it. I know my husband is perpetually clueless, not that he doesn't want to understand, but it doesn't occur to him to take the time and effort to do it until I sort of force him to it. He usually catches up eventually, but I find it adds greatly to my exhaustion to have to constantly explain myself and beg for understanding and patience. Through every step of my experience, the pre-op stage (the hardest!), the hospital, the recovery, I spent more energy in struggles with my husband than in getting better.

I am now over 6 weeks post op, and although my recovery went very well, I am now struggling with my husband in resuming a normal sex life, he feels he's done his part with waiting, and now I'm supposed to do my part by snapping back to normal. But it's not that easy...

My point is that for many of us (most of us?), struggling to be understood by one's husband is a neverending process, whether it's regarding a hysterectomy or having a baby or raising kids, etc etc.

But no one ever promised marriage, or anything else would be easy, right?

Hope you feel better soon --

Teena

Sneakers,
I just wanted to let you know that you are certainly not alone in this situation. I made the decision to have the surgery because I was just too tired to fight it anymore. I too bleed very heavily and am very anemic. If you do a search on this site for anemic/anemia, you will find some very good information on what supplements to take and food to eat or drink to combat the anemia. The bottom line for me though was that I had to stop the bleeding to get better and get back to a normal life. My DH is also clueless about what I am going through, but he does try and has been very considerate. Good luck with your decision. Here's wishing you many, many s

"We can't all, and some of us don't"
-Eeyore, A.A. Milne


I think people who have never been *that* tired and worn out just can't comprehend it. When I was a little kid I could never understand why my Grandma needed to sit down and rest so often when we would walk around anyplace. It seemed to me that she was just being lazy, or a wimp. "Geez, Grandma, come on!" I thought if she just wanted to, and would put a little heart and determination into it she could keep going "like anyone else".

Maybe, if your hubby has ever been wiped out with the flu or something you could make that comparison for him. You are drained and exhausted from prolonged bleeding and trying to live in spite of an ongoing disease process. Even if your body is "getting by" it is taking a lot of your energy to do so. For several years before my hyst I seemed to catch every illness to come along. My friends would have the sniffles for two days - I'd be laid out flat for weeks.

Try to get your DH to understand that this isn't something where you can "cowboy up" and overcome "a little tiredness". The good news is that you've got the problem diagnosed, and should be feeling better in a few months. It's just a matter of going in the right direction and being patient. Meanwhile, hire a handyman and get the work done. You aren't the best candidate for that job right now.

first of all

i literally feel your pain. i have fibro and systemic lupus. tired? sometimes there is no word that really describes how you feel. it's not an "i need a nap" sleepy, it's a "my bones are made of wet plaster of paris" tired. your eyelashes are tired.

i've got bad , bleeding and pain. i'm having 2 periods a month right now. the in my brain is so heavy right now that on thursday evening, i tried to turn a light off by pushing the wall switch sideways!

your dh needs some reading material. nothing long, just a quick synopsis of exactly what fibro is. i had to do that for the fibro with my dh, but he did his own research on lupus because he was afraid i was going to die.

you are losing more blood on your monthly cycles than is allowed by bloodbanks in two months. (you can donate one pt. every 56 days...how much do you think YOU are losing?) get your iron checked.

i know it's hard to believe (it is for me at least) but our pain and bleeding will come to an end. i for one, can't wait!!

catholder

Although dh has always been a really hands on parent and done his share of the housework he's become really resentful of the amount that I'm contributing i.e. almost nothing - haven't even got the energy to put a load of washing on the line, lately.

I'm definitely going to get him to come to my next gyno appointment as I think he'll be alot more understanding if he gets it from a professional.

I'm also finding that leading up to my surgery I'm getting a little agitated and everything seems to be exaggerated (the tiredness, fed up feeling etc...) so I'm usually in a foul mood which exacerbates the tension between us at the moment.

regards
Xaviera

I read your post and I can truly relate. I am scheduled for TAH on 9/30 with BOP. I have an abnormal PAP with positive HPV/16 DNA. I had one ovary removed 20 year ago, and a cone done 10 years ago. I currently have a cyst on remaining ovary 6 months post-op gallbladder/tubal ligation surgery. No period for 6 months and terrible chronic pelvic pain. Have been on Provera and Activella(HRT) with no results. Couldn't do colposcopy because of stenosis of cervix due to previous cone. My choice is laparoscopy with endocervical and endometrial biopsy, hysteroscopy, or hysterectomy and bop. My problem -- my fiance is a surgeon. He says definitely have the hysterectomy. I am scared. I have had 3 surgeries in the last year, however, I don't want to go through the lap, etc., and end up with a hysterectomy anyway. I is difficult to speak with your doctor because they are all friends. (I have had this problem before -- my late husband was also a surgeon -- they don't want to discuss it, yet think you should take their advice with no questions. My current surgeon/fiance is trying to get my to paint, clean out the garage, etc...., yet tells the gyn. that I need the surgery because my pain is so great!. I don't get men. Maybe I just need a new one and no surgery.
Hang in there.
T.S.N.

just glad to know that im not the only one with a dh that dont understand. and i dont want to have sex because it hurts so bad. he is glad im having a lavh, but i cant help but wander if it is because he will get more lucky then and not because ill feel better. he is a good dad, and a good worker, but i dont feel like i get enuff support from him. good luck