crazy in laws

so my MIl does not call me at the hospital, not when I get home or anything. I have to call her when the flowers arrived at my house. Not once did we get the phone call of "if you need anything, are you okay, how can we help? " They live 25 minutes from me. Then my MIL proceeds to tell me that I need to rest and sholdn't do too much. I don't understand. I get so mad. I was rasied in a way that you help family no matter what in a time of need and in my family you can say what you think. my husband can't say anything to his family becuase then they won't talk to you for a month. I have been overdoing it on the days my husband has to work because I don't have a choice (two small kids). What is wrong with people? I know this must sound like a pity party but I can't let go of the anger. I can't imagine turning my back on family in a time like this. When my FIL had open heart surgery and was livning in anothe state my husband flew out there and stayed with him for a week to help. Sorry, I just needed to vent because I don't want to take it out on my husband. Thanks for being there guys.

My MIL is exactly the same.

Joeyanne,
Boy, don't I know. I am soooooooooo sorry. They obviously havent had this done to them. No one in my family had and the same miles away, NOTHING!!!!!!!! ZIP!!!!!! Except, woman have them all the time, you need to get over it.
Like you, I am the one who is there, reaching out any way I can.
It hurts awful. AWFUL!!!!!!
Joeyanne, PLEASE, remember this is your one chance to heal correctly, and you can really hurt yourselfe. A lady told me she shoved a microwave across the counter and got a hernia.
I feel for you with the two small kids. I cannot believe that they arent offering to at least take the kids.
You are one heck of a woman to take all this on alone.
Maybe if your husband read some of these posts he would understand more that you need help.
Or at least understand what you are doing on your own.
We so easily becaome supermoms that can do it all.

Nah, I don't think you're having a pity party at all.
I think you have a legitimate need for help and aren't getting any.
It's so difficult when families have different mentalities than the ones we've grown up with. Maybe you can break their family tradition and instead of being angry, just come out and ask for help. I know it will be uncomfortable for you, but maybe they need clarity from you on how to meet your needs.

I think there's a stigma about hysterectomy that doesn't exist with other types of surgery and some people are so uncomfortable with the fact it's a sex organ - "private" parts that bleed -yech - that they become a head-case psychological mess. If you had had surgery on your foot, your MIL would probably have no problem offering help and inquiring as to how are you doing. But in this case, if she inquires, you may tell her about your sore episiotomy, or your foul discharge, and she just couldn't deal. Obviously I'm just guessing here. (I mediate in court, and it's become natural for me to try to get people to see each others' point of view). It's so great when people just know how to help, and do - - but sometimes you have to ask for the help you need.

Vent as much as you need to. I am so sorry about your situation. Wish I could help!! My MII flew out from VA to stay with me she just left yesterday. I don't know what I would have done without her. Have you thought of just asking your MII straight out for help or would that be too scary if she says no? Maybe you could word it using her instructions..."Mom, I'm trying to take it easy but can't cause the kids need so much, can you help me?" I can't imagine her saying no but if she does do you have a mom group you belong to that can help out or a best friend? You need your rest or your recovery will take forever. I had my surgery the day after you and I haven't done 1 thing and feel great. No pain meds since the 24th and I know it is because of my MII's help. Hang in there kiddo and use every resource you can think of.

Well, I have to portray a differant side of the picture. Help is wonderful to have...I know. I am so stubborn when it comes to asking for help. I had my Mother In Law here the day I went in for surgery, and 2 weeks later....she has now gone home. I loved my mother in law before that. Now, well lets just say, we have civil communitcations. I was so glad to see her go. She really stressed me out more than helped me. She is overpowering and very nosey. She made more messes than I can count. She left this morning with a pile of dishes in the sink! I can see your other point...I want you to know you are not alone. Just hang in there, and you will be ok. DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!

believe me,im in your shoes with bells on.its a long story but i havent heard from my sister mother or brother since my last eptopic/horizontal incision,4 miscaraiges and now hysterectomy,and they knew of all that i went through.i thank my lucky stars that i still have aunts and uncles left that love me and my husbands family.i went through all of the above in the space of 4yrs and i still have my sanity...just!its at times like this when you realise who and what is important,and find a strengh in yourself you never knew you had.

My Mother turned up the day after I got out of hospital, gave me a pillow to use in the bath, said to my Partner "I'm so glad you are looking after her so I don't need to worry" left, and I haven't seen her since and that was 4 weeks ago!! You are not alone.

Thank you all for making me feel better. I know that I probably should just ask for help but the immature part of me says that I shoulnd't have to.