How did you accept what is happening to you?

We've all talked about our actual medical problems, why we had a hysto, what type we had, and shared our amazing stories, which is sooooooooooo wonderful and helpful to many (writers of stories AND readers of stories). BUT....

How did you emotionally accept what happened (is going to happen) and everything that goes along with a hysto?

I'm not the type of person to keep things inside me. I NEED to talk about thing and let it out. Sometimes I just need a good cry. I accepted the hysto, although it took time, when I got the news back in May that this was the road I was headed down and was set for a TVH. As of Friday that changed and I'm having a TAH. I've acknowledged the fact that the hysto mean I cannot have more children, the fact family will be here to help with the children and around the house, the fact that my DH is giving up so much (but loves me and is happy to do what it takes for me to get better), and now the fact that I'm being cut open....I just haven't full accepted it....and IDK how!

Any ideas?


Thank you!

It has always helped me to journal. I tend to start thinking things and then just keep going over and over the same things in my mind. When I write them all down then I say to myself..."there....it's all on the paper so I don't have to carry all this in my head all the time. If I need to go over it all again I can just read the paper." It's a silly "trick" I know but alot of times it really does help me. I am also a person of faith and I sometimes I journal my prayers. Again, it's something about getting it all out on paper and having it in my hand that allows me to "go on" in a more productive way.

OMG that's a great idea! I should pick up a simple notebook and just start writing...I can't believe I didn't think of that!! THANK YOU!!!

I blog on line because I need to get it OUT too. And it totally does help. You just found out on Friday about your TVH becoming a TAH so I would imagine that your brain, even as you wonder how to start accepting it, is starting to work on doing just that. Reading everything you can on it and what to expect might help also, make it more "real", and as time goes on and it gets closer and closer, that might help too!
Happy Sunday!
Nicki

Hi Jamie

My entire life, I have wanted to talk, write, and analyze things ad nauseum. It's how I deal with everything. My family and friends got tired of hearing about it all, but I spent a great deal of time writing about it.

I also blogged, in detail, about my whole experience. To a certain extent, I also felt that coming to this website was an essential part of my emotional transition. As I wrote, in detail, here about my feelings and read about what other women were experiencing, I began to feel that I was part of a community of women with a shared experiencing. And I felt like huge hugs were wrapped around me at all times.

I found that looking through other women's writings gave me a different perspective on my own experience. Many women provide a link to their blogs as part of the HysterSisters public profile. One of the perks of being a HysterSisters Crown Jewel is that you have a journal on this website you can use for writing about your emotional journey. The journal can be marked private so it's truly a journal, or it can be public so it's more like a blog. (You can find it under the Support tab at the top right of the screen.) If you browse through the public journals there, you might get some thoughts on how other women have handled the emotional aspects of this experience. I found that looking through other women's journals gave me a different perspective on my own experience.

In addition to writing, some women find it cathartic to plan a farewell-to-my-uterus party or some other celebration or recognition of what this experience means to them.

For women who feel like they don't have much choice as to whether to have a hysterectomy, it can also be helpful to find a way of having some kind of control over the experience--getting second or third opinions and then choosing which doctor does the surgery, preparing their recovery areas at home to be totally pampering, buying cute panties or white pants, etc.

You'll find what works best for you--and maybe that will simply be coming here and hanging out with the rest of us HysterSisters!

I'm sending

Hi Jamie,
No new suggestions, all that I do is already being said: I have a diary that I write in very often, I talk about it with my friends and DH, and I also find that reading other womens stories here on this site and replying helps me to find words for what I feel and think!

Best wishes

I have to say that I honestly did not have any negative emotions over having an LSH. I did spend a lot of time here, pre-op, to ask questions and read others posts.

Other than that, I went toward surgery with excitement as I would never have to buy another box of tampons again.

I would have to say that for me, accepting the fact that I was going through with having the surgery was not the beginning or the end for me. I still haven't really decided how to "accept" my situation. I keep reminding myself that, "we are not supposed to be here forever", which then inspires me to think of ways to cope/cry/rant/rave/rejoice and last but not least, marvel at what we humans have to go through in life in general. I like the fact that we all have different ideas and can share what we have done to get through this part. This website has been especially helpful in being able to "connect" with other women and for me, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hi Jamieliz,
The things we need to accept are different for all of us, so what helps will vary as well. Everything that has helped me has been mentioned, but I thought I would amplify the "Goodbye to my Uterus" party that Fritzi included in her post. This was extremely powerful for me, but I've worked out it is only useful to a subgroup of the women lining up for this surgery.

I have 3 children and that is all I want. I've known about the need for surgery for years and delayed it, in part for good reason as in my case it meant the end of lifting my children and anythingelse that weighs more than 10-15 kg/ 20 - 30lbs. My journaling and thinking and talking to friends helped me realise I was continuing to put it off for no good reason (my baby was 10yrs old; I was beginning to lose my core strength despite exercising) so I realised I needed some sort of ritual to mark the passing of my uterus. Just getting this idea felt very settling and talking about it aloud to friends and family was soothing. I put the surgery off some more in this phase, but eventually committed to it AND got my party organised too.

I have 3 sons and a DH, so it was important to me that it was a Girls' Only affair. I gave my boys warning that they were to be kicked out for the weekend and organised a smorgasboard of events so that I could spend quality time with all my important female friends AND stretches of time in between the kayaking, picnicking, bushwalking and eating (every meal constituted an event) for me to be on my own. There was actually a cataclysmic storm in my city just before my Girls' Weekend so the menu of events contracted to a swanky afternoon tea and a home cooked multi course meal with sleepovers and brunch, but we had a WONDERFUL time and I felt very settled about the surgery for the week that was left.

Immediately pre-op, while I was very anxious and irrational (as many of us are) I thought about my friends as much as about my boys to calm myself and I knew I'd done the right thing for me. When I had thoughts of dying during the operation (as many of us do) I even wondered whether I'd prepared so well because some wise part of me knew I wouldn't survive and had prompted me to farewell everyone!

All the talking and planning for the Girls' Weekend was also useful in helping my DH and sons understand what was going to happen and how important it was to me, which paid off enormously in the post-op period.

I hope you find what feels right for you to "accept what is happening to you" and then post about it. Good luck with this process AND your surgery,

Judy

I found myself in a similiar situation back in April and I had my hysto on July 8th. I'm young and I have two young children and a very supportive DH, I really had a hard time wrapping my head around getting/needing a hysto. I was obsessed with getting as much information as I could get and then I got so confused I just sorta shut down. Then my SIL gave me some good advice, she asked me what my quality of life is for me and my family vs what the quality of life will be for me and my family after the procedure. I was miserable and making my family miserable. I got the best doctor I could find, made him answer all my questions 3 times and then got a second opinion and then made them answer all my question 3 times. The doctor who did my procedure was an ob/gyn and a surgeon and he had done hundreds of hystos. I'm 4 weeks post and have not regretted my desicion. Good Luck, Hope my story was a little helpful. The big thing was once I made the decision to do it, I did it and put everything behind it.

Good Luck and Keep us posted!
Kim
TAH/BSO
July 8th