Scared and Excited

What a weird combo of feelings finally having a concrete answer of Yes you will have to have a hysterectomy done has brought out. On one hand, I'm done with the bleeding. I have been bleeding almost non-stop, either spotting or ending up looking like a scene from Carrie for over a year now. I am so ready to be done with pads, the smell, the constantly being at least damp etc..... (sorry if to graphic) that I am excited to have this done. And today, geez, the bleeding got heavy again and for the first time in about a year I have such massive cramps I want to scream. (had an ablation done end of October .... shouldn't have periods any more... grrr)

But there is a part of me that is scared of the operation. And a part that is scared of losing the female part of myself. Had I been able to have another baby I wouldn't have minded one little bit. Yeah, I'm getting a bit old, but hey others have done it well past my mere 45 years.

It's a weird set of feelings. Not really sure how to process. Not even sure if I really make sense.

I had those same feelings, and not so long ago (my surgery was last Wed)! I felt so good about knowing all the bleeding (I seemed to bleed all the time with major clots) would end, yet I was anxious about the aspect of it being "major" surgery. And I was also sad to say goodbye to my ability to have children. I think these emotions are all part of the process - you are definitely not alone.

For anxiety about surgery, keeping busy def. helped me a lot - I was very prepared for the procedure and felt quite educated about what was going to happen. I was still a bit anxious, but it was controllable.

I am only 5 days post-op and I am not bleeding at all. Everytime I go to the bathroom, I keep expecting to see blood... and it's just not there. I know I may have a bit of spotting as time goes on (internal stitches "dissolving", etc) but it is thrilling to know I will not have those clots again!!!!

Take care!

I, too, can sympathize with you. I'm leaning a little more toward the excited side, as I'm soooo looking forward to no more pain!!! I am sure that by tomorrow night, I'll start to get stressed about heading to the castle "in the morning", but this is the first chapter of the rest of my life and I'm so anxious to take my life back! I'm so tired of having to live it around my cycles. This is when I finally become free to be who I want to be.

Think of the end of this chapter as the lead in to your next chapter: all the activities and things you will be able to do that were not possible (or were severly restricted) before.

For me, I will never again be sidelined on vacation due to cramps or bleeding, can swim any day (I am a survivor of toxic shock syndrome, so tampons were no longer an option for me) and can add white pants/skirt/shorts to my wardrobe this Spring.

Watch out world, here I come!

I can totally relate. I have about 7 weeks worth of wait which stinks. I am very excited which takes away a lot of the fear. I'm 40 have 4 teenagers and my tubes are tied. There was going to be no more kids but it still makes me sad to never have that option again. But I'm ready to live my life and feel human again. The awful pain the horrible periods the constant bloating is (fingers crossed) going to be gone. Good luck to