Well meaning "friends" dirving me crazy!

Hi All! I'm so thankful I found this site. My castle stay is scheduled for Monday, 11/11 and I am so much on edge.

I know I'm being overly sensitive but I am so sick of people telling me "it's nothing", "It's much easier now a days", "I can't believe your doctor is giving you 6 weeks off! You're so lucky to get to just lie around all that time!" Of course, none of these "well meaning" folks had been through it recently.

It is such a relief to read the posts here and know I'm in good company. Thanks to all of you who give of your time and emotions to post your experiences and wisdom. Your sisters appreciate it! I know I do!

ClaireM (plannng on TVH.....but prepared for anything)

I have not only been getting that from friends but my A-man too!

When discussing post op pain he said, "Well you know the incision is so low and your surgeon does this this and this, and really there isn't much pain with this procedure."

Maybe he is right, maybe they have some system down pat.

I still wanted to scream, "When was the last time you had your uterus taken out! "

Wheww.... that felt good...lol...

I have had mixed reactions from horror to the oh it is nothing syndrome. I suppose if I was not going through it, I may be doing the very same thing, unknowingly, to someone else.

Hi Claire

I think we can all relate to what you say. I still can't figure out why people feel the need to make these statements. I truly think that people just make the comments without giving too much thought to what they're saying....sort of like they think they're giving you positive vibes whereas it really aint what you wanna hear. Am I making any sense here?

All the very best for your surgery on Monday. Believe me the waiting is truly the hardest.

My friend--who I thought was close--companions for 3 years-I thought would be "there" for me--told me--he could not be there--they way I need him to be..and by God, I am post 10/30/2002..and he told me, I am making things bigger than what they really are. I am high risk--100 pound overweight, 6 transfusions, heart and lung patient..they almost cancelled the surgery--cuz of my "breathing" problems, right before I was rolled in..and I am doing so great..You know.the so called friend--I had to call his house--the next day--not him calling me--and he says, now he know how much he means--and what he means to my side of the family...geesh, my mom--sat 8 hours--5 plus for the surgery--plus transfusions..and she is 3rd stage breast cancer..and in her 60's..and believe me, it was all she could do is to muster up---to be there for me--every bit and time---God Bless her....the surgeon had went out to the lobby twice to say it was touch and go..and when I was in recovery---I wanted up--lol..and she could not believe her eyes, the surgeon--I had epidural--and 2 spinals--so, I was okay---out of the hosptial in less than 40 hours in mom's TLC home--since I live alone---I stayed there 3 nites, and made the transition home---nothing like home--and your own bed..so much from support from the one you really needed..dang, he should have made a trip up there--or called me..I had to call him when I was released, and then a few days later..but, I haven't called him in 6 days, it was me--under the knife--and suffering, not him..and no support--physically or mentally, not even a visit when I got home--with less stuff hanging of me and my nose--only staples and drainage ports....I am doing great-and fine---just I think this hurts worse than any pain the surgery induced......I am alive--can breathe--and smell the leaves on the ground---and hear "sounds of life" Pamela TVH/BSO endo, 26 FIBROIDS, 6 TRANSFUSSIONS, 3 GREATFRUIT SIZE MASSES---CANCER FREE--NED--10/30/2002 NEW WOMAN-NEW LEASE ON LIFE

pconnole:


I am sorry your friend turned out to be a disappointment to you. Hang in there and continue to heal!!



Claire:

I know what you mean. I think the only thing anyone can say to me is that they are sorry I am having to go through this and offer help and/or prayers.

Other than that...listening skills are more valuable to me then speaking skills ... if you know what I mean.

Take Care!!!

You know it is funny(but not really)...either you get those "not a big deal" responses from those who have no clue, or the opposite...horror stories that scare you out of your wits! I am not even sure which is worse!!

However...that is why you are HERE!! These sisters really know from experience, and are here to help, support, and listen. And I can tell you only from my own personal experience what it was like for me. And that is, it IS a VERY big deal(MAJOR surg, which many docs liken to being carefully hit by a truck..tell your "friends" THAT), and no..it is NOT a horror story either. The first 24hrs were rough..but you fortunately sleep mostly thru that, and then start to make good progress from then on, with a few normal ups and downs along the way. I am 17 days post op, and have done much better than I ever could have dreamed, feel very good, and have no regrets.

You Go Girl!

I think everyone does mean well, but few know what to say. And some folks can't handle emotional and medical things very well and, instead of worrying about saying the "wrong" thing, they stay away entirely. I saw that happen when my father died.

Right now, I'm carefully considering just who it is I want to have with me at the hospital on OP day. I'm a single mom, so I don't have a husband by my side and I don't want my 14-year-old son to see me until I'm reasonably cognizant. His dad died of cancer five years ago and he always worries that something is going to happen to me, too.

My friends from church are being AWESOME right now! One woman in my age bracket who had a hysterectomy a few years ago has already offered to be my "hands" around the house and to run errands for me. Our priest and his wife will be in charge of my son -- their sons are friends with my boy, so he'll have the emotional support he needs, too.

But I think that I must really choose that OP Day person carefully. I've had lovely friends stay with me in the past, but they've talked my ears off and it was really hard! I think I'm going to ask an older friend from church who's calm, easy-going, plain-spoken and simply nice. LOL, and her husband's a lawyer so if anything weird happens, I'll have the comfort of that knowledge and access, too!

Best wishes and prayers,
Julie-Anne

We need to write a book of things NOT to say to pre op people.
We need to direct atleast one chapter to the gender that doesn't have a uterus.

I had surgery 5 weeks pre hyst to remove an ectopic pregnancy.
Although that was abdominal as well I thought I knew what I was going into, a practice run of sorts. NOT!! This was much bigger. To those who tell you it is not a big deal, let's see them start forming a line to have it done, and see if it then turns into a big deal.

Hang in there sweetie.. we're here for ya!

Kelly

I've heard everything from "oh a hysterectomy is nothing these days" to people admonishing me to behave because it is still major surgery (thank you!) I just try to remember that those who sort of brush it off are trying to be encouraging and mean well. They may be mislead, but their heart is in the right place...


Britlit...
I am also a single mom without a SO or DH. Have two kids. The 11 year old will be in school and a friend will bring him to see me on Friday night, although I've told him I'll probably look horrible and might have nausea, will have some tubes, and might even fall asleep saying "I love you." He needs to see that I'm okay even if for a second. My nearly 17 year old needs to be at the hospital...although I have some concerns about her doing that, but she would stress out totally if I tried to make her go to school, so she will sit and wait. Not worth a fight or her melting down. I asked her to sketch (she's an artist) while I'm in the OR. She also intends to stay home on my first day home to take care of me Sweetie, isn't she? I figure with all the overmothering I'll have it will be a relief that the kids have school 7 hours a day so I can rest Anyway, that's the plan...plus many friends willing to tote and fetch for me. I'm almost concerned that I'll have too many offers... it will all work out.