my sister just had a baby and i never will

well my sister finally had a baby boy october 3 and i can't make myself feel better. i keep on buying porter(the baby)presents i think to make sure he will never feel the seperation i know is between us. i have held him 3 or 4 times and everytime it kills me. i come home and i can't help but cry my eyes out. i am 24 and my total hyst is a month away. i don't won't my newphew to feel any tension but i don't know what to do anymore. i threw the baby shower and kept busy the whole night. but when everyone left i just cried as i took down the decorations. is this how i am going to feel for the rest of my left. i know one day i will have a child but it won't be mine. will it feel like i will love him insantly? please help me keep my insanity.

I'm so very sorry , I know you are going through some real pain right now and how hard as much as you love your nephew to see him and go through the feelings you are right now But can I just say from expierence I'm assuming you are asking the question like adopting and will you love that child instantly? The answer is YES you will if you adopt a newborn or even a older child those instinks kick in that love and that bond sets in immiedatly and you will also have the special bond as well of knowing that even though you were unable to carry him or her you are able to give him or her a better home then what he or she was born to! thats a unremarkable feeling to have and also something to look forward to!!! I really do wish you all the beast and hope alll great things happen for you and after your sugery you have a fast recovery! also I did want to congradualte you on your new nephew! I'm sure you will make a terrific aunt!!! xoxoxoxo

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now. My brother was adopted and I have many friends who have adopted and the feeling they have from the moment they see the child is the same as if you have given birth. I know that it must feel that is impossible right now, but when the time comes that you become a mother you will have the deep down love for that special child and you will feel that it is your very own. Blessings!

Oh Laneybogs - What you're feeling is natural but sweetie you are doing great. Already you care enough for your nephew to throw the party to buy the presents etc etc. Try and think of it like this, he is not the baby you cannot have, he is an extension of, what sounds like to me, a very loving family. In the future when you do have a child, whether surrogate or adopted I think you will love him instantly because you sound like a loving person.

I too am childless and my heart breaks every time I meet another person in the same situation. I wish you well and hope your heart feels lighter soon.

HI! I am adopted and I can tell you there isn't a bone in my body or my parents that feels a difference because I'm not theirs by blood! I was also adopted a 7 so the age thing doesn't make a difference! My sister just had my nephew too, so I understand what you are going through! I did the shower as well, was there at the birth and I just love him to death! Give yourself time heal from you loss of having a baby born from your uterus but know that you will still be a mom if you want to be! It's just another way of being a parent! Nothing less!!! Well, no strech marks, extra skin, ect..... I don't know if you are able too, but you can have your eggs removed for future use with a surragot mom. I wish there was something to say to make you feel better but you are in my prayers and thoughts! Please be kind to yourself! Take care and keep us posted!

Poor sweetie. {{{hugs}}} I can't even begin to imagine your pain, and know that my heart hurts so much for you. When you cry, please know that I'm praying for you, and asking God to put his arms around you and comfort you.

Sigh..I know there's nothing I can say to make it better, but I'm glad to know you feel comfortable enough here to let us be your shoulder to cry on. Feel free to do it any time.

Just want to send a hug because I know how you feel... I've been there myself I also have a niece & nephew who are a true joy in my life & I love them to death...but it's not the same I know. I also enjoy buying gifts for them & I think of them as "mine" through the blood bond we share! I thank God for them & they are so precious to me,because through their eyes I see an extension of myself since I can't have biological children of my own. I understand your pain all too well my dear, but if you adopt a child in the future you will "love" him/her as your own & I'm sure you will make a great Mom.

I am so sorry you're going through all of this right now.

Are you absolutely certain that your only remaining option is hysterectomy? It is possible that part of your anxiety is due to the fact that you're not convinced that you have no other options. If you haven't already done so, I'd suggest getting an additional medical opinion (or two) before having surgery. I know you're not feeling well, but honestly -- if surgery isn't the right answer, you won't feel better afterwards, either. I'm not trying to talk you out of this -- I'm simply trying to make sure you are "sold" on surgery as your last/best chance.

If you are convinced that you have no other options, then the reality of not being able to bear a biological child, while still painful, is going to at least be something you can accept on some level. The pain won't go away all at once, and perhaps it will never go away completely. Once you are ready, there are resources to help you deal with the ongoing pain and help you move on with your life.

I know this is probably small consolation, but there are thousands of members of this website who have not been able to bear children. So you know you are not alone. Whenever you post your frustrations, tears and anger, there will be someone out there who has felt (and maybe still feels) just like you. We're here to support you, to rejoice in your victories, and cry right along with you in your sorrow.

That baby shower must have been heart-breaking for you and I'm so proud of you for hosting it. That little baby and mom are very, very fortunate to have you in their lives.

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Originally Posted by laneybogs i know one day i will have a child but it won't be mine. will it feel like i will love him instantly? please help me keep my sanity.

Dear laneybogs:

Our 1st pregnancy ended in miscarriage... that baby was due in November 1987. In October 1987, we got a phone call that Amanda had been chosen for us. She came home to us (at age 11 months) in November 1987... our baby arrived right on time! I spent the first weeks just staring at her... I couldn't believe how lucky I was, how in love I was, or that someone had actually GIVEN her to us!!

In November 1988, our homemade daughter arrived. I must admit that she was just a little stranger to me in the delivery room. She hadn't captured my heart yet, like her older sister had Of course, that all changed as the days/weeks went by.

I still marvel over both my girls: one a gift from strangers, one a creation of my body. But BOTH special gifts from God

Both my girls were put on this earth to be ours; they ARE my *own*. Being pregnant & giving birth is such a tiny part of becoming a parent... that only lasts 9 months. Being a MOM lasts forever... it's not the birthing that makes you a mom, it's the nose-wiping.

You may also want to visit Aching Hearts to find other gals dealing with this issue.

I hope your heart feels better soon. Feel free to email or IM anytime. I am sending huge cyberhugs