Upcoming hysterectomy 8/29: Anger

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Originally Posted by moiraesfate I was in an accident that almost killed me. I was crossing the street and was hit by a car. I'm missing about a week of my memory. The left tibia/fibia were broken straight through so I have a rod running from my knee to my ankle. The top part of the bone under the kneecap was broken in three places so I have a plate holding it together. I am under strict orders to never do any kind of running and I'm not supposed to be lifting anything more than 20 lbs though I frequently do using my strong and uninjured right leg to support me. I had a spleen injury, and bleeding in my brain on the front and back of my skull and a skull fracture in the back. Witnesses say that I was j walking but I don't remember it. It was very cold that night and I had my hood up. The doctor says that I likely won't ever remember it and not to try because I was in alot of pain. The thing is, it took years to recover from that and I still hurt occasionally where the break was in my tibia/fibia. I lost the memory of most of my childhood for almost five years, and my sense of smell for almost a year. Physical therapy last almost a year. I know I was alone for a long time until after I woke up from the surgery after my accident. They air lifted me an one of the best hospitals in Canada (I live in Louisiana now. My husband is American) and saved my life. At the time I could have sworn my mum was holding my hand even though she died a year before. Turns out that a woman who works at the 7/11 near where I worked and who looks rather like her saw the accident and held my hand until the air ambulance got there. It's only in the last five years or so that I'm not in constant agonizing pain. Now I'm going back into the pain because of my uterus, and I am terrified. I know I can handle it, but I really really don't want to. So yes, I suppose it may be a form of ptsd. The fear of being alone has never come up before now. I'm very much an introvert and always have been. I also might as well have geek stamped on my forehead so people that share my passions are rare. You get used to being alone. But this time... I don't want to be. I was my husband with me. The idea of not being in total control of myself and my body bothers me so badly you can't imagine. You can't get more vulnerable than when you are chemically unconscious on an operating table and one of my greatest fears since I was a child is that I won't wake up from anesthesia. I'm trying to be strong but it's very hard.

You certainly have been through a lot! If you haven't already, you may want to give your doctor information about the accident and how anxious you are about being alone. Make sure to mention it to the anesthesiologist too. The idea of being put to sleep is scary. But millions of people have anesthesia each year and complications are rare. My Hysterectomy was my 11th surgery. Anesthesia is a strange feeling, since you go to sleep and wake up in recovery a couple hours later. It's kind of like a twilight zone experience. I have a feeling your mother will be there in spirit holding your hand the entire time. In the current recovery thread I am overseeing as a Sunshine Sister, many of the sisters are reporting minimal, if any, amounts of pain post-op. Modern medicine has come a long way. I will be thinking of you. for a successful surgery and an uneventful recovery!

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Originally Posted by moiraesfate It's only in the last five years or so that I'm not in constant agonizing pain. Now I'm going back into the pain because of my uterus, and I am terrified. I know I can handle it, but I really really don't want to. So yes, I suppose it may be a form of ptsd. The fear of being alone has never come up before now. I'm very much an introvert and always have been. I also might as well have geek stamped on my forehead so people that share my passions are rare. You get used to being alone. But this time... I don't want to be. I was my husband with me. The idea of not being in total control of myself and my body bothers me so badly you can't imagine. You can't get more vulnerable than when you are chemically unconscious on an operating table and one of my greatest fears since I was a child is that I won't wake up from anesthesia.

It does sound like PTSD coming in to play. Discuss this with your doctor, the sooner the better. He may be able to prescribe something for anxiety - several Sisters have shared that their doctors gave them that option.

I'd never been "put under" in my adult life (I don't remember much about the tonsillectomy I had when I was 5). Understand that there's a TEAM of specialists and medical professionals surrounding you in the OR and you are their #1 priority. There'll be one or two totally dedicated to monitoring your vital signs. Going under was amazing in hindsight - within 2-3 minutes of getting the "juice" I was out. It's way deeper than any sleep: there are no dreams, no sensations, and when you finally come around a few hours later, it feels like you'd only been out 5-10 minutes.

I don't even remember being rolled into my post-op room, but when I started becoming less groggy, hubs was right there. So it was like he was the last person I saw moments before being put under, and the first I saw upon awaking.

It's so easy to allow our minds to race. Try to focus on having your husband there in pre-op and post-op - that's the most likely outcome .