Today has been a shocker

Sorry to post this here, but I wanted to put this somewhere in the hope it would help.

In the words of a song I love, 'Please heal me/I can't sleep/Thought I was unbreakable/But this is killing me'

Today I was awake at 5am in nothing short of agony, it hasn't really stopped all day. Normally I can just keep on keeping on..... but today has been different. Crying on and off, and then getting cross with myself for being so pathetic and vulnerable and self-conscious. It's just not something I do.

I think if I could sleep properly it would be ok, but I can't settle until super late at night and even then I'm constantly waking up. When I do sleep, there's nightmares.

When I first sorted my date for surgery I almost felt excited; finally an end in sight, something happening to sort everything once and for all. But now it's the waiting game and I'm tired. Tired of feeling sick, tired of pain. Tired of trying to explain myself, tired of being that person nobody knows what to say to anymore.

Just. Want. This. Over.

Thanks for listening x

Hi Lollie-82 though it is little comfort I know exactly how you are feeling my surgery date is Sept 9 and I am going through all of the same things. Especially when it comes to trying to explain yourself to everyone and knowing that your friends are starting to avoid you and this conversation as they don't know what to say. And to be quite honest I am not sure what they should say to me anymore either. The only advice I have for you is actually stolen advice from a young friend of mine "just give yourself a me day and permission to feel whatever feeling you want to feel, cry all you need to and then pamper yourself with a hot bath and a good book or what makes you happy" it doesn't matter what you do as long as the day is all about you and feeling what you want to feel with no guilt and no one to care for but you for a full 24hrs. It surely won't fix anything but it will recharge you so that you will be able to handle things a little better the next day and so on .... you really are not alone

I hope you find some relief
Many blessings

Thank you ladybug - sounds like pretty good advice...and well worth stealing! I don't think I really expect (or even need) people to say anything; but I do wish they would give up with the awkward silences at the very least.

I shall run a bath tonight, and go for a long, long, long soak.... and then soak some more until I'm pickled like a prune.

Take care of yourself too!

Lollie

Chocolate got me through the pain. Not sure why Hershey's with almonds was the best at those times. Or maybe a gooey, warm brownie. Neither tasted as good at any other time. Hope your bath helped and you're feeling better.

Mmm... chocolate. If I'm going to walk around this bloated, I might as well be bloated and full of chocolate!

My bath was lovely and am a bit brighter again today. Another one tonight and I will be able to face the week with my brave face. The weekends always seem the hardest.

The waiting is the worst part (I know it sounds trite but it is true.) Once my date was set, it seemed to take forever to get here. There was way too much time to overthink my choice and to wonder about everything that could happen. My best advice - don't give yourself time to think. I cleaned my house, started a new cross-stitch project, worked on lesson plans (I'm a middle school teacher) and read a LOT of books. Spend this time learning how to take care of YOU. Acknowledge how you feel, let yourself feel it. I think we sisters have a tendency to put on a brave face and be way too hard on ourselves if we let others see that we don't feel good. You are allowed to feel bad and you are allowed to put yourself first to take care of the pain and then the healing. And don't forget you have a whole group of women here who honestly do know exactly how you feel!

Chocolate is a good thing. It actually releases the same endorphins in the brain that sex does! It's no wonder so many women are chocoholics! Just don't over do it, as you'll still want to like chocolate AFTER!

I have a friend who has several medical problems and his (yup, you read that right) doctor told him that a glass of wine before bed (as long as you're not taking narcotics or sleep aids) can actually do good for you. They've known for a while that red wine in moderation is good for your heart.

Waiting does suck. It took several months for my doctors to decide that my TVH was necessary and then it was almost three months to wait when they finally set the date! It's nerve wracking, tedious, exhausting, and the longer you wait the worse everything gets. Just remember that afterwards, you most likely will be thankful you waited it out and you'll definitely be able to wear those sexy white panties and that pair of white jeans that everyone (including me) seem to have in their closet.

I know - it's stupid really that I should be feeling like this now. It's been years of feeling rubbish, so a few weeks shouldn't make any difference to me at this stage! I suppose I just want to get on with it. I never was very patient!

Mmm... wine.... chocolate.... the idea of wearing sexy underwear once again... I knew there was a very good reason for joining this forum. Thanks ladies!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Lollie-82 I know - it's stupid really that I should be feeling like this now. It's been years of feeling rubbish, so a few weeks shouldn't make any difference to me at this stage! I suppose I just want to get on with it. I never was very patient! Mmm... wine.... chocolate.... the idea of wearing sexy underwear once again... I knew there was a very good reason for joining this forum. Thanks ladies!

Hi Lollie! I don't think what you're feeling is stupid at all, I think most of us can TOTALLY relate to what you're feeling. I knew my surgery date for about three months, and it was the longest three months of my life! I was feeling so worn down emotionally already and starting to beat myself up about all kinds of things...like what a drag I was to be around and what a terrible partner I was etc etc. The thing that helped me most of all was to try to focus on some point in the future when I was "all better", healed and healthy and happy, living an active full life again. I'd try to visualize that as much as possible.

And you have gotten some great feedback here about chocolate, "me time", bubble baths etc. If there ever was a time to be extra, extra nice to yourself, now is it! Before you know it, you'll be sitting here typing about your experience!

Hang in there!

No worries Lollie, you're far from alone. I've just stumbled onto this website today, as I'm approaching my surgery this Friday. After months of fibroids absolutely wrecking havoc in my life and on my body, I called the dr and said enough. They wanted to schedule me the next week and I had to say whooooooaaaaa. So I waited 3 weeks and now getting nervous. I guess a whole lot of nervous. I've put it out of my head, putting it as a simple fact and procedure. OK. Now the questions are flowing and it's really hitting me. Of course, time is passing slowly now. Keep us updated! I think we'll learn and live a lot with this new group of friends