surgery wed and need to vent

Sorry for venting but needs to be done, I am having my surgery on wednesday and feel like I am all alone.
I have 5 sisters ,my mom and husband and out of all of them. I have my dh and one sister that is going to help.I have two boys 3 and 8 and my xh is completely useless, he does not work and so I asked him to take the boys for me while i was in the hospital and of course he has a million and one excuses.
I have always been there for my mom even when she had a hysterectomy and when she had other major surgeries. I fell like I have always been there for everyone and now that I need it i am stranded on the island by myself. It is making me so angry? I guess that life !!! Thank You for listening..
Catherine

Catherine,

I know how you feel. My mom is continually making excuses as to why she can't come help out. My DH and I even offered to pay for her plane ticket (she lives in TX) and she still came up with a million and one excuses of why she can't be here for me.... even though "she'd like to". You know, all my life I have heard the phrase "actions speak louder than words" how do those of us with family members that SAY they want to help but don't have the actions to show it... how do we deal with that?

That's one of the things that makes me the most nervous. All of it being put on my DH shoulders. I am lucky in one respect though! My DH is a stay at home dad... however, he is disabled (not severely) so things will still be tough.

Just keep faith that it will all work out... you will be fine... you will make it through.... sorry I needed to vent a bit too

Just try to think about how much better it will be after this is all over... the waiting will be over for you and you will be on your way to recovery! best wishes and good luck

Catherine -

I am so sorry you feel so alone in this. A lot of people say situations like this build character, I think it reveals it (not yours but those around you).

I had an SAH and after the first 3 days, I was pretty ok. I lost blood in the surgery and that made the first couple days harder. I think you will find after a week, you won't need to be 'watched' but will need to make sure you don't try to take things on too soon.

It hurts when those we have helped don't help us. But you need to grieve that as best you can and move on to focus on what you can do for yourself.

There are things you can do to help yourself:

1. Plan ahead on meals so DH will just have to pop them in the oven for dinner. DS's can have sandwiches for lunch right? Your 8 year old can help with this by getting things out and putting things away even if you aren't ok with him making lunch. Cereal is ok for breakfast. You might consider measuring out bowls ahead of time. Again your 8 yo should be able to 'grab a bag and a bowl'.

2. An 8 yo should be able to help with even laundry. Make it a sorting game that the 3 year old might even like if they think its a game to learn colors. DH would probably have to move it from washer to dryer but then your DS should be able to get it into a basket for you to fold (don't lean to get it).

3. A little cleaning here and there your DS should be able to do as well. My best friend upped the allowance a bit those 1st couple of weeks but its was a short enough time her DD liked the additional money enough to help out where ever she could (she was 9)

I'm sure there are tons of other things. With no kids, my help I am sure is minimal. But I want to tell you, you will get through this. You will need to put yourself for a while. Someone mentioned it on another thread but I think it fits here to. When flying you know they show you that sign about the air masks...'place your own mask on before assisting others'? Its kind of the same thing. You need to take the time to make yourself a priority and heal right.

Just remember, on this board there is always someone listening. Its the perfect place to come when in need of an ear or a or just to have a good

Julie

hey Catherine - you know, perhaps its a blessing that not everyone will be around. After all, you'll be tired and maybe even a bit emotional. do you really want to deal with all their "stuff" too? when it comes down to it i bet they'll be offering their help anyway.
i actually look forward to being semi - alone. kids are still in school til the 15th. can't expect DH to sit around here all day twidling his thumbs. it's a bit scary cuz i don't really know what to expect as far as what i'll be able to do myself. fear of the unknown! i figure if i have a phone by the bed i can call a friend and just ask for the help. as someone else said... this is when you find out who the good friends are! Maybe it's better asking for help on our terms, then we're not forced into HAVING to deal with people when we don't feel the greatest.
It'll be OK i think. I worry mostly about the house "falling apart". you know how kids can destroy a clean house in 5 seconds. i am hoping to find someone to come in twice a week for the first two weeks - just for an hour each. wouldn't be too expensive and soooo worth the comfort it will give me not to have to look around and see a mess! found someone, i think, on craigslist. hmm... we'll see.
don't worry - it WILL work out.
wishing you well!!!!!!!!

Just a quick note--I said this to a friend today and hopefully it will apply to your situation as well. My kids have become VERY independent for the last 2 1/2 weeks. They are 7 an 9 (both just had birthdays), and they have helped me more than I ever could have predicted. Now that I am up and out a little bit more my DS is constantly checking on me and making sure I am not doing too much. I hope for you that your 8 year-old is like that too. I think if you are honest with him he is old enough to step it up a notch and take care of mom. Best wishes to you.

ThankYou girls!! YOu are all so very supportive and it makes me feel so much better. I took a nap so I am feeling a little better my DH woke me up with a great dinner. Again Thank YOu So much It really does help.
Catherine

Hi- I just want to share my quick recovery as I was preparing for pre-op only a week ago and find I'm well enough to connect with my hystersisters today. Of course last Tuesday I was out of it, but the next day I did go for short walks and ate the little bit of hospital food provided. Thurs I was wheeling my IV around pretty good and asking for extra food, so my Dr. paid me a visit about 3pm that day and discharged me. Boy was I excited, so here I am it's a little easier to climb the stairs today, but still need my sleep when I tire. Tomorrow I get my staples out, can't wait as they are pinching once in awhile. All in all, I really do feel better than last week and each day gets better as the healing continues!!!
Take it slow all