Every thought revolving around The Date!

Pre-op insanity...yep, call the men in the white coats and tell them to bring their nets and to get the rubber room ready. Then give them my address and have them come get me, too, because I am royally losing it. I sat on the toilet the other night, weeping and babbling incoherently, and my husband kept suggesting we go for a walk. I finally shouted at him that OK, FINE, I'd go on a stupid walk just to get him to shut up about going on a stupid walk. I was furious that this was the best suggestion he could come up with.

Oh, and I didn't stop there. I was enraged that all of this was going on in my life and he didn't have a bloody clue as to what was involved. I told him that if were HIM that was about to get snorfledoodleD that I'd bloody well be researching EVERTHING about his operation and its aftermath.

(I did find that when I put it in terms of snorflation, that caught his attention. He finally told me to stop using that word, and I told him that I intended to use it as often as possible in the hopes that he would get his head around what was going to happen to me.)

I got a call of the doc's office today confirming my surgery date and setting up my pre-op appt and all of the other hoohaa that you have to endure before anyone sticks a knife in you. It made me so angry that dh wasn't home; he has to pay child support/college tuition for 4 kids, and while I don't begrudge them the money, I begrudge them the time. I get to have dinner with him at a reasonable time maybe 6 nights a month. The rest of the time he is either working an extra job to support those kids or else his youngest is with us for visitation weekend. The rest of the time, I am totally on my own. So, to be honest, right now I'd be delighted to spend some time away in a white padded room with some other hystersisters, lulled into sleep by passing figures in white suits. I could do with the company. Anything is better than stewing in my own fury.

See what I mean about insanity? LOL!!

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one waiting for the big Thorazine shot via dart gun to hit me at any moment! ("Aye, we bagged a real nutter this time!")

I'm now on the two week countdown. I find that every thought revolves around the big H. I caught myself today almost telling the checker at the grocery store that I was buying so much frozen food because of my upcoming hysterectomy. Yep, definitely certifiable!

It does help so much to hear that so many others feel as crazy as I do! Thanks, ladies!

Oh, "crazy" doesn't even begin to describe it.

A couple of days ago, I had an appt with my kidney doc who informed me that because of the anaemia caused (probably) by my stupid bloody fibroids, I am now going to have to take weekly EPO injections MAYBE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. That lovely bit of news along with the prospect of major abdominal surgery has made me feel like a deflated weeble. So, my rant last night (I seem to have one each night now) was along the lines of "My life is getting ready to change forever, and no one seems to care! Everyone is just so cavalier about it all!"

And to think I still have a month to go! I'm going to be really sick of myself pretty soon now. I'm supposed to fly halfway across the country in a few weeks' time to attend a family reunion that I had really been looking forward to, but the prospect of having to enter an airport and then an airplane is driving me nuts. I just want to find that rubber room and hang out there for the next four weeks.

Oh yeah, in a piece of exquisite timing, my surgery will be on Election Day. And do you think the nation is going to care? No, they bloody well won't because everyone will be thinking of something else, I don't know why...LOL! I just hope that my surgeons will pay attention to what they're doing and not be distracted by John King and his Magic Wall or whatever it is he calls it...

Yep, I know what you mean, if anyone other than you sisters knew what went through my mind each day they would definately send those men in white coats. I have 19 sleeps to go, not that I am counting. lol, so puppy-ma we will be recovering at same time. Found out my date 3 months ago so it has seemed like forever. I plan to be so organised, but if I don't stop hanging out on this site I will never get it done. But if I do stop hanging out on this site I will go crazy. Thanks to all of you, and hugs to all us ladies in waiting.

I only had 12 days between the time I found out I needed the surgery for sure and the date, but I also obsessed about it. Working full time and finding distractions helps. Being a caregiver and having to focus on someone else helps. But it doesn't stop until you're on your way. I talked to anyone I felt close enough to who would listen. I talked to women who had been through it. I talked to my Mom--a lot--long distance, who had been through it. I talked to my sister who had just gone through it a few months ago. I prayed a lot. And I found this site. It's wonderful knowing that you're not alone. Check out all the forums, be prepared to laugh, cry, fume, etc. Keep yourself occupied. And remember, afterwards, it was worth it.

It was so great to read over the posts in this forum - I've had my first real laugh about it all! Thankyou for your honest and passionate sharing. I recognise myself in every single story. Isn't it such a trap to start worrying about not being able to stop worrying!!!! If that's not the road to insanity - what is? My hyster is on the tip of my tongue and right in the front of my mind the second my eyes are open til I finally give in and give over to sleep for a few hours.
I thank God for Hystersisters. I'd be lining up for meds now without it. I've been taking homeopathic anxiety meds til I got on here and the butterflies are gone. Thats great because I have 7 weeks to get thru yet!!!

Thank you so much for yours words of encouragement. I am trying my best to stay positive and I know God is in control. But I am still very scared this is consuming me so much< I even dream about it. Other than having my three children I have never been in a hospital. I went yesterday for my pre-op appoinment and had a melt down at the hospital. I am so thankful to have found this site and log in every day. Thank you again and keep me posted on your progress.

Caribi

I was doing ok..all your Posts helped. Then the hospital called today, but it was too late to call back! (until Monday...So I am a wreck again).
What kind of tests do they do at Pre-op? I never met the Dr who's doing the surgery. I also saw the NP..Still don't know what type of surgery they plan to do but I think it's a total (pre-cancerous cells in the uterus)--Not too many options. Although I think it's best to have the surgery since I am already in menopause. Not sure if I am scard of the pain (recovery) or the possiblity that they will find cancerous cells. I just had a pap, uterine biopsy and a TV ultrasound. A D&C was never mentioned, maybe because I am already in menopause?

I find comfort in reading these posts from other women who are facing hysterectomies. My husband really thinks I am about ready to go around the bend. I try not to drive him nuts about it every day, but he is my rock (after Jesus, that is). I have never been particulary close to my mother and his mother is dead. So, outside of this site I feel alone in my waiting and wondering.

I keep telling my husband that he needs to take a peek in this forum and see that the feelings I am haivng are perfectly normal for a woman in my situation. But I can't convince him to do that. I just think it would make him come to the realization that I am acting like most women do in this situation.

I am so glad I found this site! It has been a real boost for me!

For what it is worth, I did finally put the countdown numbers on my calendar! I am wondering if my hubby will notice it.