guess my recovery is over

this whole week my dh has done basically nothing. I asked him to split the wood smaller for the fire which he did but its not that much smaller.
today he came home..dinner ready as it has been...he stopped at the store to get cheese and coffee..cheese is mainly for our old dog who gets meds daily. coffee I rationed myself this morning. the dogs..we have 2 aussie pups 9months old who love to go outside..well they went outside. he had a fit..he worked in the cold all day and didn't want to chase the dogs in the yard...yeah well I got them all day to come in. so tomorrow. my pillows and blankets go back upstairs, the vaccuuming that I hoped he would do I will do. the laundry that has been sitting to go upstairs for a week and all the other things that have waited I will do....what a jerk. never helped me with anything. I want to scream but instead I just cry silently while he sleeps on the couch...nice guy. I was so proud of how I feel and look and he doesn't give a crap.

Holly --

Dooonnn'ttt vacuum! Don't carry laundry! Don't, don't, don't.

PLEASE take care of yourself. Please, please, please.

Your health is worth looking the other way. Please put yourself first - just this once.

Got to agree, Holly. You may be frustrated to the enth degree, but take it from one who foolishly overdid it -- it's not worth it. Laundry, no. Vacuuming, absolutely not! I ended up in so much more pain for a longer time than it should have been, way longer. Everything is delicate and needs to rest and heal now. Besides, doing it yourself teaches him something: his behavior works! Why not just let everything pile up, that might teach him that you're not to do it right now. Bless your heart, hon. Take care of yourself.

just hurts that he doesn't care

Holly, your recovery will be over very quickly if you tear something. If you need him to vacuum, tell him. Same with the laundry. I got a ton of moaning and muttering tonight, but to me, 6 days of no cleaning has put the house into UNACCEPTABLE and I'd rather have him crabbing and my floors done. No amount of common sense moved him, I had to plain out say "do this" "now do this" like he's a child.

You MUST NOT lift, twist, pull or push. Anything that involves that, until your doctor (not DH, not DIL) says differently, can be done by a fmaily member or can be done by hired staff. Does hubby want to push a vacuum or write a check for $50-$250 a week?

If you do this to spite them, they won't get it. They will think, 'see? we were right' if you don't hurt yourself, and if you do hurt yourself, I have no doubt that they will blame noone but you for that as well.

Speak up plainly and clearly, and let him make the choice. Otherwise, can you go stay with your daughter for a few weeks? I am not being pampered here, but I draw the line at self care. Dogs, cats, garbage, laundry, cleaning, dishes, taxi service, meals... not my deal. I appreciate your posts because it reinforces to me that even if I am not openly bleeding, I still need to make it clear to my family that I am in recovery.

Hope it works out for you.
Tracy

(((Holly)))

I'm so sorry for what you're going through right now. I can't imagine how much that would hurt for your hubby to act like that. Just please don't do anything to jeapordize your recovery. I speak from experience when it comes to overdoing it too early--don't vacuum or do the laundry right now!!! He's a male, you're going to have to tell him exactly what you need him to do in order to help you. And I'd phrase it like that and say that this early in your recovery his (in)action could cause you an even longer recovery by forcing you to feel like you have to do everything around the house when you aren't medically cleared for it yet. Men generally tend to be "do-ers" and if you set them an exact task in order to help you and mention that sex with them would be postponed due to their inaction, well they tend to jump through whatever hoop you set them. Hope that helps a bit!

Take care of you. Please don't do too much too soon.

--Selene

I am so sorry your going through what your going through but from what everyone is saying and also from what I have read on this site, you get only one chance to heal right. I have a DH who has really surprised me with the help with cooking and cleaning and although he doesn't do it as well as I would like I am learning to be grateful for the help he is giving. I use my grabber to pick up items out of the laundry basket to place in the washer and dryer and I make sure I do this one item at a time because I dont want to strain myself and it takes me longer than it would normally but I am not trying to hurt myself. Really listen to the advice given here especially from those who have learned from experience in a bad way. Wishing you a safe healing one day at a time.

Holly, couldn't agree more with what everyone is saying. I didn't listen to my docs and over did it w/ some prior surgeries as well. That could have been why it took me a year to heal from one c section and had a belly full of scar tissue, they couldn't even see my uterus, bladder, or ovaries....all that from over doing it. And believe you me, scar tissue is really painful.
I know how you feel, although hub helped in the beginning and still will if I ask "HIM". I was doing laundry about a wk after sugery, on floor level, and he told me "I will do it, all you have to do is ask me"...I learned right then, that he would do pretty much do anything I ask him, I just have to ask. Men, in general are not maticulous like us woman, and don't care about dishes, laundry, or floors...LOL Just as long as they have clean plate to eat on, clean clothes for that day, and they can walk on the floor...LOL...ok, maybe a little exaggerated...but you get the point. Please don't continually walk up the step, or down, do the laundry...and above everything else....NO VACUUMING, you really don't think it will bother anything, but boy, does it.
I sincerly hope things get better, maybe mention an article or a site, that he can read up on. Many men don't realize what all is involved, you could always let him watch the video....:O..;O! As hard as it is...you just have to let things go for a bit, so you can do them later the way YOU want. I hope things get better.

Hi Holly, I cleaned floors and did laundry and stuff the week after coming out of hospital and now I'm bleeding again down below and I was doing so well! I'm 4 weeks post op now and still sore. My husband and teenage kids are very loving but they see that I'm up and about and looking quite well so they think I'm OK. But I told them I couldn't do it, I was just making myself ill again. They help a bit more now but still not as much as I would like. I don't want to nag at them to do things I just want them to see what needs done and do it without me asking. I wish I had taken things easier now. Good luck. Oh and if I feel like vacuuming or cleaning I just sit down till the feeling passes!

Holly-DO NOT VACUUM.I went back to work for a day at 14 days and vacuumed and I think that is why I had such a horrible 2 and 3 weeks.It is not worth it.It is the pushing and pulling that is such a no-no.You are not healed.Don't let anyone make you think you are.