Tomorrow is the day and I'm grieving a different loss

Yesterday (3/3/08) I had to put my 15 yr old cat to sleep. I loved her more than anything in this world and the pain I'm feeling is immense. I live alone and she was all I had. I loved her like she were my child.

I feel like I have nothing to go on for. Today I'm finishing up laundry. I start bowel prep in about 10 minutes. I have no energy, nothing sustaining me.

Luckily I'm the first surgery in the morning so fasting won't be as hard as it could be.

I'm in a fog. I'm so depressed that I can barely breathe. I just don't understand why all this had to happen when I'm about to have this surgery.

I've been crying for days. Now I have nothing to worry about as far as being in the hospital....I was obsessing over her care and who would be here to help out...but now she's gone, so it's just me. I really don't care much about getting help for me at this point.

My aunt called and said she was worried about them operating on me when I'm in such distress...she fears I won't wake up from the anesthesia. Does anyone know if this would affect me? I imagine my recovery is going to be so much harder without my beloved baby with me.

I don't want to come home a "punctured princess" to this empty apartment, yearning for her love and presence to inspire me to get better.

Thank you for listening.

God bless you all.

Jenn,

I truly believe our pets know what's right for us, including when to leave. I can imagine she knew you were concerned about taking care of her and feeling like you weren't able to after surgery and she chose this time to go. You simply made sure she wasn't suffering anymore.

Most people I know who have had to lose a dear pet, suddenly, and without planning, seem to find their next beloved one at the most unexpected time and place. Maybe try to look at this as an opportunity to allow another cat the chance to share your life.

Trust that you will be ok. You can share with your doctors that you just lost her and the feelings around that. If they have any doubts, they will postpone the surgery.

I hope you find your peace,
Roberta

(((((((((((((crystalwrists74)))))))))))))))

I am truly sorry for your loss and I understand the deep sadness that you are feeling. When I had to put my boy-boy kitty (Martin) down last summer it hurt so bad. He in particular (we have other cats) would lay on me when I was in pain-that cat truly loved me.

When I lost him, I kept thinking about God's eye being on the sparrow. If God's eye is on such a small thing, then His eye surly is on all of our beloved pets. And His eye is definately on each of us. I understand the void that is left by your precious kitty being gone, but you must find inspiration to get through this surgery and recovery.

Our attitudes do have an impact on our surgeries and recoveries and I will be praying that you find peace and hope during this very difficult time.

God bless,

bitterpill

I am so sorry for your loss! I had to put my cat to sleep a year and a half ago at a time when things were very difficult in my life and it was so hard, I loved her so much. I couldn't understand why that had to happen. I know your kitty wants you to be well and is always with you as loving companion. Once you've healed from your grief, you'll have the blessed opportunity to give another cat a wonderful home and lots of love. That will be one lucky cat! Blessings - Mariah

So sorry for your loss Jennifer For many of us our best friends and companions can be in the form of a pet. I'm sorry that you had to lose yours sweetheart. Remember, I know it's hard to see now, but everything happens for a reason and it happens when it is supposed to happen. That doesn't make it feel any better. However, try your best to think about all the positive things that you experienced together. Imagine how happy your made your kitty feel, because you loved her so much.l Think about games you would play together, how she was when she was a kitten. Really try to celebrate her life, and your life together, not her passing. I know the last thing that you want to do right now is think about getting another pet, for fear of feeling as if you are trying to replace her. There is never going to be another pet just like her. They are very unique creatures, just as we are. However, perhaps when you feel a bit better, and are through your recovery from your hysterectomy, you can think about a new pet to love. Just remember, this one can't possibly be the other pet, and you shouldn't have those expectations. Your surgery, however hard it may be to even think of right now, is important for your health. Your kitty would want you to feel better, that's why they cuddle and comfort us all the time. If you can't do it for yourself at this point, do it for just that. Try your best to do what it takes to take good care of yourself, that's what your little one would want you to be doing. I will keep you in my thoughts, good luck and best wishes. I hope that you can find some peace and joy in your heart, that you were able to spend such a great deal of time with someone that you loved.

Hi Crystalwrists74,

I am sending a big cyber...

You hang in there. Your little baby's spirit will guide you through the surgery. She will be there for you...no matter what.

I lost ~my little man~ as I called him in 2003. He was 20 yrs. old. I still miss him. I keep his ashes in a box-urn..so I can kiss it everyday...and think of him.

So, I can understand some of what you are going through. It takes time to grieve. I will never let go of the time I had with my cat. He will always be part of my memories...as your little baby will be too.

Our love ones never really leave us. They continue to be a warm glow in our thoughts...that help get us through our day. So...just remember she will be with you through your surgery and through your recovery...looking down on you from cat heaven.

Sending best wishes~

Mary

My heart goes out to you for your loss. I have a 16 year-old cat who's been with me since she was 4 months old, and every time I think of "that day" arriving I'm in tears. Maybe the Sister who mentioned pets knowing when it's time to go is correct. Animals are such sensitive things...maybe your girl just knew she was getting close to the end and decided to make one less worry for you. She knew you will always have her in your heart.

I don't know that depression has the effect of making someone not wake up for anesthesia. However, depression can make someone not care about herself so please, please, please get your aunt or someone else to help you through this time. Maybe the hospital where you're having your surgery, or your doctor, would have some ideas about what you could do to ease some of the pain of your loss. I think getting a new kitty would be therapeutic but only when you're ready. She would not be a replacement for your dear one but you could start a new journey in life together.

I'm sorry that your kitty picked this time to go. But, just remember that she will be looking to help you in your recovery. She doesn't want you to be sad and miss her- she wants you to get better! She wants you to live your life to the fullest!!

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Oh ((((((Jennifer))))) I am so sorry for your loss. I have had kitties all my life, and have never been able to deal with their loss - I go to pieces.

I have two fifteen-year-old kitties right now, whom I know will not live forever, and my goes out to you today.

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I don't want to come home a "punctured princess" to this empty apartment, yearning for her love and presence to inspire me to get better.

You will never be alone as long as you have her memory with you. I know it's not the same, but it's something to hang onto. I'm sure she loved you very much and would want you to get better. And of course a new kitty is never a substitute for one who has passed, but perhaps your kitty will some day send a little one your way who needs the same kind of love you gave her.

Please let your DR know how you are feeling. IMHO they should know if you are feeling this despondent before going into surgery. They may be fine with keeping the schedule or they may want to postpone until you have had a chance to grieve - but let them make the decision about that. I'm glad that your aunt cared enough to call you with her concern. She's a keeper!

Whatever happens with the schedule, good luck with your surgery. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but these dark clouds will pass and the will shine on you again. We'll be here with you in the meantime.

s,
-Linda

Jennifer, my heart goes out to you. Remember you are not alone in this sisterhood. My prayers will be with you... Big hug