How do I explain to my ds?

I am having TAH sometime in December, (No date yet). Last night my ds (10 yrs. old) was hysterical that something is going to happen to me. He said he would rather have me in pain than be without me. How do I reassure him without lying that everything will be okay? I am looking forward to my surgery, but am anxious about how he is going to hold up until everything is over. Any suggestions?

I know how hard it is to talk to children about all of this. I have 3 children ages 13, 9 and 7. I have just had a surgery on 9/11 to attempt to get rid of my pre cancer, but instead they found something much worse. So i am again scheduled for 10/23! I have had to "finesse" my kids through this, as well as my dh, for they all depend on me so much and I have never had anything happen to me before like this. My surgery is to rid my body of adenocarcinoma cells which are very difficult to detect, and may come back too. Its very touchy.

I dealt with my children by telling them the truth or to the best of my ability what I feel will be the outcome. With my daughter who's 9, I wrote out a timeline. ie. mommmy will be in bed for 3 days, then sort of limping around for 5 days etc etc so that she could get a visual idea that I would indeed be back to myself again. For my pending surgery, I will do the same thing, Mommy will be in bed for 2 weeks, then sort of up and down for 2 weeks etc and finally back to my normal routine by christmas, etc. I explained to my children that If I dont get this surgery that the "bad cells" might take over, and this surgery will make me all better again. I told them that I need their help to take care of me so that I can get better sooner. (This is true for all princesses. Even the "rocks")

Maybe you could explain to your son that NOT having the surgery will hurt you for the rest of your life. Tell him that you need his help to get through the surgery and although its ok for him to be sad or mad (youre sad and mad too) but it has to be done for mommy to feel better and for things to get back to normal, so both of you will have to be strong together and get through it.

Sometimes honesty is the best policy for kids. They see whats going on at age 10.. so keeping things from them only serves to instill fear about what you may be keeping from them.

My 2 cents. Hope it helps.

Lots of love, and good luck with everything.

Tanca

AnnsyPansy,

My heart goes out to you.I have a 6 yr old DS and I was afraid he would take the news of my hyst the way yours did. I like you had some time before my procedure so I mulled it over until I figured out a way to tell him the truth without scaring him. It may be harder for you because your son is older and understands life a little more.

My best advise is to give him major hugs and to let him know that the doctors are highly trained and that you have checked them out and trust them. If you go into this surgery believing that you will be alright on the other side of this it will go a long way to reassure him.

If on the other hand you are not 100% sure about this surgery then I suggest seeking another opinion. You MUST be condifent in your choice and YOUR doctor. It is Your right and Your body, make sure you know that this is the right decision for YOU.

Let us know what happens.

s

Donna

My kids are 13 and 11 and never seemed worried. They said we always get the cats fixed and that isn't a big deal (the cats always come home ok). I'm ok being compared to the cats because it helped the kids see that this surgery is something the doctors do every day. We have always had cats and they are always fixed as soon as they turn 6mo automatically. They understand I will take longer to heal than the cats do but that I am having my uterus removed and that I won't be able to have babies (same as the cats). Not everyone may be ok with being compared to having a cat snorfleed but it worked with mine. Once they were ok with the concept, I showed them a simple picture of what was actually going to be removed from me. This took place over about a week so they had time to get used to each idea before we moved on to the next idea. My 13yo is a girl so I was more detailed with her since she has already gone through puberty. My 11yo is a boy so I gave him just what I felt he could take based upon his reactions to what I was telling him each time.