emotional, nervous and scared

I am 12 days out from a TVH and A&P repair. I feel silly being so obssessed with this surgery, but I am having trouble focusing on anything else. I am 39 with 2 kids, and have technically been "through" having children, but always left it to fate to decide. Now that I am going to to have this surgery and take away any chance of being preg., I am really sad. Not to mention I am one of the 2 oldest people in my dept at work--so while my coworkers are sympathetic--they don't really understand. Plus, two of them recently announced they are pregs! Glad for them, but I can't even walk in a baby store without crying!:cry:

I am dreadfully afraid of pain and am not one to just sit still and take care of myself. And, I am supposed to have a cath for 2 weeks at home-YUCK! My dr says their will be no lifting for 6 weeks due to the extent of the repairs. I feel like all the work I have been doing at the gym for the last 8 weeks will go down the drain. Any experience on that?


I guess the bottom line is, I feel like I need to do it all for my family, and I think I will be failing them. I don't feel like my family understands this inner turmoil. My dd turns 13 on 8-1 and I will still be in the castle. My son turns 15 on 8-16 and I will just be cleared to drive (I hope!). Plus their school starts on 8-14--and I know my dh will not be patient with their back to school request. The all about me list goes on...

Sorry about all the whining--just reading some of the other posts and the supportive replies has been insightful.

I can certainly relate to your thoughts about getting pregnant again. I'm 44 with four children. My last one has been just difficult enough that I wasn't sure I wanted to go thru it again at my age. But we also always thought it was in God's hands. It feels strange to be taking that option away.

I always enjoyed being pregnant. It's sad to think that I'll never experience that again. But that day was coming sooner or later. I have to remember that what I'm doing is so that I will be healthy and alive to take care of the children I have.

I don't think there is any way for your family to understand what you're feeling. Men can't understand a woman's feelings about pregnancy and motherhood. And kids just aren't mature enough to comprehend.

I'm sorry you'll be in the hospital on your daughter's birthday. It's probably harder on you than it is on her. As for the back-to-school stuff, is it possible for you to get a lot of that out of the way before your surgery since you have 12 days to go?

No real words of wisdom here but I hope it helps you to know that someone else understands what you're going through.

Janet

Hi,

The superwoman syndrome is very prevalent here, but you are going to have to find a way to give yourself permission to let others do for themselves and for you.

There are tons of suggestions on the home page Pre-Op Hysterectomy Articles for getting your house and family ready for post op. Maybe no one else folds clothes the same way you do, or vacuums as thoroughly as you do, etc, but you will have to find a way to ignore it for a few weeks.

You may be surprised at how well your family can actually manage when they have to. Start now teaching them how to do laundry (I have instructions posted in my laundry room and they've been there for a couple of years, not just for post op) and other chores that you won't be able to handle for a while.

Best wishes!

As far as your hard work at the gym going down the drain goes, I'm concerned about the same thing. Yesterday I discovered that the owner of the gym I work out at has also had a hysterectomy. She told me that your muscles do retain "muscle memory" and although you need to take it very slow and easy after your doctor has released you, it is very probable that you will be back in the shape you were, it's just going to take time and patience.

Jan

Well,of course you're obsessing. When I was waiting it was all I thought about. No matter what else was going on it was in the back of my mind. I think we all have the kinds of feelings you describe. I am 49 and my children are grown but I had a weekend when I got emotional thinking about that the fact that I was going to discard the organ that nurtured my beautiful kids. I felt really silly. I can tell you that the surgery was not as bad as I expected nor the menopause that followed. I mean this is the way to do menopause!
Good luck!

what you are feeling is understandable. Although I'm 51 and don't want any more children. But it is a shock to have that decision taken away from you. I'm looking forward to grandchildren!

You also feel that if nothing else, you should have total control over your own body. Now you are giving that away--for at least 6 weeks. I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym myself. I was so unable to do anything for months prior becasuse of one long and constant period and I was in constant pain. It seemed like the slightest exertion would pass more blood and I was running back to the bathroom often enough already because I was frequently changing pads--I was beyond "plugs".


Breathe deep. You timing is right for you.
TC

I know how you feel. I am 29 and having my surgery on 8/2. It was ok when the decision was yours to make about having children. Now that it is final and not in your control anymore it saddens you.
I already went and bought my son's school supplies. He goes to a Catholic school and the uniform company will be at the school the day of my surgery so I have to put that task off on my sister and my grandmother who are having to come from out of town to do this for me and to pick up my kids.
Knowing that it is the best thing should help in the long run. Just think after healing you won't have the problems you had prior to surgery. I wish you luck with your surgery and the emotional ups and downs.

Rachelle

Everyone has been so supportive--Thank you! It helps knowing I am not out here alone.


Our schools are funny here, they won't release the supplies information until August. I guess I will just buy the basics and work it from there.

On a good note-my dd is going to have a few friends over early next week to celebrate. They are going to have "makeovers" and manicures, do lunch and see a movie. I think I will tag along and use it as an excuse to pamper myself. My husband is out of town until the 28th anyway. Besides, what's one day off of work when I am getting ready to take off 6 weeks!

I did tell my husband when he gets back in 8 days I will be an emotional wreck--in other words he'd better come home and just say "yes dear, whatever I can do for you" --Think that we'll work???


I will be thinking of all of you who emailed me and are pending surgery as well. Once again--everyone THANK YOU!

Hey, your life sounds so similar to mine that I just had to reply to your post. I am also scheduled 7/30, I am almost exactly your age (38), and I have a son 16, and daughter, 12, and they start school on 8/12, and I worry how will I get them ready?

Then there is my 5 year old boy, starting kindergarten this year, and my older two will be out of town the day of my hyst, and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do with the little one while I'm at the castle, but... I have something to say about losing the chance to have another child. I feel so lucky to have had my third, when my daughter started kindergarten I got a case of baby fever so bad, and it took a lot of effort (and several miscarriages) to have the third. And now here he is starting kindergarten, and baby fever has hit me again, the desire for a little one, which is very strange, because I DO NOT want more and of course, couldn't anyway. But I have to tell you that as much as I am grateful for that last baby, and all the joy he has brought me, it is very difficult to have a much younger child so far after the other two. Just as you feel envy for those who are still able to make that choice, if you had another baby, you'd likely feel envy for those who have finally feeling a little freedom for the rigors of motherhood when their kids start high school, while you are still in the diaper stage sixteen years after you started! Once my older kids were in school, I forgot how difficult it was to take care of little ones, romanticizing the whole baby stage as perfect mommy heaven. But easy for me to say, now, right? Just know that it is rare for mothers to feel totally at peace about all their baby decisions (or lack thereof).

Anyway, even without agony over the baby choice, I think this hyst is one of the most strangely emotional things I've ever had to face. Fear and doubt and relief and impatience and everything all rolled into one. And once it's scheduled, seems like there's nothing one can do but ride it out. Here's hoping it gets a little less bumpy for you, and that you come out smiling!

Take care, Teena