Do you let your kids visit you in the castle?

Hi,
I had my TAH on May 13th and whilst I was in the OR my DH went home and got my eldest DS (i have 4 ds aged 12, 8, 6 and 3) and brought him back with him, this was because he was very worried about me and had to see for himself I was okay. I was heavily medicated and only awake for a couple of minutes at a time but ds was reassurred that I was okay and just sat holding my hand. The following day DH brought 3 year old whilst others were at school and his words were "Oh dear, mummy is broken" and he sat very good just talking to me.
After that I saw 3 year old during school hours and either 12 year old or the 8 and 6 year old after school, all 4 of them wanted to see where I was cut and have been very good and understanding about the whole thing and I found seeing each other was very reassurring for all of us.
I was in a room of 6 women (all older than me and in for different reasons) and my room mates all looked forward to seeing my boys as they said they were delightful, well behaved children and they enjoyed seeing a very close and loving family as not all families are like that (we tell each other everyday we love each other and always have lots of hugs too).
The only time all the boys came to the castle was the day i came home, they turned up at 9.15 am (visiting started at 9.30am) and when the dr turned up to do rounds she asked them if they had come to take me home, they all answered "yes, please!" so I was allowed home.
My roomies were all saying they wished I could stay as they would miss seeing the boys.
Personally I did what was best for us as a family and it worked for us, so if I were you I would go with my instincts and see how it goes. You can always get your DH to leave a little early if you find seeing the children upsetting or they get upset but they would probably find it easier if they do see you rather than not see you.
Good Luck and Best Wishes for your surgery and recovery,
Joes-bit
(Helen)

You know your own children better than anyone. I can understand wanting to see them, but how will they react? And can someone take them out quickly if they become upset because of how you appear to them, or if they get bored and start to create a problem for your roommate if you have one, or other patients on the floor? Noisy, running around, etc. Are they going to want to climb on the bed with you (ouch ouch ouch), push buttons on the bed, etc etc etc.

My mother had a hyst when I was about 20-21y/o. I went to see her the night of surgery, and I was terrified, sure she was going to die, because she was so out of it - moaning, hooked up to iv's and O2, in so much pain - and I was a med tech student so the hospital wasn't a strange environment to me. That image has stayed with me for 28 years.

Hi,
My surgery was done late on a Monday and I did not get back to my room till 8:30 or 9 PM. I told hubby not to have the kids there then....I knew I would look and feel rough. I talked to my youngest (4 yo) on the phone the next morning and then hubby brought all three kids in to see me later in the afternoon (after getting the boys ages 8,6 from school). By that time, I was able to be out of bed....My plan was to "look as normal as possible" so I put on my own jammies and *very little* make up...I also asked hubby to keep the visit short because I do not like the idea of my kids being around the hospital....germs, other sick people can be scary, they can get loud even though I had a private room etc...I mainly wanted them to come and see for themselves that mommy was gonna be alright. (*a little warning though*....my 4 yo wanted to climb up in bed with me to give me hugs and kisses....well, she got too wiggly and bumped into my tummy (I had TAH/BSO) and that hurt terribly. I saw stars!!!! Then she wanted to puch the buttons on the bed that make the bed go up, down and all that jazz....that wasnt too comfy either.) I felt like you, I didnt want to go without seeing the kids and I wanted them to feel reassured that I was OK. We kept our hospital visits short and we talked on the phone lots. Best wishes to ya

I had my 3 DS (10,8,and 7) visit me on the day after surgery. I wanted them to see that I was ok. They felt better also knowing that I was getting better. Their visit was very short so that I could keep up appearances and not get too tired. This worked well for our family.
When I was younger, my father was in the hospital many times and I remember not being able to see him was much scarier than seeing him with all of the tubes and machines hooked to him. My mother was wonderful to explain what they were for and why he needed them. I knew that they were meant to be temporary and would help him get better.
You know your children better than anyone and you will do what is best for your family. Follow your instincts.

I have a few thoughts on this subject. My DH is out of the country so I shipped my girls off to friends. They are 17, 12 and 5. I decided that I did not want to scare the 5 year old so I just talked to her on the phone frequently and she was fine with that. My friend that was keeping her and the 12 year old came up 1 evening with the 12 year old and her 8 year old daughter. It was ok, but I was tired when they left. My 17 year old went out of town with other friends and came up when she got back into town and it was great. However, none of them saw me at the worst. By the time anyone came by, there was no IV or cath.

Now this... when I got into a room, I had the roommate from you know where. Not mean, just clueless. I was brought up from surgery about 6:30 in the evening and the room was full of her visitors. There must have been at least 10 people in there, including several children. And they kept coming all evening and the next day also. They were loud and rowdy. There were so many people that with my curtain completely pulled they were still up against my bed. It was a nightmare! Finally, a private room came available and the nurses moved me.


It is a hard call. I remember that after the births of the 2 youngest it was very stressful for DH to bring the siblings to visit. Kids want to be active and curious and I just wanted peace and quiet.

I am going to have my mom take my daughter (10) and my mother-in-law take my son (8) for the weekend. My date is on a Friday. They know I am going to the hospital, I told them that I had a pain and it needed to be fixed. Having them with the grandmas helps keep their minds off of me. My husband is going to bring them to pick me up.

I had LAVH on the 21st of this month. I also have a 7yr. old DD and 3 1/2 year old stepson. DD stayed with me the entire time, that is where she wanted to be and I had already explained what was going on and what she would see. She didn't mind....just wanted to be there. DH brought DS to visit for short time, but I was out of it. He wanted to come see me though. Other than that, DH stayed until DD kicked him out of the bed early in the morning. He went to the house, caught some and then returned. I was only in overnight.

The point is, each situation is unique. I was very comfortable with my daughter being there because she knew what to expect and it was important to her to be there for me. You are the best judge of your situation...as others have said. Just be honest with them about what is going on....in terms they are comfortable with...so there are no surprises. Explain that you will be sleepy and have funny looking wires and tubes on and around you but they are there to make you feel better. My 7yr. old was more at ease with it. Younger one was curious, but okay. Just be honest in kid terms...I can't stress that enough.

Best of luck to you.
crickett283

THANK YOU EVERYONE (keep the ideas comming.)
I had not even thought about half the stuff sugg.

I still do not know what to do, but maby I can play it by ear (see how I feel, roomate, so on).

Also distance.... the castle is 1-1 1/2 hrs away kids may be cranky.
Lots more things to think about. AAAAAAHHHHHH So much to fig. out!

HUGS to all

Kerrie

Kerrie,
I don't plan to have my younger kids (ages 4 and 6) visit me b/c I don't want them to see me feeling bad. I will talk to them on the phone every day and night. But my 9-year-old daughter, I will allow if she wants to come. She's old enough, IMO.

Best of luck with your surgery!!

Kerrie
You are so brave, I hope that your better. I have a 13yr Dd that came the day following my surgery, our visit lasted about 10 min!! she seen my IV and that was enough!! poor sweetie started crying and shaking Dh had to take her home! . I never expected her to react the way she did and I am so sorry for putting her through it. I wish you the best, sending a your way.