TVH: Maybe I'm being selfish...

I might be thinking of only myself right now but I feel hurt because of my mom's reaction to my surgery.
I know she's going through her own personal things right now ( my parents seperated in September ) but I expected more support and compassion. When I told her about my surgery via text as she was at work she already knew it was probably going to happen we just didn't have a diagnosis yet; she didn't respond I didn't even talk to her again until about a week later when she sent me a negative text about my dad :-(
I ended up spending the morning with her yesterday anytime I brought up my procedure she was very disinterested then as I was about to drop her off at home she informed me she's going on a trip just before my surgery date and would get back the on June 5th which she said is the day of your surgery right?....wrong!
I guess I just wanted to vent but I feel like she should be here... Am I wrong??

Hi Samerea -

I am sorry you are having issues with your mother right now. Like you said, I am sure her separation from your dad is overwhelming her thoughts at this point.

No, you are not wrong to want to have your mother with you during surgery. It is understandable that you would want her by your side during this time. Maybe she can come over after you get home, if she cannot be there on that same day.

Is there any other family you have that can be with you in the hospital?

I know she has a lot on her mind too.
I will have my DH at the hospital and my mother in law will be around to help out with the kids and the house. Sometimes having your mom is nice though.

I too am sorry about your Mom's apathy towards your surgery. I hope she's able to rise out of her own sadness to be there for you. Thank goodness for your DH and Munlaw being there to help.
We can be each other's support system too!

I hear you, Samerea. For all of my life, my mother has been more interested in herself than she has been in me (especially since she and my father divorced). I guess I've gotten used to it. Anyway, my mother has lung cancer now, and I've been her main caregiver for the last year and a half. Unfortunately, she has done enough to me in the last couple of years, that even though I have shared with her that I'm having surgery, I don't want her to visit me in the hospital, or at my home when I'm recovering. A lot has to do with the fact that she has a boyfriend, and she wants me to act like he's family. I just don't want to deal with that when I'm recovering from major surgery. Anyway, I'm not sure how things will work out with her chemo, etc, and my surgery, but I haven't even gotten my date yet. Waiting....(impatiently) So, I will have to take all of that into account now. Anyway, enough about me. Be happy that you will have some family there for you, and allow your mother to be herself, I suppose. I hope you're not taking this like I'm slapping you in the face with it. I'm just saying that you can't change her, so maybe it's best to take everything into account. She is what she is. Am I making sense? I feel like we're in a little bit of a similar boat here. My mother has been completely absorbed in herself for several years now, really. I have told her three times now that I decided to have the hysterectomy, and just today, she asked me again, what I had decided to do. I probably sound angry or something, but that's not it. I'm not really angry at her anymore, I've just come to accept who she is in some way. Maybe it has a bit to do with the fact that I have been facing the fact that she is mortal, and won't be with us for as many years as I always thought she would. Oh my!! There I go, talking about myself again... You're not wrong to want your Mom there.