Looking for myself...

I really don't know how to describe this, but I figure if you have the same thing you'll understand.

I don't feel like "myself". I'm not sad per se - or happy - I just am. It's like "Don't mind me, I'm just floating thru".......

I'm not sure if its from surgery, hormones, depression, or what. Maybe it's like the letdown after Christmas....We spend so much time planning the surgery, then we planned our recouperation...now what.

See...that's the problem...I don't know "what" or "where" or even "how".

Lemme know if you can relate...and if it passes!!

THanks for listening...
calla

Calla,

I understand what you are feeling, but am unable to explain it myself. Yesterday I just wanted to left alone. My DH was trying to be so helpful and all I could do was cry. I wasn't in pain, I wasn't sad, I just kinda felt like It wasn't me in the whole picture?? I know that makes no sense but for some reason you might understand. I had my surgery on Wed. I went in knowing this is the best thing for me healthwise, I was never planning on having another child, but for some reason I felt like a huge part of ME is gone. Will I feel that same as I did before surgery, happy full of life? Or will I continue to feel like I made a mistake by doing something to my body even if it were for the best. I suffured from painful, heavy long periods which gave me severe anemia and left me no energy...
I guess I am just probably still feeling the emotional effects of it all and not to mention the pain meds probably don't help. I am so looking forward to having energy back in my life to do things and not feel totally exausted after just a day at work.

I was wondering just like you if I am the only one that feels kinda down in the dumps after surgery.
Not depressed, just in a sense of "WHAT NOW"

I hope for a speedy recovery for you

to both of you. As you can see my surgery was 4 1/2 months ago and I know very well what you are going through. I have talked to my doctor about it and he tells me it is my body adjusting to the changes both physically and chemically (hormones). He said that any women even if she did not have her ovaries removed will go trough the "I don't know what the problem is" mood for at least 6 - 8 months after the surgery as your body readjusts.
This is a big problem for me as I feel great. No pain, no scars, nothing, except for the fight of the extra weight that I put on but have not have the will power or enthusiasm to try to work off. People I work with have totally forgot that I had the surgery and unless I say something to someone they don't even realize I am "recovering".
DH and my kids are another story. I will be happy and joking one minute and the next I am biting their heads odd or crying for no reason at all. I have gotten extremely jealous of anyone DH talks to (and that was NEVER like me before). DH says he never knows what me he is coming home to, which makes me feel bad but I can't control it. I also seem to be noticing stress a lot more. I used to be one that thrived when I was put into a stressful situation. No one seemed to deal with it better than me, but now, I freak. Again doc says it is the hormones and my body will readjust juse be patient.
I am very fortunate as I ahve a very loving family that will give me space when I need it or give me the hugs when I need them. I know it is VERY hard on them, DD's are both in that "pre" stage and will be starting theit menses within 6 months, I just hope I am back to normal for DH 's sake.
I am beginning to see the light at the tunnel though. As I said I am 4 1/2 months post op and the mood swings or the "I don't feel 'right' moods" are coming fewer and farther between. We are at the once a week stage now. Again, stress is still getting to me, but the swings are letting up.
I promise you, it will get better, you just have to give you body time. You have put it into MAJOR shock whether the ovaries came out or you went on HRT or not. Before long you will be back to you and this will be a very vague memory.