No longer fell like a princess

I had a TAH/LSO last Monday and have been recovering quickly. I feel great except for getting tired.

My DH got mad at me last night because I was upset that he and the dog were able to put down both 13 month babies without me. I put our 3 year old to bed, and it felt really good. But the fact that I couldn't hold either baby it just broke my heart, because they wanted their mommy. And he was so proud that he and the dog calmed them down without me, and that just killed me. My mother-in-law just left yesterday so this was the first night with the kids by ourselves.

Anyway in the midst of my crying, he informed me that "Its not always about you". Ok, that really helped. Was I wrong to be so upset? He's always on my case that I do too much, so I don't think he realizes that I'm still not back to me yet emotionally because physically I feel so good. I know he's tired and stressed, but so am I, its hard to sit back and not do anything.

Anyone been here before? Any suggestions on how to talk to my DH about how stressful it is not to do anything? I've been making dinner and cleaning up after the kids, so I'm doing the other mom stuff, I think that’s why its so hard not to do the good stuff like just hold them and put them to bed.

Thanks for any help!

I'm sure he didn't mean it the way it came across. My guy will sometimes say something to me that hurts my feelings. I've gotten pretty good about letting him know how it made me feel and why. My little one are grown and on their own, but if it were me, I'd tell him "It's not about me. It's about the fact that I am their mother and bedtime is something I've always done for them. I feel fustrated that I feel more like myself, but I can't do everything that I'm use to doing for you and the children and I really miss it."

Maybe you feel that you are letting your babies down not doing everything? Don't, it's special time with dad and that good for them all. As moms, it's hard for us to let somebody else step in and even temporarily take over our role. It makes us feel displaced and useless, like we are letting those we love down. We aren't, we are getting better so that we can have full lives again with our families.

Heck, I feel fustrated about lots things right now, and I'm not even close to feeling normal physically yet. I just know that if I don't take it easy, it's going to be longer before I can do the things I want and have always done.

The fact is you need your dh to help you right now and at least for the next few weeks. If you get upset with your dh for being a successful helper, well, I think you will have a very difficult recovery. I know it is a terrible feeling to be "replaced" as the mom in the house, but be sure that when you are fully recovered, your jobs will all be waiting for you.

You are lucky you have a dh who is willing to help and wants you to take it easy. I agree with him that it sounds like you are doing too much too early. You should not be cleaning. Go to the checkpoints on this site. They explain how easy it is to cause internal damage that can lead to painful adheasions, even if you feel great. It is hard to sit back and not do anything but you will get used to it. Just think of how much worse it would be if you hurt yourself and your recovery took even longer. Let your dh take over and let him know you appreciate him for all he is doing.