How & when to tell my 10 years old daughter

I have a 10 year old daughter, so I know exactly the boat you're in.

I told her as soon as I had a surgery date. I sat down with her and explained it in as mature but simple a matter as possible. I had always been given the advice that, when talking about heavy stuff with kids, to never lie and answer only the question that is asked, never more, never less. If they want more information, they will ask.

We had already had "the talk" by this time so she knew what parts were which in a woman's body, which made things much easier. I explained simply that my uterus was having problems that could not be fixed with medicine. I had talked to my doctor and she and I agreed that the best option for me was to have my uterus removed. I told her what date it was scheduled for (2 days after her 10th birthday), and that I would be in the hospital for a day or two. I would also need her and her daddy's help after the surgery because I wouldn't be able to do much for a few weeks. I then asked if she had any questions.

She had a few, and I answered them as best I could. She took it very well and has been a HUGE help during recovery. I think she appreciates being in the loop on things and knowing what was happening made her feel more a part of the recovery than being left out.

Hope that helps!

I had two d&cs, one endometrial biopsy and one failed d&c within the past year. So my 10 year old son knew something was going on. Besides it took 8 years to have his sister so he knew mom's insides were not well and the pain every month and anemia everytime I bled. He knew the uterus or place babies grow in Mom was not working right. So he understood about my surgery. He and my 3 yr old came up after he got out of school. It was around 430. My Dad brought them and checked that I was in my room, pain under control, etc.

I have a 9 year old son. I talked to the school counselor about the timing of when I should tell him & what to say. She gave me some good ideas, because she's known my son since kindergarten & also because she's able to be objective about her advice.

My surgery was scheduled for 12/22, so I ended up telling my kids (also have a 14 yr old daughter) over the Thanksgiving holiday, which gave them about a month to ask questions etc.

Don't just assume you know what your kids are thinking. Ask them if they have questions, worries, concerns, etc... my son broke into tears the day after I told him... turns out he was worried that with all the "helping" he'd promised he'd do for the family, that he wouldn't have any time to just "relax & be a kid anymore"... He was fine after I made sure he knew that his "kid time" is also very important & that I wouldn't let him work too hard!

Oh, yes, definitely involve the school staff. I informed my kids' teachers and the counselors at their schools ahead of time, as a just in case. I am an elementary school teacher, and I know how things at home can have big time impacts on school performance. If you enlist the help of the school personnel ahead of time, they can be watching for potential problems and intercept them, making things much easier on everybody. even if all it means if giving the child an extra hug or two on the day of surgery or the days when mom is in the hospital, it makes a HUGE difference for the child.

Dear HysterSisters,

Thank you all who answered my question. It is great to know that I am not alone. YOu have all been insighfull to me.
My daughter is 10. But she is pretty developed and knows all about periods and women stuff.

I was diagnosed with Stage 1 cancer and that is why I am having the hysterectomy. I am not planning to tell her the reason.
Did anyone had a hysterctomy due to endomeitrial cancer?
I am emotinal, scared and trying to be positive. It feels awful to have to lie and cannot share it. My family is in Israel. I am a single mom.

if anyone had the condition, do you happen to have an idea about the difference about an abdominal hysterectomy versus Laparoscopic Hysterectomy. My doctor tells me that I don't have a choice. They want to check the lymph nodes so they have to do an abdominal hystercectomy.

Thank you all for sharing and supporting me.

God luck to all of you,
Luck18

Laproscopic means they make two or three tiny holes in your belly and use tools through those holes to perform the surgery, removing your uterus either by cutting it into small pieces and out through the holes or down through the vagina.

Abdominal means they cut an incision, either bikini (along the top of the pubic bone) or lateral (from belly button to public bone) and perform the surgery that way.

It is my understanding that cancerous organs are removed abdominally to avoid spreading cancer to other parts of the body and to allow for better visualization.

Yes, they like to do an open procedure for better visualisation, to check lymph nodes, and to do an abdominal wash to check for "loose" cells. Is your doc a gyn/onc (gynecological oncologist)? They are the experts, and we strongly suggest one where cancer is concerned.

If you haven't already, you may want to pop over to our cancer forum. There are lots of great ladies there as well who can offer information and support.


monami

Hi,
I am sorry you're facing surgery. I also had surgery for endometrial cancer and had the vertical incision as my doctor was not trained in daVinci and due to other medical conditions as they wanted a look at other internal organs,etc.
I believe the type of surgery done sometimes can depend upon the doctor and his knowledge and training. There is daVinci surgery which is done via several incisions vice the longer cut. There may be reasons why one is preferable over another depending upon the individual case.
May I also suggest you post in our CC forum
https://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/forumdisplay.php?f=6; there are many ladies there who have had surgery for endometrial cancer, some via abdominal incisions others by daVinci.

peggiesue

Hi new sister. I am sorry you are dealing with these issues and will pray as always for all the upcoming surgeries. I have always been very honest with my 12 yo dd and my 17 yo ds. I had uterine cancer, adenomyosis, endometriosis an enlarged uterus and PCOS. As I was talking to my mom about the surgery I thought my dd was in her room but when I said cancer, she freaked out.
She has been very aware of my female issues as I had been dealing with all of it for over 3 years. I did not expect her reaction.
I also did not expect my 70 yo mother's reaction.
I made the decision to tell them the cells were possibly cancer and we would not really know until after. My dr was instructed to not use the c word and he just told them everything went well and they got it all out. My dd is very in tune with me and needed to see me as soon as I was in my room. She was fine once she saw me and I put on a happy face during her visit so as to help keep her calm.
Just tell your dd the drs will make all the hurt you have go away but that it might take a little time for you to get back to normal.
Also when I came home and for a little over a month after, my dd insisted on sleeping in mom's bed in case I needed anything. She was a big help. Take care and let us know how it goes. Carole

Lucky -

I did have early stage endometrial cancer and had my surgery via the daVinci procedure.

My original gyn was going to do an open (what he was familiar with since he did c-sections) and have an oncologist on hand to do all the cancer related tests.

After I found my gyn-onc he indicated that some oncologists want to feel the lymph nodes but since he was versed in both open and laproscopic procedures he had no issues with doing things laproscopically. I know he removed a few nodes but don't know if that would have been any different if he had done an open procedure or not.

I also knew (as with all non-abdominal procedures) that depending on what he found out he could convert it into an open procedure.

As noted if you aren't having the surgery done by a gyn-onc I would highly recommend it.

Also if you there is a daVinci chat tomorrow night 2/4/2010. If you look on the right of the screen you will see information on time and such.

If you haven't gotten a 2nd opinion it's a good thing to do because different surgeons are comfortable with different procedures.



G.