Another freaked-out sister

I have surgery on Monday and I'm terrified. I wholeheartedly believe I'm making the right choice but I can't stop the panic attacks that come every time I think about surgery and recovery. I already take Klonopin, which controlled my panic attacks before this, but these panic attacks are leaving me a little unhinged.

Plus I'm hurting. Everything's all squashed up and trying to get out and frankly, it hurts.

I don't have anyone to talk to about the hysterectomy; I'm embarrassed about it and the few people (my mother, for example) I've been brave enough to approach have brushed me off. They want to know when I'll be in the hospital-- that's an acceptable topic, I guess-- but beyond that we don't discuss it and I just want to CRY.

Also, this HURTS. Really. Like labor pain hurts, and sometimes hurts higher in my abdomen with stabby pain and I don't know why. Sometimes my back hurts so much I think I've messed it up again.

I'm not the kind of person who shows it when she's freaking out, I'm the kind that clams up, but honestly this is too big for me and I can't do it without anyone to talk to. I'm 35, I have a daughter who's almost 17, and while it's okay to let her know that I'm a little nervous about surgery, I feel like I should set an example that does not include hyperventilating. I was hoping that if I talked to you guys about it, maybe I wouldn't feel so trapped.

hi book just remember to breath i know that keeping it all in is not a good thing.....can u talk to a health care worker a chaplin....i talk to my hubby and 1 very close friend i bawl in front of my hubby coworkers my sons know they are 22 20 17 but i wont break down in front of them....if u need to we r here to listen take care barb

I talked to everyone and anyone who would listen. Kinda crazy I know but it bothered me so much I couldn't help it. You know what I found out? There are tons of women who had this surgery that I didn't even know. Each one I talked to had a little more to share. The women on this site will help you too as they have me and a million others. Keep chattin, we're here for you.

Thanks, ladies. Am I the only person embarrassed to tell people what's going on? My boyfriend doesn't even know why I'm having a hysterectomy. He's asked, but I can't bring myself to tell him, "Because my organs are trying to escape via my vagina. Romantic, non?" I'm afraid he'll never get sexy with me again.

In my family we don't talk about vaginas and uteruses and things like that, or rather, we do-- but I'm the one people talk to about that sort of thing. You know, the one that doesn't freak out on you and gives you a hug and hot chocolate and sensible advice. This forum seems full of hug-giving, cocoa-pushing, sensible advice givers and it heartens me to hear from you and read your stories. Thank you. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

I know that after the fact I'm going to be like, "I freaked out over that?" but at the moment it's a quiet voice hidden beneath wildly thrashing animal panic.

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Originally Posted by Bookwench I have surgery on Monday and I'm terrified. I wholeheartedly believe I'm making the right choice but I can't stop the panic attacks that come every time I think about surgery and recovery. I already take Klonopin, which controlled my panic attacks before this, but these panic attacks are leaving me a little unhinged. Plus I'm hurting. Everything's all squashed up and trying to get out and frankly, it hurts. I don't have anyone to talk to about the hysterectomy; I'm embarrassed about it and the few people (my mother, for example) I've been brave enough to approach have brushed me off. They want to know when I'll be in the hospital-- that's an acceptable topic, I guess-- but beyond that we don't discuss it and I just want to CRY. Also, this HURTS. Really. Like labor pain hurts, and sometimes hurts higher in my abdomen with stabby pain and I don't know why. Sometimes my back hurts so much I think I've messed it up again. I'm not the kind of person who shows it when she's freaking out, I'm the kind that clams up, but honestly this is too big for me and I can't do it without anyone to talk to. I'm 35, I have a daughter who's almost 17, and while it's okay to let her know that I'm a little nervous about surgery, I feel like I should set an example that does not include hyperventilating. I was hoping that if I talked to you guys about it, maybe I wouldn't feel so trapped.

My surgery is 7/11 also and I'm nervous. I have cantelope size mass on right ovary and doctor already said everything comes out. I'm 64 and losing it all is no big deal for me. My husband is a good listener and I hate to complain to him, but he listens. I look 7 months pregnant and for 5 months I thought I was just getting fat. I had 5 UTI's in 5 months until 1 doctor said he felt a lump. This web site is great for support. You will be fine and just know there are alot of us out there like you. Calm down and once this is over you will feel better.

Tell him how you feel and why you're having it. He will understand better than you think and tell him you need his help to go thru it. Be honest. Most men are better than we think, it's just hard to give them the benfit of the doubt.

@bookwench I know you are panicked because of all the uncertainty. My surgery was 15 days ago and it was a race--would my surgery happen first or would something actually fall out?! Luckily, surgery happened first. The recovery is manageable and the relief for my back and legs has been awesome!

Sounds like you have made the right decision for your situation. I will be thinking of you on Monday

This is exactly the place you need! There are so many wonderful people here who understand what we're going through and can be a great resource and support!

We each handle things differently. Only you know whether or not it will help to talk about things with friends or family. Sometimes they can be a great support system and sometimes the reactions can be disappointing.

I felt weird about sharing all of this with my husband because he has a VERY weak stomach!!! I thought he would get sick if I told him. But, after my last procedure the doc told him everything while I was still under (I had put my hubby's name down so the doc could give him results) so I didn't have to explain anything.

Good luck and please vent any time!

Bookwench - it's going to be okay. Talk to your boyfriend - he should know what's going on. Give him the chance to help you. I'm 8 days post op DVH (full) and have had a wonderful supportive and quesy hubby. I figured the only way for him to have a clue was if I gave it to him. Good luck! Breathe!

@AK2.0: "I know you are panicked because of all the uncertainty. My surgery was 15 days ago and it was a race--would my surgery happen first or would something actually fall out?!"

EXACTLY! I went from stage 2 prolapse to stage 3 in two weeks. It's like volcanoes, earthquakes and landslides up in here. I hold my stuff in when I poop... just in case!

You guys really are like sisters. You're all so sweet and compassionate, and remember, "compassion" literally means "suffering with." You're not putting yourselves in my shoes, you've either been here or you are here and it means a lot to have your support.

Regarding the boyfriend: We've been friends for a long time but have not been intimate for very long. He's a great guy and you're probably right in advising me to tell him-- I think he could take it-- but honestly I'm so weirded out by the whole thing that there's no way I could present it matter-of-factly and without crying.

It's only been about 5 weeks, maybe 6, since I had that first awful moment of knowing Something was Very Wrong. I'd had a pelvic exam done two weeks prior and nothing was going on then. I don't have any of the risk factors and I haven't had much time to get used to this so I'm trying really hard not to lose my cool. Really, though, the frequent feeling of crowning baby is hard to grin and bear.

Having you around to hold my hand and tell me it'll be okay, it'll all work out... well, I need that. Thank you.