TVH: Upcoming hysterectomy 4/4: Feeling reluctant

Hello this is my first time in a forum my aunt suggested it to me. She thought it would ease any worry or emotional pain I am in. Well I'm 38 married 18 years with 2 grown boys and feeling very overwhelmed about going through this.I have had quite a few surgeries previously since I was 17 years of age.None of them have affected me as much as this one is.I know this is a much needed procedure for me but I can't seem to get past it. My doctor has told me to think of all of the positive outcomes that there will be.For instance I will no longer be on my period for a month at a time with only a few days between just to start over again.I have already had 7 fibroids removed for them to grow back in just a short amount if time. So why am I having such a hard time. Will I be regretful after? I'm not scared of the surgery. I'm scared of how i will react towards my husband and if I can get pass this emotional emptiness. I have been pushing through my feelings for a while now. Telling myself that I will be ok. Any feed back would be greatly appreciated. I'm really not trying to be whoe's me. Plz help my surgery is in 4 days

Hi there, I understand how you feel. I am 45 yo with 2 teenage children and I am having a TAH with bowel surgery in 21 April. I am extremely nervous even though I know I need to do it. It is fear of the Unknown. It's all I can think about and I am tired of thinking about it!! I find this site really helpful although I think I may have over researched everything to the point of scaring myself silly!! I don't know what to say except I understand and am going through lots of the same feelings. Sending happy thoughts and hugs xx

Roselynn & Andyv--
Your fears are absolutely normal This is a major surgery that is going to change your life. Your doctor is right in that you obviously don't have to worry about periods any more, but there is so much more.

I was quite the opposite; I was excited. Here is not only what I had to look forward to, but I am starting to experience now at only 6 weeks after my surgery:

-No more referrals to other gyns or other specialists
-No more gyn testing to figure out if things have grown or shrank
-No more "let's try this drug...."
-No more waking multiple times throughout the night in pain
-No more pulling over to the side of the road because of pain
-No more calling in sick or going home early because of pain
-No more missing special occasions because of pain
-No more planning trips/vacations around my cycle
-No more flooding of pads during my cycle...I can even wear white
-No more trips to the ER for this
-Likely no more painful sex (haven't gone there yet...not released to do the deed yet)

I understand your emotional emptiness as you put it, but it sounds like you have a loving family. This part of our body, for many, is about our femininity as well, and perhaps that is your concern. I can tell you I feel like more of a woman now than I have for years. Why? Because of all of those things I listed above. They restricted my life and my love and enjoyment with my family and friends. I am very much looking forward to living life with out those roadblocks anymore.

I have no regrets of my decision...I actually have a life back that I have missed for years. It brings me to tears as I type this, because this was the first Easter I could spend the whole day with my family. I have missed so many celebrations over the years altogether, or had to retreat to a guest room in pain. It was as hard on my loved ones emotionally to witness my suffering as it was for me physically.

You will probably find that you are even closer to your husband after this because your discomfort over the years likely hasn't been easy for him to witness. Let him be there for you as you head into this surgery, and let your boys be there too if they are still at home or near by. Your DH likely wants to be there for you and may actually be anticipating the new you of not having to deal with your fibroids and/or pain anymore. This is not just an opportunity for you to physically heal, but also an opportunity for you to emotionally heal from what you have been through that is driving you to the decision of a hysterectomy.

I wish both of you well!

I am having surgery on Monday too. And just like you, I am a wreck. It isn't the surgery that makes me afraid. I feel there is a team of competent medical staff handling my surgery. I am just not sure how I am going to handle this emotionally. Or how it will affect me physically. I am only 31. I do have 3 kids, so I should feel blessed with that. But I am still overwhelmed with sadness over the whole thing. I hope we come out the other side and wonder why we were ever even concerned. Best of luck!

Everything your are feeling is very normal. Having a hysterectomy is such an overwhelming experience, and it is difficult to face. There are so many unknowns with what will happen after. It is hard to say goodbye to your uterus, something that has made its presence known to you (for better or worse) for decades. And now it is being taken from your. That is never easy.

This is MAJOR surgery, and it needs to be considered carefully. You have to weigh the pros and cons of this surgery with your current medical and life situation. Most women do go through this surgery and recover from it without complications. Here are some articles thaty may help provide information:
Hysterectomy Side Effects
4 Reasons to Have a Hysterectomy
10 Concerns about Intimacy after Hysterectomy

Make the right decision for you regarding this surgery. Just know that you are not alone in any of this. We understand how you feel, and what you are going through.

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Originally Posted by Andyv Hi there, I understand how you feel. I am 45 yo with 2 teenage children and I am having a TAH with bowel surgery in 21 April. I am extremely nervous even though I know I need to do it. It is fear of the Unknown. It's all I can think about and I am tired of thinking about it!! I find this site really helpful although I think I may have over researched everything to the point of scaring myself silly!! I don't know what to say except I understand and am going through lots of the same feelings. Sending happy thoughts and hugs xx

Hello thank you for your response it was very comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way.I appreciate the well wishes and happy thoughts.I know in my heart this is what's best for me. I'm tired of being uncomfortable all the time. I didn't realize it but I guess I was always saying that I never felt well at work and someone pointed it out to me that I never feel well.its true I never do feel good.I'm either having some kind of pain in my stomach or bloating it's always something it was starting to make me feel like a hypochondriac. The pain and struggle is real. I'm glad I found this site and I think you and everyone else is going to be a great help. I wish the best for you as well. We can support each other though this rough patch.we will be better and stronger when are done.

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Originally Posted by Roselynn Hello thank you for your response it was very comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way.I appreciate the well wishes and happy thoughts.I know in my heart this is what's best for me. I'm tired of being uncomfortable all the time. I didn't realize it but I guess I was always saying that I never felt well at work and someone pointed it out to me that I never feel well.its true I never do feel good.I'm either having some kind of pain in my stomach or bloating it's always something it was starting to make me feel like a hypochondriac. The pain and struggle is real. I'm glad I found this site and I think you and everyone else is going to be a great help. I wish the best for you as well. We can support each other though this rough patch.we will be better and stronger when are done.

Thank you! It's strange how the mind works - even when you feel it is the right thing to do, you suddenly think that maybe it hasn't been as bad as you thought it was, like when you hate your hair but the morning before you are due to get it all cut, you actually believe it looks really good!!! I wish you all the best with your surgery and recovery and look forward to hearing all about it when you are able. Xx

It's really a scary thing to go through when there are so many unknowns.

Emotionally, I kind of got all that out before surgery....LOTS of crying, talking to my husband and my surgeon getting validation that I was making the right decision.....I needed to hear that over and over.

Post-op, I was focused on healing and trying to force myself to take it easy. I never had a moment of regret or sadness over losing my uterus. I'm quite emotional and sentimental as it is, but my head took control over my heart in this case, so that was good - but I wasn't sure I would feel that way. Pre-op, I had to tell myself more than once, this is just a body part....it does not define me as a woman.

One thing: I was absolutely terrified to have sex post-op. I'm thankful my husband was super understanding and extra gentle.... That first time didn't really count, it was more of a hurdle we had to get over. He assured me, too, that everything felt the same.

I always say - If I could do it, you can too. You are both almost there! You will be so glad to have this surgery behind you. It's been a year for me, and I have never felt better!

You will probably find that you are even closer to your husband after this because your discomfort over the years likely hasn't been easy for him to witness. Let him be there for you as you head into this surgery, and let your boys be there too if they are still at home or near by. Your DH likely wants to be there for you and may actually be anticipating the new you of not having to deal with your fibroids and/or pain anymore. This is not just an opportunity for you to physically heal, but also an opportunity for you to emotionally heal from what you have been through that is driving you to the decision of a hysterectomy.


Loved this response, and the end of your post brought tears to my eyes! Being able to just be ME with DH and not have to worry about floods, clots, spots, and all the mess...thank you for reminding me of why I am deciding to do this and that the fear is normal, but everything up to this point hasn't been. Life changing on Monday 4/4!!

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Originally Posted by blubookworm2005 ...Loved this response, and the end of your post brought tears to my eyes! Being able to just be ME with DH and not have to worry about floods, clots, spots, and all the mess...thank you for reminding me of why I am deciding to do this and that the fear is normal, but everything up to this point hasn't been. Life changing on Monday 4/4!!

Best wishes for an easy recovery after your surgery this Monday. Don't hesitate to ask people to help you...even for the simple things. Often times it is difficult for us to allow others to help because we are so used to being the helpers ourselves. I credit the ease of my physical recovery to following my doctor's restrictions and the additional advice from hystersisters. For emotional support & healing, I suggest your recovery thread. I found the hostesses and sisters that had surgery the same week as I to be invaluable (and they still are...I'm heading back to work on Monday after 6 weeks so it will be nice to compare stories with my recovery thread sisters). With the recovery thread you never feel alone and always feel comfortable to ask any question about what you are feeling or experiencing during your recovery.

Very shortly this anticipation will all be behind you and you will be on the other side welcoming the new you! Embrace the new life without all of this you will soon have. Godspeed on your recovery