No female support! Need advice! Help!(child ment)

Good Afternoon,
I wondered what some of you ladies did to feel "nurtured" if you didn't have any/much female/mother support while getting ready/during/after surgery?

My Mom became ill when I managed to get preg after MANY fertility treatments She was not able to stay with me after the birth as we always planned. (We were/are best friends)

Now, I am facing another big, emotional decision and I am feeling a bit sad and missing that she will not be there the way I know she would if she didn't have Dementia/Parkinson's. She was diagnosed very young and just turned 64. I miss her soooo much and spent the first year of her being in a Dementia/Alz facility crying A LOT! Last March was 2 yrs and although I don't cry as much, I still want to have that connection and assurance ya know? It's difficult for me because she is still here (and I am grateful for that) but I am not able to really understand her and her memory is about 1 min if that. We as a family do not tell her anything negative as she is going through enough.

I am usually strong, but as my surgery date gets closer, I am starting to feel more scared and nervous.

I once was close to my mil, but that is not the case now. I can only say that my husbands family does not understand nor believe in any of my medical issues. I don't think any one of us WANTED to have prior surgeries for endo, cysts ect. Unfortunately, they took the low road and wrote horrific emails with such vicious words that I can no longer feel that "bond" with her or anyone else. Because DH and I have a toddler son, I have decided for HIM, I interact with them and will not teach him or pass on negative feelings because it is not his fault. At the same time, I don't want him learning to behave/act the way they do. So, it's a fine line I walk. I also do not have any close girlfriends locally as i am not originally from here and some of my Mom's friends who I loved went away because they couldn't deal with her illness.

But back to my question... What are you doing if you can relate to my story? My DH is awesome and will be there for me (my surgery is on our 6th wedding anniversary!!!! How strange is that?!? I didn't pick the date!) So he will stay the night with me. I just hope I don't wake up an emotional wreck! My has reassured me she will put a hormonal patch on me and provide really good medication to keep me comfortable. I had one ovary removed in 2003 and I went into instant medical menopause with NO warning from the and thought I was going crazy for a few weeks until the other ovary picked up the slack.

It has taken me 2 yrs to finally "accept" I must have a hyst, so I think I am really ready, but of course af hasn't arrived since 5/5/10 and with my luck..I will start the AM of the day before bowel prep. I mean...my life is NEVER boring and humor saves me!

Many HUGS to my HysterSisters!
Christine


Thanks for listenin and I would welcome any advice.

Hi RedAngel2010,
I have found that coming to the HysterSisters website has provided me with the needed support of sharing and hearing what others have gone through. My mother offered to come help but I found when I had my kids that it was easier when she wasn't around I am not close to my in-laws and I don't think my husband even told them about my surgery.

My kids are a little older and have been very self sufficient this last week, thank goodness. The oldest can drive so she gets the other two to their practices/games etc. during the day while my husband is at work. Will you have someone to help with your toddler?

I have not really needed much for myself, just a bed to sleep in, some books to read and the computer for entertainment. If my kids weren't here to bring me food I think I would have put a mini fridge and microwave in my bedroom so I could get food without going up and down stairs. Luckily they've been responsive to my pleas to bring me more juice or soup or yogurt or whatever so I didn't need to do that.

Aunt Flo came to visit me on Friday before my Monday hysterectomy. Luckily the doctor had told me ahead of time that wouldn't matter. I did have to do an enema for bowel prep on Sunday and thank goodness my flow was pretty light at the time... it still wasn't pretty.

I have known for three years I needed to have this surgery. I had it scheduled for last year and then we were transferred so I put it off another year. Even knowing I needed to have the surgery I had last minute thoughts of putting it off. I just tried to keep busy and read as much as I could to be prepared and did some deep breathing.

Sending you warm thoughts and hugs.

Sweet Christine,
I'm so sorry about your conflict! I can -kind-of- understand your feeling of having a mother alive but not "there". Mine is a different story but similar result.
All I can say is to suggest the risk of opening yourself up to other ladies you know - while some of them surprise us with their unkindness - others can surprise you even more with their nurturing support - it is what we ladies do best, isn't it? (Well most of us, anyway!) Some of my closest friends are ladies who I got to know through some really tough times.
Also, may I suggest you keep a journal? It can be an ongoing letter to your mom. This will of course never replace the real thing and the loving responses she would have been sure to give if able, but at least this could turn into a safe place where you can tell her everything you feel like you have to keep to yourself because of her current condition. While you can share it if you like, the written word will never judge you, criticize you, or question you and so you are as free as you want to be.
Big, Strong, Tender Hugs to you!!!

I think CeceBoo is right, a Journal is a great idea! It is a very scarry situation to be in, surgery is never a walk in the park. I know with mine, I never knew what was going to happen next, but thats another story. Think of the benefits you will get from it and how happy you will be with your child/children. Start planning a vacation, anything from taking the family to the park for a subway lunch or go on a stroll through a batanical garden. -Horseback riding may not be such a good idea for a while Keep a mental list of things you want to do after the sergery, that way you have something more to look forward to other then the recovery. We will keep you in our prayers, best of luck with your surgery and God Bless!!