A day of "lasts" (for a while)

Counting down until the day after tomorrow; my whole life now centred on surgery, today was a day that I took to really enjoy "lasts" (until I return from the castle)...
...last bagel for breakfast (clear fluids starting tomorrow a.m.)
...last walk to the store (wound up buying 'maternity' underwear for post-op, ironically enough)
...last glass of white wine
...last afternoon gardening (so terrace is beautiful for recovery)
...last evening out at a nightclub listening to a friend's band play
...last dinner out at a fancy restaurant patio with DH
It somehow makes me feel better to formally recognize and acknowledge my 'trip to the castle' thus; I know my life will continue and I will enjoy these things again, but these little rituals help to calm me down and make me appreciate the moment.

Thought that advice might help others as 'the day' approaches; it's certainly put me in a better frame of mind. (Note that 'last housework' is NOT in there!)

Joanne in Toronto

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subtotal AH July 15, keeping right ovary; for grapefruit-size fibroid, endometriosis, ovarian cysts, adhesions, bleeding leading to severe anemia

Tomorrow, my "lasts" will be:
--Cleaning out the litterbox. DH is NOT looking forward to tending to this end of the cat. He normally tends to the front end, meaning feeding.
--Last bill paying till August. Something DH has already informed me that his not willing to take over. I'm glad. I don't know how we're going to manuver this task. We'll just have to work on this one.
--Last laundry. Started today, but need to finish and catch anything before Sunday night.
--Last dishwashing. When I come home, DH has already informed me that we'll be doing paperplates till I can get back into doing them myself. Remember, he's the cook. I understand how he would feel this way.

The way my "last" list is looking. I better think of rescheduling this castle entry for later in the week or next. I still have too many things to do beforehand.


But, I'm already packed and ready to go!

At this point, I really don't feel like going out - Don't want to catch anything from anyone.

Pinkie

I loved your "last" lists. But now it is time to think of your "first" lists! I don't know your individual circumstances, but if you have had problems that led to your decisions to have hysts, just think of all the "firsts" now! First months without pain, first holidays without periods etc. I'm sure you can come up with lots more!

Good luck ladies. We will be waiting to hear your stories.

Lynn4,

Your absolutely right! I have forgotten. Truthfully, I haven’t been looking forward to Monday, next week, or the next 6 weeks for that matter. That's been primarily where my focus has been at.

OK, let me see. Let’s ponder what “firsts” will be:
*No more fear of DES on cervix turning into cancer.
*First time DH and I will make love and I don’t have run straight to the bathroom from all the bleeding from my “friable” cervix (due to DES Exposure) to grab those pantiliners. The bleeding would have lasted 3-4 days.
*YES! First time DH and I can make love 2 –3 times a week if WE want to. No more once a month sex or less than that like it has been for the last 14 years!!!! I get to act like an adolescent teenager! Whooohoooo! That’s enough to excite me right now!!! Libido - Get your engines charged!!! Of course, after GYN gives the green light (pun intended). I could never imagine what this has done to DH all these years.
*Yes, no more 1 ½ week periods and a few bleedings in between for whatever reason.

Is it Monday, July 15 at 5:30, or 7:30AM surgery time yet???

Thank you Lynn4 for making me remember why I decided to go through all this in the first place!!! OK, I’m feeling weepy now.:cry: These are truly the four reasons what brought me to end of my rope. Thank you for helping me remember!!!

Pinkie

Pinkie,

Regarding bill paying --- I was in the same boat!

I paid as many bills as I could ahead of time and after 2 weeks was able to handle it (I was only on pain pills for 1 week at home)...

Keep that in mind (don't be payin' bills if you're high!).

s

My big "last" was my last big Mexican food dinner at my favorite cheap, greasy, generous, hole-in-the-wall taco shop. Mmmmm. It was several weeks before I felt up to confronting that kind of food again.

Some suggestions for firsts to look forward to, based on my experience:
- First vacation where you don't have to pack "supplies".
- First white sheets.
- First time owning *all* un-stained underwear.
- First cool shower on a hot day last summer when I realized the familiar cramping was gone when the cold water hit me (I think it caused cervical spasms).
- First time you realize that you've stopped habitually checking for blood every time you visit the bathroom (that one took months).
- First time you are *sure* you had cleaned out all your "supplies" months ago, and you find a whole new stash tucked away.
- First time you are both in the mood, and the thought of pain and bleeding doesn't even occur to you (also months down the road).
- First time in 23 years I didn't have to take a pill (BCP, NSAIDs, iron) every day. Whole months go by that I don't take *anything*. This must be what's it's like to be normal and healthy.

Good reminders to think of the long term, so I will also focus on some 'lasts' that are more lasting, like:
- I've had my last night of dreading to go to bed because the pain killer will wear off in 4 hours and I'll awake in the middle of the night in pain, then have to rock and moan quietly on the couch for an hour and a half waiting for the next pain killer to take effect, since I couldn't catch the cramps before they started because I was ASLEEP then
- Last moment of dread while in a washroom in a public place and realizing I've run out of tampons in my purse
- the last of the bulge in my tummy that I've had since my 20's, even when I had lost weight and was at my goal - and didn't know it was a *&#%$ fibroid tumor that was doing it!
- the last of being the 'drug lady' that everyone knew to come to because I always had the best & widest selection of pain killers, prescription and OTC, in my purse

BUT I must say that I really did enjoy and savour my 'last' grande coffee frappucino for a few days - one of the 'first' things I hope to be able to welcome my recovery with!

-surprisingly relaxed all things considered,

Joanne in T.O.