Fear of dying.......

Hello sisters out there in Hysterland, my heart goes out to each and every one of you, Pre and post op. I have been waiting until I feel better to share my story with you. I am at 9 weeks post-op today. I had a TAH and my ovaries had to go too. My mother died of heart failure at 37 years old in 1973, about 1 year after her Hysterectomy. During her operation she almost died from complications (internal bleeding) and my dad told me that she was hospitalized for 10 days after that. I was 37 (This past July) when my doctor scheduled my hysterectomy and thankfully, I out-lived my mom September 4th, my 38th birthday...just weeks away from my operation. My big brother told me recently too that not only was my mother putting up wallpaper when she died, but she was putting it up on the ceiling . I am petrified and feeling so much anxiety over this it isn't funny. I refuse to go back to work until I get a clean bill of health. My mother, was a very active woman (as I am) and I'm so scared that the same thing will happen to me. My message to you girls is just to PLEASE be careful to not over do it. Life is too beautiful & precious to be worried about cleaning & taking care of others so soon after this invasive and major surgery. Today I am starting to go for counceling....I need all the help I can get. Thank you girls for being here for me, I cannot tell you how much this websight and fellowship has helped me, thank you to all of you for sharing your pain & experiences here as it is a great comfort to me that I am not alone. a big fat to each of you and God please bless all my Hystersisters, especially the ones in pain, physical & emotional and those of you who are just recovering from the big operation....amen...with love, your sister in recovery Christine aka Sweetleaf

Dear Sweetleaf,
Just wanted to send you a and thank you for your post. You are going through so much emotionally and physically. It was so good of you to remind us that healing takes time. Part of the time I think I should be doing more by now and you had a great reminder that it's ok to let things go. Thanks and best wishes. You are in my thoughts and ers.

s to all and remember to take time to heal!

Hi Sweetleaf,
Thank you for sharing your heart and your story with us. My heart goes out to you for the fear this family history has caused you during this time that is difficult for most of us anyway.
I'm so sorry this happened to your mother. It sounds like you are working through your own fears and will come through this experience a stronger person. I'm glad to hear you're planning to see a counselor. We're glad to be able to help in anyway, but it sounds like you are taking positive steps to help yourself and that is good. I will pray for you that you'll find complete healing from the past memories and fears related to your mother's death. I know she would want you live life fully and unafraid.

's, Rita

Ah sweetleaf so sorry you lost your mother at such a young age. I hope that you will be able to get past your anxities and make a complete recovery. My prayers and hugs go out to you. Good luck with your recovery.

Dear Christine,
Your post is soooo bittersweet - the fact that you would turn your experience into care and concern about your hyster-sisters & also show strength & survival of character by facing your mother's passing and seeking help to do so. Thank you for reminding us all to take it easy while healing.
I am so sorry for your pain & wish you peace and love - I agree with preciouspearl, I to think your vivacious mother would have wanted you to live fully & unafraid.
Take care & God speed,
kiminee

Girls!!!! Thank you soooooooo very much for your prayers, feedback & support. You've all touched my heart and made me cry. I see that you've all had health problems too with your reproductive systems...poor girls...I really feel for you all ..next to quitting drinking this is the most difficult thing I've had to adjust too. I don't know about you girls but I feel like ten pounds of you know what in a 5 pound bag. My bones & joints ache soooo much at night I can't sit still and after 4 major surgeries down there to try to fix me so I can have kids (That's another thing I have to come to terms with) this is the longest recovery yet. After 9 weeks most of you have gone back to work and are even having sex....I am no where near ready to be doing either.....I'm still so limited, emotionally & physically that I feel like theres something else wrong with me. My new GP (a woman Thank God) told me that I am probably going to have to learn to live with a lot of pain...I try to stay positive but the alkie in me is still very much alive and I can get really negative sometimes..Prayer certainly helps and so does psychotherapy...I highly reccommend it...I have to remind myself too that it's hormonal too. I know my mom wants me to be happy which is why I choose to see someone that can help me face my fears. I had such a hard time dealing with not so nice people out there in the real world, before the operation that I had to leave my job after 6 years and now that I'm on HRT's, desperately need estrogen and am even more unstable emotionally I am petrified to go back to work.
On my very bad days now I can get so ugly it scares me. I am impatient, intollerant, clumbsy and very angry....can anyone else relate? when I get like this, I've learned, I am ready for a hormone shot. ok well I want to thank you all again for listening to mine and my mothers story Thank you for your emotional support and for the unconditional love...hope to see you all again, here and I wish you all complete and full recoveries from your hysterecomies...& lots of love in your lives & hearts...Christine