Two Weeks From Today

O.K. my TAH/BSO is two weeks from today. I have had my date since 5-3. I made my decision at the doctor's office, then went home and told my DH. This is because we have discussed this many times and he (I thought) was supportive of my decision. And on the surface he still is. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has no clue what is going to happen after the Big Day. My parents already had a vacation planned (unknown to me, they are getting older and they think they tell me things but in reality do not), so they will not be in town. I encouraged them to go on their trip, that DH and 16 yr old son could take care of me. But everytime I try to talk and make plans, DH changes the subject. Last night some friends were over and the lady had a C-section about 6 months ago. She was talking about her issues (couldn't get out of bed alone, no energy, can't drive,etc.) and DH says, "Well, I am sure this will be nothing like having a baby." Then abruptly chaanges the subject. DH works night shift, 7p.m.-7a.m. on a swing shift, and he will be returning to work on the Friday after my surgery. But he absolutely will not talk about the issues that may arise. I am sorry for the vent, but I am really getting nervous now. Maybe when he actually sees what happens he will change, but I am not counting on it!!

Hiya Kayjay

Welcome to the most wonderful place on the Net

Something I've noticed more and more, is that our men are usually very frightened for us, and usually in the dark about the procedure itself, and what to expect afterwards. There seems to be no resource available for the partners of HysterSisters - this is something we need!

All I can really say, is try and get your DH to read up on hysterectomy, the effects, and what to expect. Maybe pick up a book or two.

Like you, he's probably anxious and more than a little nervous about what to expect afterwards - the more information he has, the more likely he is to cope well.

Keep smiling, and keep reminding him that you're still going to be the same wonderful partner you were before..just minus a lot of pain and discomfort (after the initial recovery, that is!).

KayJay,

I'm so sorry that your DH doesn't want to talk about your surgery right now. It may be that he is scared, doesn't know what to expect, and doesn't know how to talk about it with you.

Have you read the pre-op and post-op hints from the drop-down menus on the main page? Maybe you could print some of those out and leave them where he could see them and read them.

Pre-Op Hysterectomy Articles

Hysterectomy Recovery Articles

Your husband may not have thought about the fact that in a hyst, organs are being removed, and other organs are being re-stitched, whereas in a C-section a baby is being removed but no organs.

I had to laugh a little when you said your parents were sure that they had told you about their vacation plans -sounds like my mom
She's 81 and very forgetful.

's

Karen

YOU WILL NEED HELP! and that fact won't go away just because your DH isn't ready to face it. My date is two days after yours, so I'm not speaking from my own experience but from what I know from our sisters here and from my doctor.

I'm 53 and live alone. I've arranged for my daughter to be with me for the first few days. The rest of the time I'll have girlfriends taking turns to help me. I put a phone at my bedside, and I'm already putting the house in order and meals in the freezer.

Sometimes it's too much to expect that your partner will understand and be ready to meet your needs. You can't afford to depend on someone who isn't dependable. It might be wise to take the pressure off him and arrange for others to be part of your helping team.

If your DH needs an education about the realities of post-op, show him some of the messages on this site. There is a really helpful list of hints here (especially "How to Care for a Punctured Princess"). When he understands that you are facing Major Surgery, requiring Major Recovery, he may welcome your helping friends and find ways to be more helpful himself. This is the kind of crisis that can do wonders to deepen your relationship, and communication is the key. You deserve to be heard!

Blessings,