Overwhelmed

My apologies, but I didn't know where else to go with this and it may not be relevant but I needed to share somewhere.

My hysterectomy is scheduled for September 19. It's for adenomyosis and planned to an abdominal hysterectomy. I was already having bad dreams and trouble sleeping due to fears about surgery.

Two weeks ago, my mom's husband had a brain bleed and had surgery. He was recovering. In the past two days, all went to hell and he's having grand mal seizures and can't feel his limbs. Come to find out he has massive clots in his brain and bleeding. He is not going to live, there is nothing that can be done. My mom lives three hours a way and needs support, emotionally she is overwhelmed. Her first husband (my dad) also died.

The question is will he die tonight? Tomorrow? A week from now? On September 19? A month from now? Later this year? We just don't know.

My husband said to me "don't you dare reschedule this surgery." We have set up so much stuff, after care for me, days off for him, prepping the house, etc etc, it seems so crazy to postpone it. He is also worried about me after watching me suffer through a horrific period last week.

And I feel totally selfish even thinking of myself right now. But I can't help but wonder if I should postpone the surgery. It is elective after all, it can wait. The problem being we are adopting a child later this year and timeline wise things will be immensely harder later. (My husband's back up at work is having a baby at the end of the month so even pushing it back a month would be a lot harder for me to get help as we have a 2 year old daughter.)

My preop appt is next Wednesday. I am hoping to know more by then. A lot could happen between now and then. For now, I am keeping it scheduled and trying to support my mom right now.

I have been unbelievably anxious. This is a LOT all at once. It's not even just the surgery and how anxious I am going to feel, I just worry I wouldn't be in the best head space to care for myself either.

Thanks for listening. I am not even sure what anyone can do to help. I think this is going to have to be a wait and see kind of thing. I did go to my doctor and get some anti-anxiety drugs as I am prone to it.

I'm so sorry, that is really an overwhelming situation, wanting to take care of and help your mom and having to prepare for surgery yourself. Do you have other family members who could support your mother if the worst happened right around your surgery time? This is a really tough decision. Have you/would you/could you talk to your mom about it? Maybe she would let you know if she really really needs you to be there or to go ahead and keep the surgery scheduled? Hopefully before it gets too close the drs will know more and you will be able to make a more informed decision. I wish you the best of luck with this difficult decision.

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Originally Posted by jesstutt My apologies, but I didn't know where else to go with this and it may not be relevant but I needed to share somewhere. My hysterectomy is scheduled for September 19. It's for adenomyosis and planned to an abdominal hysterectomy. I was already having bad dreams and trouble sleeping due to fears about surgery. Two weeks ago, my mom's husband had a brain bleed and had surgery. He was recovering. In the past two days, all went to hell and he's having grand mal seizures and can't feel his limbs. Come to find out he has massive clots in his brain and bleeding. He is not going to live, there is nothing that can be done. My mom lives three hours a way and needs support, emotionally she is overwhelmed. Her first husband (my dad) also died. The question is will he die tonight? Tomorrow? A week from now? On September 19? A month from now? Later this year? We just don't know. My husband said to me "don't you dare reschedule this surgery." We have set up so much stuff, after care for me, days off for him, prepping the house, etc etc, it seems so crazy to postpone it. He is also worried about me after watching me suffer through a horrific period last week. And I feel totally selfish even thinking of myself right now. But I can't help but wonder if I should postpone the surgery. It is elective after all, it can wait. The problem being we are adopting a child later this year and timeline wise things will be immensely harder later. (My husband's back up at work is having a baby at the end of the month so even pushing it back a month would be a lot harder for me to get help as we have a 2 year old daughter.) My preop appt is next Wednesday. I am hoping to know more by then. A lot could happen between now and then. For now, I am keeping it scheduled and trying to support my mom right now. I have been unbelievably anxious. This is a LOT all at once. It's not even just the surgery and how anxious I am going to feel, I just worry I wouldn't be in the best head space to care for myself either. Thanks for listening. I am not even sure what anyone can do to help. I think this is going to have to be a wait and see kind of thing. I did go to my doctor and get some anti-anxiety drugs as I am prone to it.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think you should go ahead with the surgery, so that you can be recovered in time for the new baby to get here. Then you will have 2 children to take care of and you will need your strength. You can be a shoulder for your mom to cry on, but you need to think of yourself, your husband, and children too. I have been through a lot of death in my life and I can tell you that stressing over it, doesn't keep it at bay or even prolong it from coming. Your husband sounds like a caring and concerned man. I would say, stick to the schedule.

Hi there

I know what it's like to feel completely overwhelmed as I was in that situation prior to my surgery on July 15th of this year. Will try to make a long story short.....
Since November 2013 we have had 4 deaths in the family, the last being my Mom in January.... My husband had a heart attack in April. I had appointments with regards to my hysterectomy starting in May - another CT scan, a trans-vaginal ultra-sound, a gynecologist appointment etc I told my doctor what was going on in my life and she agreed to do the surgery in August as I wanted my hubby to complete his cardiac rehab sessions first so that he would be stronger. She did say that I regardless of what I was going through, I needed to put my own health first.... Her office had sent my file to a cancer clinic to get a second opinion and I got a call within a few days from an oncologists office stating that I will have my surgery done on July 15 and that I had a pre op appointment to meet the surgeon. Everything worked out so don't worry. I guess what I am trying to say is that regardless of how overwhelmed you might be with life issues, it is important to set aside time and make yourself a priority and I know that can be difficult. I hope you find my story helpful.

Best of luck with all of this and your surgery on September 19th (that is my hubby's birthday).
Take care and keep us posted

Sounds like you and your mom might be close, so probably have talked it over with her. Your health comes first. Like when I had mine, making arrangements for many things to be covered is no easy task and stressful. Delaying it does not sound like a really good option considering the arrangements that were made and the new child coming into the family.

I am sure your mom will understand. Things happen and we can't always put our life on hold.

I kept postponing my ob/gyn appointment because my husband was having health issues - then when I went to the appointment, he ordered the ultrasound, biopsy and next thing I knew I find out my mom had ovarian cancer and I was having a lot of the symptoms. A total hysterectomy was the suggestion from the surgeon - fortunately I was cancer free! Had I not been I would have truly regretted delaying the appointment. My recovery has also been longer than I expected and the doctor said that my recovery is going very well. Things to think about. Sorry you are overwhelmed and so much is going on in your life- praying things get better for you.

Thanks so much everyone. There's so much out of your control with surgery as is. I think my biggest fear is that he will die between now and my surgery- this is not out of the realm of possibility. He had a stroke since I wrote this this morning. I think I am just not coping well with having to get ready for my surgery and know that this is happening. It also doesn't help that they live 3 hours away.

My plan is to go visit this weekend, provide in person support and "say goodbye" as needed. I will not change my surgery date. But, if something happens right before and let's say a funeral or something along those lines was happening right when the surgery was due, I'd have to change it.

I have to take it one step at a time, which is hard in light of the anxiety I was already feeling about the surgery.

Thanks for the love and support. It is much appreciated. I know so many of you understand how stressful the lead up to surgery can be, and to add in extra things just make it extra difficult. Thank you.

When you see your mom this weekend, please talk to her about it. If you were my daughter I would tell you not to postpone it under any circumstances. The important thing is you are there when he is alive. She will know you are there in spirit with her but will know your health is important too. I know it is not easy to think about, but if you were my daughter that is how I would feel.

My husband has a terminal illness. It would mean a lot for him and me to come when he is alive. Who cares if they show up when they have died. But that is just me.

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Originally Posted by charlotteel When you see your mom this weekend, please talk to her about it. If you were my daughter I would tell you not to postpone it under any circumstances. The important thing is you are there when he is alive. She will know you are there in spirit with her but will know your health is important too. I know it is not easy to think about, but if you were my daughter that is how I would feel. My husband has a terminal illness. It would mean a lot for him and me to come when he is alive. Who cares if they show up when they have died. But that is just me.

You are right. I bet anything my mom would not want me to postpone. I think for me it's more a matter of if I needed to push it back a few days. My anxiety about these kind of things makes my blood pressure really high which is no good either. My dad died of a long terminal illness as well so this brings up a lot of anxiety for all of us.

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Thanks for sharing.