Hysterectomy 2 weeks away and now this

Have been so happy that my b/f / fiance was going to be with me during my surgery. ..Then found out 2 days ago of all the lies he's told me and how wrong he has done...Last night found out A LOT more...So now I'm facing this major surgery without my love of 5 years plus the pain of everything he has done to me...I don't feel like I can go through this w/out him!!! Was only 2 weeks away why couldn't this had happened afterwards! God help me

I am so sorry you have to go through this right now. Bad men tend to reveal themselves when we need them the most. Trust me, you can do this without him. Do you have friends or family around who can offer support?

I have my mom...And i have my 2 daughters...But this is a feeling they can't make better This is something I wanted to do without my mom..She's been there for me my whole life..Shes the pushy type...No matter what I say or want she's got to put her say so in and tell me off if she doesn't agree with my choices. .She's been way over protective my whole life, never has let me grow up...I need to have other emotional feelings other than her, if that makes sense... Just wanted my b/f with me so bad...We'd already been through so much in the past 2 months and things had just got better within the past 2-3 weeks..And now it stops..Like I hit a brick wall...What's real sad is we've been together for 5 years

You're right, only you and time can make this feeling better. I can relate about your mother, she sounds like mine, instead of not letting me grow up it is like she is the one who didn't. Sending you lots of love and hope you can get some emotional healing before your physical healing starts.

Why did he bring it up now? That boggles my mind. He knows your heading for surgery and are nervous enough about that.

Are the lies so bad you can't mend fences? It sounds like you both have been open and communicating and I bet he held back telling you the worst because even he knows it's a deal breaker.

You should have this emotional trama on top of surgery. If this happened after surgery you would have suffered just as much if not more.

Hugs.

Sollace--He didn't tell me, I found out and confronted him...And yes it's to bad to mend fences. ..It's not just lies..It's evrything he has done too!! Got back on bad drugs, had his ex in our house when she is court ordered not to be around their kids cause she let them get molested...Thats just the beginning. .So yes it's to bad to overlook

I may have been just as upset if it'd happened after surgery, but atleast he would've been there with me while I needed him most...

Brittney I am so sorry to hear about this mess. I am glad for you that you found out *before* you married him though. It's too bad you invested 5 years with him - but please try to let that go. Based on what you described, he doesn't sound very trustworthy. You deserve a man you can trust.

Now about your surgery: can you talk to your doctor about possibly postponing? Until you're more emotionally ready to take this on? It sounds like you were really counting on him. Depending on your reasons for the hysterectomy (say, big fibroids & painful periods) - maybe you could use some time to recover from the emotional trauma before you undergo major surgery ? Mind & body really are connected - if you start out in a bad place mentally & emotionally - I worry your physical recovery may be more difficult.

If it's cancer or otherwise not practical to reschedule - well, then that's the way it is. You are quite young and looks like it's not the first time in your life you're having surgery - you'll get through it. But it seems worth it to ask. anyway i wish you all the best - with your surgery as well as with moving on without that scoundrel. :-)

Keep us posted on how it goes for you.

How old are your daughters? Are they aware of what's happened? Im sorry you're having this to go through.I agree if this is something that could safely be postponed for a little while it would give you some space to think.I do think it would have been worse if this had happened after your op though,because post op you can feel vulnerable enough.Sending hugs to you sister,you'll find a way through this

	Quote:
Originally Posted by Brittney81 Sollace--He didn't tell me, I found out and confronted him...And yes it's to bad to mend fences. ..It's not just lies..It's evrything he has done too!! Got back on bad drugs, had his ex in our house when she is court ordered not to be around their kids cause she let them get molested...Thats just the beginning. .So yes it's to bad to overlook

Yes, way too bad to overlook. That bridge is in ashes and, while your heart is aching, it is better to have this drama train out of your life.

The timing of losing a potential support person is not great but, really, how much support were you going to get out of someone with this level of dysfunction? This surgery has a near magical ability to show you who the people who care about you really are, and to show the sides of personalities of those around you that may have been hidden or ignored.

My 2 cents is this - Have your surgery and use it as the point where you took control of your life. You'll learn your own strength through recovery and come out the other side feeling better and ready to tackle the world.