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1 wk postop and Easter
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03-25-2005, 04:43 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 3
Hysterectomy: March 18th, 2005
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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1 wk postop and Easter
AGGH! My MIL just made it clear that she wants to be entertained at Easter. We are her only family and I feel really guilty. I am just not up for entertaining anyone and would prefer a quiet Easter.
My DH is so supportive of my recovery. He prefers avoiding conflict. When MIL was offering all sorts of Easter ideas, he left the room. This is his way of dealing with emotional manipulation. I was left to handle the guilt trip and finally I said that we weren't discussing the subject any more and I was not capable of a decision today. She stormed out.
I asked DH to help me with her. He said he would. For that I am grateful. So why do I feel like the bad guy? Everyone is helping out so much and I don't want to help host Easter. They're willing to do the work. The problem is, I just want quiet. I feel like a self centered jerk.
Argggh!
nuts4quilts TVH, left ovaries and tubes, 7 days ago. Severe anemia.
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03-25-2005, 04:51 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 31
Hysterectomy: March 11th, 2005
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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1 week post op
You are only one week post-op. I can't believe MIL is even expecting you to do anything besides get out of bed and go potty, much less entertain. Is she just a self-centered person to begin with? If others are willing to do the work at their homes, then she should be happy. It is your right to have a quiet holiday. Remember--you only have one chance to heal right. You might also remind her that dr's. orders you do nothing!!!
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03-25-2005, 04:55 PM
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Posts: 10,079
Hysterectomy: September 13th, 2004
Surgery Type: TVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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1 wk postop and Easter
Hi nuts4quilts,
I understand. It sounds like you can't cope with it emotionally. It's hard for others to understand, but please don't feel guilty, you really can't help it. Can you make your dh understand that it is more than you can handle to have a house full of people? If he could relate this to the family it would save you from needing to deal directly with anymore anger. He doesn't need to explain anymore than that. You just aren't up for it emotionally, and you need your rest.
It really is exhausting to sit and visit, as simple as that may sound to others. I had the anemia too and on top of the regular recovery you are wiped out from the blood loss. Please don't feel guilty anymore. If you can't be ok with it, you need to stand firm and say no, you are sorry, but not this year.
I hope it turns out well for you. Happy Easter
, Rita
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03-25-2005, 04:55 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 37
Hysterectomy: February 23rd, 2005
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1 wk postop and Easter
you are right to want things quiet at the moment, and however you feel, you have the right to try to work things out in a way that suits you too. But it is a no-brainer at 1 week to insist on no fuss or effort for yourself. Hurt feelings from your MIL or not, be assertive or as you have done I see, get someone to be assertive for you to save the emotional wear and tear it might require. all the best
Robyn
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03-25-2005, 04:59 PM
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Guest
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Posts: 209
Hysterectomy: January 19th, 2005
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1 wk postop and Easter
You are NOT a self-centered jerk. You are a woman who just had major abdominable surgery, one of the most serious and dangerous surgeries there is. Your MIL should not be trying to manipulate you. She should be waiting on you hand and foot instead of expecting you and your family to entertain her.
If she's so insistent on celebrating Easter, tell her to have it at her house. Tell her you really don't feel like attending since an Easter trip, as well as a guilt trip, are strictly forbidden by your doctor, but you would certainly appreciate it if she would fix you a nice plate of delicious food and bring it over. Tell her not to forget a few chocolate treats, too, like a Milky Way egg or something along those lines, and that you'll accept nothing less than a solid chocolate rabbit, not those cheap hollow ones.
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03-25-2005, 07:46 PM
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HysterSister
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Posts: 695
Hysterectomy: February 28th, 2005
Surgery Type: LAVH
Ovaries: Kept 1 or both
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1 wk postop and Easter
When your MIL starts in on you--just smile and think about your next quilt!! That's my way of coping, anyway!!!
Tell me about your quilts.....
isewquilts
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