TAH: hubby unsure about hysterectomy - making me second guess myself

Hi ladies. I have known that a hysterectomy was a reality for a few years now. Now that i have finally decided i can't take the pain and heavy bleeding anymore and have set a date, my hubby is unsure whether it is the right option. I am now second guessing the whole situation. How do i get through to him that this is not a decision that i have come to easily. I have 2 school going children that are very active and my man travels a lot. Knowing that things are going to be topsy turvy for a few weeks is a big challenge. But living with the pain and heavy bleeding, hot water bottles and staying in bed, taking pain beds to just get through the day - dealing with that every month! - to me that is even worse.

Suggestions please ladies

Sign him up for the 'mister' part of this cite. Take him to the doc with you and let/encourage him to ask any question he wants. And maybe explaining the quality of life aspect of a hysterectomy... he has probably never been around anything like this and like many of us - is scared of the unknown and scared for you.

I am only 2.5 weeks post-op, so I still have at least 4 more weeks before I am on the "free to go" list. But these are things that I had to talk to my man about. He was very supportive, but he also had reservations and concerns that I wasn't even aware of until we really talked about it at length. Now we are both glad and looking forward with great optimism.

Here are a few things your husband may be concerned about:

1. Surgery is scary when it's someone you love.
2. The recovery will take time, but as you stated, the recovery is a bargain compared to ongoing pain and bleeding - if he travels a lot he may not be fully aware of your ongoing suffering. Tell him (graphically if necessary) about it so he understands. Ask him to go with you to the doctor.
3. He may also be concerned with how to care for you after surgery if he travels. Depending on the ages of your children, they will also need to understand that you will need lots of help for a few weeks. But this is doable with prep and planning.
4. Hysterectomy conjures some comfortable images "down there" - and brings up all sorts of questions concerning intimacy. Address the questions he may have, but is afraid to mention: Will sex be the same for you, for him? How long will you have to wait to have sex after surgery? Will you still respond to him the same way? Those are real concerns for most people (men and women) facing hysterectomy, and he may not be comfortable talking about it. Sometimes talking about missing sex, or having to do without sex for a while feels shallow (IT'S NOT) when you're also looking at a serious health issue. Talk about it and see if it will put his mind at ease somewhat.

Wishing you all the best!

It's a very hard decision and I'm sure your husband is worried. I can understand his feelings as I was the one who cancelled my hysterectomy with less than 24 hours to go. My husband had already wrapped his head around it and I was quite a bit behind. I woke him up and said " I'm canceling my surgery today". He was looking forward to me having my life back but I still had many questions and worries. Surgery had been scheduled because of it needing to be done ASAP.
I was not looking forward to calling my surgeon at home on a Sunday morning to let him know. He listened to me and said he would try to help me find another way to address the issue. If I hadn't said anything my life might be very different today. With my doctors help I am no longer dealing with heavy periods and fibroids. And I never did get that hysterectomy.
Some day the problem may resurface. That's why I joined this forum. And if that's what needs to happen me and my husband will have all the information to make a sound decision.
I'm sure once all his questions and concerns are addressed he will feel much better and so will you.

As PaperPusher said if he is willing, steer him to our Mister Hystersisters site, it may be helpful to him. What about taking him to your doctor's appointment and letting your doctor explain the necessity of the surgery?

You really have to do what's in the best interest of your health. Prayerfully, he start thinking about what's in the best interest if your health also

Thank you ladies for the advice. Hubby and i had a quiet chat last night to discuss our feelings and worries about the op. Feeling much better about it now - both of us.
Must share - this morning i'm busy sorting out my daughters hair for the day, she is 7 and her hair is almost at her waist, i told her she is going to have to help dad sort her hair out while i can't. I don't know whose eyes were bigger - his or hers.

So glad your and your hubby were able to talk through some things... my husband wasn't hesitant about the surgery, but he definitely hovered over me ALOT. Tried to get him to go sleep home when I was in the hospital for the night after, no reason both of us shouldn't sleep, he reminded me that I wouldn't let him get a bone scan for an injured leg last year without me being there.. so I understood... they do tend to worry about us... but it is comforting. I am two weeks post op today and he is still hovering a bit and keeps telling me to lay down, take a nap, etc. We have a school aged son and he has been great about taking care of him, luckily no hair issues with boys... I can imagine that is going to be a pretty funny situation with him doing your daughters hair. My husband wasn't the type to join the mr. hystersisters, but I have been on the site non stop since right before my surgery & he listens to me ramble about other peoples situations & all that, not sure her really cares to hear everything, but its kind of like me listening to him talk about work every night... I will have to say, keep coming to the site, keep asking questions, none are too silly... I was posting questions up until 2am the night before surgery when I was the only one up in the house & had crazy questions & it was so comforting to get a response. It also helped a lot to post in the area where the people had surgery the same time frame as me... everyone's recovery is a little different, but it is comforting when you think you are the only one having a certain symptom and find out that many people feel the same way you do... I wish you a good surgery, good recovery & enjoy the no more periods!! I too had struggled for years with pain, bleeding, etc & while im only 2 weeks out & still recovering I definatley don't regret my decision. I think the recovery will be worth never dealing with that BS again!!

	Quote:
Originally Posted by TheMrsSmith Hi ladies. I have known that a hysterectomy was a reality for a few years now. Now that i have finally decided i can't take the pain and heavy bleeding anymore and have set a date, my hubby is unsure whether it is the right option. I am now second guessing the whole situation. How do i get through to him that this is not a decision that i have come to easily. I have 2 school going children that are very active and my man travels a lot. Knowing that things are going to be topsy turvy for a few weeks is a big challenge. But living with the pain and heavy bleeding, hot water bottles and staying in bed, taking pain beds to just get through the day - dealing with that every month! - to me that is even worse. Suggestions please ladies

Hello,
I did the exact same thing with second guessing my self. I had my surgery on 2/10/14. It was the best decision. I'm was so tired of the pain & heavy bleeding. I feel so much better already and it is just over 3 weeks. My husband works & coaches high school basketball and I have two high school daughters that are actively involved. I had to utilize family & friends as well as my hubby made modifications with his schedule. It is so worth for feeling better long term. Good Luck with your decision.