The pain starts so small..

My story is a little different from what I've read on this site, and I always thought what I felt was normal. I had my tubes tied the day after my last child was born. A few years later I had problems with bleeding (like couldn't get out of the shower till it stopped, bleeding) and had an ablation. The ablation actually worked on me, and I didn't have a period for about two years, then I started spotting here and there, no biggie. I just went along as normal. Pap every year, no problems.. until this year. The pain started so small, I didn't realize it was even a problem. Even when I had to stop and clutch my stomach and my face went white and I got the shakes, since It wasn't constant I didn't even pay it any attention. I never even brought it up at the gyno, I just thought it was intestinal cramps. He actually asked me about my periods and expressed concern about the spotting. One week later I get an ultrasound and the news that I need a hysterectomy. All the little things I have been ignoring are probably because of large fibroids, on top of that my cervix is scarred closed and there are cysts on my ovaries. When my doctor told me I needed the hyster, I held myself together till I got to my car and then I broke down and bawled for a half hour. Then I called my mom. I was so completely floored while in the office, I didn't even ask ANY questions. Now I realize how many of the (little) things I have been living with are related to my uterus, i'm not sure of the total size but I saw one of the measurements they took and it is 15cm across, I didn't see what the height is but I want to find out. I have a list in progress of questions I want to ask now that the shock has worn off. But I am now in a sort of mourning, I am so worried about the aftermath of this surgery, wieght gain, loss of libido, if he removes my ovaries how much worse will it be.. I swear this feels like the worst PMS I have ever had. I am crying all the time and over seemingly nothing. I don't know if this is the right place for this post, I just wanted to get it all off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Hi justdawn43 -

You are posting in the right place, as you have yet to have your surgery.

All of your emotions, nerves, freakouts and fears are very normal. When I was told I needed a hysterectomy, I did the same thing you did: held it together until I got to the car and then Of course you are in mourning. You are loosing your uterus, something that carried your babies, and made its presence known to you for decades. And now this is being taken from you by force. Of course you are saddened by this. This is one tough surgery to process and digest.

All of the unknowns with this surgery can drive you crazy. Everyone is different, but I have not gained weight and it has been over three years. I had a TAH BSO - so everything is gone. For me, surgical menopause was MISERABLE. My GP put me on oral estrogen and it gave me my life back. Plus, she said that it was better for my health in the big picture. I do have loss of libido.

Know that you are not alone in this. We are here to help and support you.