I need to vent

I had LAVH 4 weeks ago today. I have not yet received a call from my husband's brother or his lovely (not) wife to see if i am dead or still breathing. My husband talked to them the night I had surgery. They were coming to visit the next day and we have not seen them yet. Nor has anyone been asked how I am doing. They have not even sent an amial or message on facebook. My husband is not happy about this either.We have a family dinner this weekend and I do not want to go. I literally cannot stand my sister in law. She has made so many ugly remarks over the years that I do not care if I am never around her again. We have been married since 1983 so it's not like we don't know each other (well we really don't). Does anyone else have these issues or I am the only one married into a wierd family?:

Let me add that we never do anything. We see them at Christmas (we go out to eat and have only been doing this for the last 3 years or so) and their grandson's birthday party. The only other time we see them during the year is if one of the parents is in the hospital. There are never any family get togethers like normal people.

My mother in law has only called once and I happened to answer. She was actually calling about our Christmas dinner this weekend. It will be at Red Lobster and she doesn't even eat seafood! Go figure.

I feel like I have 27 years of resentment built up at this point. Please say a prayer for me to keep my sanity.

Thanks for listening to me gripe. It means so mch to have you all for support.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family. We are only having my parents over this year.

Aww, I'm sorry you are going through this. I guess I shouldn't feel bad because I had my surgery Nov 16th, and my brother-in-law did not call until Nov 21st. Four weeks is a long time to not have a call from an immediate family member. I was beginning to get mad because I had not received a call, especially since my brother-in-law was in the hospital last month and we were there every other day. I don't think some people realize how serious this surgery is to a woman's body. I do understand how you feel. I will pray for you during this difficult time and do try to have a happy holiday.

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Originally Posted by Spark1126 Aww, I'm sorry you are going through this. I guess I shouldn't feel bad because I had my surgery Nov 16th, and my brother-in-law did not call until Nov 21st. Four weeks is a long time to not have a call from an immediate family member. I was beginning to get mad because I had not received a call, especially since my brother-in-law was in the hospital last month and we were there every other day. I don't think some people realize how serious this surgery is to a woman's body. I do understand how you feel. I will pray for you during this difficult time and do try to have a happy holiday.

Thank you. I will have a good holiday. We have never been close. My husband only has 1 brother. I can guarantee if it was someone in his wife's family, they would be there. I am an only child. I wish things were different with my husbands family but I have accepted that it never will be.

so sorry to hear...I understand totally, even though you wind up saying the same thing over and over again to everyone that calls, "I am doing better" etc. It's still nice to know someone cares. Before I was even home for a day, my coworkers sent me a basket and a card but MY Brother "a doctor" sent me a "text" message the night after my surgery..."hey, how are you?" I sent him my progress and that was it, didn't hear from him again for two days. Note he is a doctor in the same town I live in. Don't mean to horn in on the venting thing because I actually thought it was so bizarre it was funny! There is no telling how family will react to things, like the expression goes family is a gift you can't ever return. :-)
I will pray the serenity prayer for you, I heard it on Joyce Meyer this morning and it has hit home for me too today. God bless you and hope you are feeling better.

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Originally Posted by sadIIIs so sorry to hear...I understand totally, even though you wind up saying the same thing over and over again to everyone that calls, "I am doing better" etc. It's still nice to know someone cares. Before I was even home for a day, my coworkers sent me a basket and a card but MY Brother "a doctor" sent me a "text" message the night after my surgery..."hey, how are you?" I sent him my progress and that was it, didn't hear from him again for two days. Note he is a doctor in the same town I live in. Don't mean to horn in on the venting thing because I actually thought it was so bizarre it was funny! There is no telling how family will react to things, like the expression goes family is a gift you can't ever return. :-) I will pray the serenity prayer for you, I heard it on Joyce Meyer this morning and it has hit home for me too today. God bless you and hope you are feeling better.

Thank you so much. I am sorry that you were treated that way by your own brother.

We all live within 12 miles or so!! They just act like they don't know us. I have often wondered if it is jealousy thing. The way I look at it is it's their loss not ours! It doesn't really surprise me at all. When my daughter was a baby my fever shot up to 104. I had a bad UTI and my husband was also sick. The lovely sis-is-law said they needed to take me out and shoot me! I wouldn't say that to a dog.There have been many reamrks over the years (in the past she has thrown off on my furniture and my dog) and my resentment has built up. I know it is not Christain to feel the way I do toward them right now. I am going to pray about it.

I jokingly refer to them as The Addams Family!!

I can relate to this completely. My husband says that all of his family has asked about me so I guess they care a little. Still, it would be nice to get a card or a call directly. I really didn't expect much as they have never treated me as a family member. I am actually happy to have an excuse, my recovery, to not make the 4 hour trip during the holidays just to deal with being ignored at the gathering. Our relationship, mine and the in-laws, is so bad that last year when my husband and I hit a hard patch they threw a family party in support of him possibly divorcing me. Thankfully my husband and I worked out our problems. I will never forgive the in-laws for how they handled things over the last year because it was very evident they did not want us to stay together. Sometimes I get really sad thinking about how things "should be" and then I realize the most important relationship to me is that within my home. I'm sorry that you deal with insensitive in-laws. You are not alone. By the way, check out the site "I hate my in-laws" Really funny. I always go to the site around this time of year because all of those feelings get churned up. Happy Healing.

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Originally Posted by marianas00 I can relate to this completely. My husband says that all of his family has asked about me so I guess they care a little. Still, it would be nice to get a card or a call directly. I really didn't expect much as they have never treated me as a family member. I am actually happy to have an excuse, my recovery, to not make the 4 hour trip during the holidays just to deal with being ignored at the gathering. Our relationship, mine and the in-laws, is so bad that last year when my husband and I hit a hard patch they threw a family party in support of him possibly divorcing me. Thankfully my husband and I worked out our problems. I will never forgive the in-laws for how they handled things over the last year because it was very evident they did not want us to stay together. Sometimes I get really sad thinking about how things "should be" and then I realize the most important relationship to me is that within my home. I'm sorry that you deal with insensitive in-laws. You are not alone. By the way, check out the site "I hate my in-laws" Really funny. I always go to the site around this time of year because all of those feelings get churned up. Happy Healing.

Sorry to hear about your insensitive inlaws. They sound worse than mine. You are right-it is what is in our own homes that counts.

Lucky you for not having to spend the holidays withn them. I wish I could be so lucky!! At least the meal this weekend won't last long. But Christmas day, mommy dearest will be here. My mom and dad inlaw are separated but have never divorced and all she does is nag and say negative things about him. If she's not ragging him, it is something else, but it is always negative. This would make a hilarious sitcom!

that's funny, my sister and hubby are the flintstones.

it's not christian no, but it is human once in a while. Just keep being you and doing what you know is right, that's all you can do. They are the ones losing out not you. I feel bad for people who have no sense of compassion. How sad must be their lives. Just keep getting better and don't let them get to you, that's always the best way.

Oh my Gosh! This sounds like me.
My husband only has one brother and one sister. He doesn't talk to his siter though, she lives in Fla.
His brother on the other hand, lives about an hour away. (we used to live 10 min. away, and they still never came over) They were talking everyday until Aug. 28th, until my brother in law offended my husband. They new I was having surgery on 10-28-10 and never even bothered to call me. The kicker here is my sister in law is an RN. She didn't even give me any advice or encouragement. They only new about my surgery cause my husband's neice told them.
I called the house to talk to the neice 2 days after surgery and the RN answered. So she new I was still in the hospital. She didn't really care.
They still haven't called me to see how I am doing!!! Almost 4 weeks later. I don't understand it. My husband says sorry, but it's not his fault. His bro needs to apologize and this might be over soon.
It's really sad about his family. We have lived near them for 7 years, we just moved an hour away 9 months ago. The brother has been here 2 times and the sister in law- NEVER!!! We have only had holidays together 4 times. 2 Christmases and 2 Thanksgivings, in 7 years.
I come from a family of 1 brother and 8 sisters. As meesed up as they all are, my mom still gets them together for b-days and all holidays.(I would go to but they live in a different state.)
I know that I'd be there for them if they needed me, so I'm not going to be upset about it like I was. That doesn't make me better, just different.
Have a great Holiday if you're spending it with them, we are having it with our 2 children, here at home, that's what counts to me, FAMILY!

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Originally Posted by brandy1 Oh my Gosh! This sounds like me. My husband only has one brother and one sister. He doesn't talk to his siter though, she lives in Fla. His brother on the other hand, lives about an hour away. (we used to live 10 min. away, and they still never came over) They were talking everyday until Aug. 28th, until my brother in law offended my husband. They new I was having surgery on 10-28-10 and never even bothered to call me. The kicker here is my sister in law is an RN. She didn't even give me any advice or encouragement. They only new about my surgery cause my husband's neice told them. I called the house to talk to the neice 2 days after surgery and the RN answered. So she new I was still in the hospital. She didn't really care. They still haven't called me to see how I am doing!!! Almost 4 weeks later. I don't understand it. My husband says sorry, but it's not his fault. His bro needs to apologize and this might be over soon. It's really sad about his family. We have lived near them for 7 years, we just moved an hour away 9 months ago. The brother has been here 2 times and the sister in law- NEVER!!! We have only had holidays together 4 times. 2 Christmases and 2 Thanksgivings, in 7 years. I come from a family of 1 brother and 8 sisters. As meesed up as they all are, my mom still gets them together for b-days and all holidays.(I would go to but they live in a different state.) I know that I'd be there for them if they needed me, so I'm not going to be upset about it like I was. That doesn't make me better, just different. Have a great Holiday if you're spending it with them, we are having it with our 2 children, here at home, that's what counts to me, FAMILY!

Sorry to hear you have issues with family too. I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving.