Need Tactful response to Painful Statement

I had my TAH on 8/17/10 and I am searching for a way to address a statement that keeps coming my way. When I talk with some of my friends they have said "Well, it is not like you wanted more kids"I don't think they realize that those statements are hurtful. They have no idea that my bf and I were thinking about it even though we are both in a our early 40's. What can I say that lets them know they were thoughtless and hurtful, without being "witchy"?

1. Just be honest and tell them that you would have loved more kids ant they should not assume things like that.

2. Dump her drink and say, Its not like you wanted to gain the weight anyway.

3.Cry and sob very loudly untill they feel ashamed.

4.Let them know that most women would be hurt by this statement and that it is a very unthoughtful and hurtful thing to assume.

5.Just plain tell them that it makes an *** out of them to assume.

6. tell them , they must not know you as well as they though to say that.

I have to admit number 2 would be fun especially on a white dress. I so needed the smile it put on my face. Right now I am so emotional all I can do is walk away, but I am making a few calls tomorrow to some "friends"who have been left looking rather baffled with a gentle chastisment that they were wrong in their assumptions and to think twice before they make that comment to other. I just need to get the hurt out of my head for now.

I have people who assume that we didn't want more because we only have one. So not the case...I'd have a whole housefull if I could. Prayers for you.

I'd opt for "actually, we did, and its a painful subject right now", or "I wish that were true" or "I'm sure you mean well by that". Or "you never know what other people are thinking, really". The list above is good, too. It partly depends on whether you want to end the discussion or not. I hope you find an answer that suits your situation.

I understand exactly what you mean. I have a son so people have said similar things to me as well. I REALLY hate it when mother's of multiple children tell me I am so lucky to only have one, I usually respond with "it wasn't by choice". I don't know why people don't think before they speak, but I'm sure in their mind they are saying something comforting. I hope you find the right words that make you feel better without losing any friendships. Hugs to you.

Depending on my mood, I either ignore them, or just spill way more information than they ever wanted to begin with. That usually stops them in their tracks. Although, I must say, I really love the dumping the drink idea!!!!

People will stop with their questions when I say, "Let's see - an ectopic pregnancy that involved near death for me, a miscarriage, a daughter that died during birth, a son that was stillborn, and a failed adoption before ending up adopting successfully from Russia, would you like to tell my why I am lucky to only have one?" Or, if they are asking why we only have one, I can just put a different spin on that same explanation and say "do you really think I only wanted one?"

People are always going to be insensitive, but over time, I've come to realize that most of them don't mean to and a select few do mean to. Just be armed with responses and it will be easier in the long run.

Hugs to you!!!

I'm 29 and just had TAH. I don't have any kids. I've been amazed at how many people who make it their business to tell me how adoption is the best thing in the world as soon as they find out I was having or have had a hysterectomy. Not that I wouldn't consider adoption or embrace it but I'm not ready to think about it- I'm still dealing with just with the pain. Anyways- it's such a personal thing that becomes a wide open issue even if you share you had the surgery. Here's to healing all of us!