Terrible Day! - sensitive content

Thanks to all of you who read me through to the end! I appreciate it! Just being able to get it out where I know people understand, is very freeing. I know why she does it, It's always been me, because she knows I am not going to walk out on her. I did mail her back and told her that she didn't know all the gritty details because honestly who tells them? and who wants to hear them? I told her I am sorry for what she is going through and that I don;t think these are her true colours but rather hormones and greif which she is entitled to, but she has no business accusing me of such atrosity, she responded that the only reason I am defensive about it is because she is absolutely right and I should be ashamed of myself, well I'm a little defensive because she is wrong! I think about a lot of occurences over the last few years, and it seems more and more like this has been a long standing really abusive relationship with her! I'm sure in time she will see what she has done and how hideous her behaviour was, but I think it will be a LONG time before I am wanting or able to speak with her. She has a daughter only months older than my own, that is a really hard part in this because she is always calling me or asking if she can go to aunty Heather's house, not seeing her is what'll get me. I think right now though, she needs time with her husband to deal with things her way, she says I tried to make it about me, I didn't even know! She never even told me, but rather lied for the last few weeks and spent all her time on the farm, and going to an amusement park, how was I to know this is her way of coping with what she considered her death bed? she should have left me and my own experience out of it, but like I said it's easier to be angry and hate filled than feel the pain. For myself, I am just leaving it and her alone at this point, and when she is ready, she can come to me, I don't need this sort of relationship in my life. Thanks again!

Many Lee...we're here if you need us!

Lee
You're absolutely right. You don't need this sort of relationship in your life. Whether it's your sister, mother, cousin, friend... it doesn't matter. It's unhealthy. And looking back you say you can see this is a long standing occurance ~ sounds like it's a pretty vicious cycle. I think it's great that you responded to her email and even let her know how sorry you are for her loss. I'm sure that took a lot after what she's said to you. I think it's even better that you see the effects your relationship with her has had on you and you're taking action to stop it. Good for you! At this point, you're giving her the space she needs to deal with this ~ and the ball's in her court.

Lee,

I think you did the right thing...probably was the only thing you can do at this point. Give it some time...let the dust settle, and let her have some time to think about what has happened. I have a feeling it won't be long before she will come to realize what she has done. Take it one day at a time, and when the time is right, you will know what to do. I don't know why some families are like that...my middle sister always seems to be the "drama queen". She is a wonderful person, but she can be a pain in my butt! I would imagine that most everyone has gone through the rivalry thing, but I also think that none of us really know why

Take this time to heal. Concentrate on *you* and try to focus on the positive things in your life. Look into that little 3 yr. olds eyes, and I bet you will feel sooooo much better. This will work out...I'm sure of it. Sending you a

This is absoloutly awful, i really dont know what else to say that anyone hasnt already mentioned or advised.

I truely hope things can be resolved between you & your sister, its good that you understand her loss, but things swing both ways she should be there for you too, especially after all you are going through at the moment, you are so very young to have this operation, and i thought i was at 32yrs.

Sending you BIG HUGS!

Dear Lee,
I am sorry that you are having to go through this!

15 years ago my DH and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, 2 hours later she died. I did not want her burried in a grave so I decieded to have her cremated with only a small service in our funeral parlor. I flat out REFUSED to let anyone (or any flowers)into the service other than my DH's parents and my parents....why? I have no idea. My point is some people want to keep things private, as did you. Years later I appolgized to the fueral director for being, as I phrased it, "looney toons." This man was gracious enough to tell me that he had seen much worse in his time there and that grief can do many things to a person that they normally would not even consider.

Your sister may or may not come around to understanding what she has done to you, but, you DO know and that is all that matters! Take our other Sisters wonderful advice, wait. Time will heal most wounds.

Feel free to vent on us anytime, that is why we are here silly girl !

Kelly

I thought this would be the easiest way to thank all of you. I left things alone, and yesterday I woke up to find an email from my sister, about how now that she has gotten her emotions in check she doesn't want to lose or destroy our relationship, we both have appologized for letting it get so out of hand and go so far, our experiences were very different and there shouldn't be accusations or comparison between the 2, but rather compassion. We both want to leave things in the past. When I had last emailed her about a week ago I told her that I know these are not her true colours, and when she is ready to come around and see what is going on I will be here for her. We later talked for about an hour and it seems that things will be ok. Thank you all again for your support and prayers!

WONDERFUL !!!
Keep praying for each other and it wouldn't hurt to pray TOGETHER for one another, too.
It's where you both will get your strength. And healing.
God gave you each other. So give Him thanks for each other and that in time, you will both be able to share more and more. You've been given TIME. More of it.
So happy it is turning around for you both= at least to turn to each other if not getting better in any other way yet.

I'm glad you two are able to get past this so easily and acknowledge how much you mean to each other.

Lee,
The kind of thing that happened between you and your sister can destroy an entire family. I've seen it happen in my family and to others that I know. I alway's want to say "Can't we all just get along?", but it's usually not that simple.

I admire you for handling things like a "real grown-up". People twice your age sometimes forget how to behave like an adult in these situations.

's and 's

Jennifer