Having a meltdown

I am having a total meltdown. I am trying to be mellow, but my hormones are flashing big time and my Dear Dear Dear DH is not communicating with me at all. I asked him weeks ago to please arrange for his daughter, my step, to stay with her mom on the night before my surgery so that we did not have conflict between taking her to school and me to the hospital, like last time...... he won't do it, says I'm being ridiculous. When I had my cone in February, I ended up riding in the back seat of the car, with her body spray (I'm allergic big time) and her changing the radio station over and over to various rap stations. I was dropped off at the hospital an hour or so early so that we did not disrupt her schedule.

I am so furious right now. I told him that I can no longer see myself growing old with him. He won't communicate with me. Period.

oh yeah, and I'm scared about the cancer thing, and the rectal repair, and the shortened passage, and the long-term repercussions of this surgery. But, I have been in so much pain for so long and bleeding and bleeding, and the severe dysplasia/cancer thing, and I just can't understand why he won't take the action of calling the ex ahead of time to have her keep the kid so there is no conflict.

he says that I am totally ridiculous.

I am like this today............ my valium is barely making a dent. My hands are not shaking so bad.

sorry to vent. I really have no where else I can say how I am feeling about my DH right now. When I had the cone, he did not even go pick up my prescription for pain meds until I got hysterical about it. He got to the pharmacy about 4 minutes before they closed.......... his excuse was that I did not remind him. Actually, I reminded him 2 or 3 different times, besides the fact that he was there for my release instructions.

I am totally stressed out. He's been angry with me all weekend because I hurt too bad to have hard sex. He hammered me several times on Friday and I have barely been able to walk since. He thinks we should take advantage of this time before my surgery........... I've been crying for days.

Notme58

Why are you staying with this man? If you do not have children with him?
Were is your family. Call a Taxi and take yourself to the hospital.
I'm not trying to be mean just real, maybe he would take you more serious if you started showing some action.;

histo,

if you are talking to me.......... we've been together for 9 years, and in general, they have been the best years of my life. The business about his daughter has been a constant thing, in addition to his cowardice re his ex wife. We all have issues. At this time though, I honestly cannot see myself growing old with him. We are horrendously invested financially though. Right now, between the economy being what it is, and the money it's costing me in lost wages, etc., I need to stay where I am (the guest room lately) for another year or so.

I am driving myself to the hospital and have asked my daughter to take my car home when she gets off of work. My daughter is very sick with lupus and really can't be the one to take care of me. My son checked into a recovery house on mother's day. he was finally ready and I am so grateful. He is getting permission to come stay with me on the weekend when I get out so of the hosp that he can make sure that I am fed and watered... he has to be there participating in the program on the weekdays though. I'm so grateful that he is getting his life together.

My mother really wants to take care of me, but she's had a couple of strokes and has to be taken care of herself.

I have put so much food in the freezer, soups, etc, that I figured that my DH who is generally a good man, but has always been lazy and last minute, could handle it.

After my meltdown over his refusal to make advance arrangements for his 15 year old daughter to stay with her mother for one night though, I don't think he likes me well enough to do anything for me./

He told that kid last night that it was alright for her to have slumber parties this weekend........ this was the weekend I was going to clean the upholstery on the couch so that when I'm laying on it in recovery, it won't stink of dog so much. I am so angry with him I can hardly breathe.

When I got home from work last night, I tried talking with, not at, him. I was calm and quiet. I'm tired, scared, and I hurt. I wanted to talk with him about what he was feeling, that it felt like he was disappointed with me.... I asked him what I could do to make it easier for him to take care of me........... he did not speak to me at all. I would ask him something and wait. He would look at me with tortured eyes, take a breath as though he was going to speak, and full minutes later, be staring at the ceiling without ever having uttered a word............ that went on for close to an hour before I totally lost it. and I totally lost it.

Then I went to bed in the guest room (again).

I'm tired and sad. He has been the best lover I have ever known. We have shared goals, and complimentary interests. He has never been a communicator, and fears his ex wife with such intensity it's amazing. I am such a communicator. When he won't answer, my mind makes up a variety of answers for him. None of them are much good for me.

We have 2 houses, 10 acres in the mountains, and a 2nd on our home that is daunting. In about 2 years, the 2nd will be done. Then we can split up with him having the nice home we live in, and me taking our rental (my home) and the 10 acres. We'll probably have to fight over my retirement.

what a time to be feeling this insecure about my marriage.

House4me

Sister I wish I lived near you! I would help you or bring you to my house and we could recover together. Were are your girlfriends friends in the neighborhood? Have you called on your local church group for help?

Hopefully you and your husband will work things out. I know men are like children when it comes to taking their sex toy away. Try and get your meds prior to surgery. I'll be praying for you....

I don't have a church group, and over the years, my friends have moved far away. My sister is fighting hep C in Michigan, my sis-in-law is having round 6 of chemo today in so cali, best friend Mic is living in Missouri but visiting in Arkansas to take care of friend Deb whose in the hosp with serious heart condition... friend CindyAnn is in Nevada. Her mom had another stroke on Saturday. Everyone else has jobs they have to go to and their own families to take care of.

Shoot, it's just the way things are right now. My valium and venting here are helping though.

I honestly believe that I would have an easier time taking care of myself, if it were only me around.... when you are waiting for somebody to do something for you, and they don't, it's irritating. If it's just me there, I will get up when I can, and keep water etc beside me..... the only person I'd have to get mad at would be myself. Not him.

I totally know where ekelk is coming from when she talks about the stinky garbage.

I'm really grateful that my son will come and help. He has always been my buddy. He'll come lay down with me, take naps with me, and he will take care of me when he's there. He's a silly one though.

Life is good and this time next week, I will be unconscious anyway, right! None of this will be bugging me a bit.... And, the pain from the cyst, adeno and fibroids will be gone soon after. If they find me full of cancer instead, I will just have to do chemo. If my passage is too short for my man, maybe I will just find a smaller man.......or pass on all that business.

It will all work out.

You have been wonderful and helpful histo. I'll stop sniveling now.

House4me...

My heart started pounding just reading your posts. I am so sorry that your husband is such an *** How awful. My husband is the opposite of all that and I'm still emotionally torn up right now. I really really really hope that you can last another 2 years and get your freedom back. You deserve, all women deserve, to be loved and treated as goddesses. I really hope that you can find some solid support.

Stay strong... I know its hard... we are here so keep communicating.

Lots of love
Steph

My emotions are in better shape today, fine shape even. Two days ago, I was a total mess just buried in fears and angry with my DH.

I took advantage of some quiet time alone yesterday evening and just worked through everything, all the pathways this could take. I think that really, my biggest fears related to how this could affect my sexuality in the long run.

I feel fine today. I have and have had a very good life. Regardless of the outcome of this procedure, a way will open for me to get through.

I am so looking forward to an end to the pain I've been feeling.