Am I being oversensitive??

I am new here and do not want to express myself as a complainer because I am not. I had a abdominal hyst. on Oct 31/12. Out in 2 days, no complaints, had wonderful nursing care, great meds. I have 3 teenagers (19,18 and 16), divorced but in a relationship for 5 1/2 yrs with a man who lives about 1/2 hr away. From my first day home I feel like I've had no help. I don't "relax" easily, I'm impatient and feel like I'm being lazy. My "kids" have obviously picked up on that and nothing is getting done unless I do it. I know...leave it. But I can't, I'm bored out of my mind! I normally work 40-44 hrs a week. I'm off until Dec. 16 at the earliest but looking more like my return will be after the holidays (physically demanding job). My emotional upset comes from the feeling that I have to do everything and no one even tries to help. I'm so frustrated with my boyfriend. Since the surgery I've seen him 6 times. He's come down with quite a cold and I don't even want to think about coughing or sneezing! I have no help, no real close friends to speak of (my ex won most in the divorce), I feel abandoned. I feel so emotional, crying hurts so I try not too. I'm tempted to just tell everyone to bugger off permanently. UGH! Am I being oversensitive?

Oh dear! This is a time where you need the support of family and friends. I know how you feel about getting everything done, I'm exactly the same and have found it difficult sitting down doing nothing, but for the sake of your health, you only get one chance to heal properly! Remember, your not sitting down doing nothing- your resting! Everything else will still be there when youve recovered. Have you tried talking to your partner and children? Remember, you have your sisters ;-) Take care and try to rest!

You are NOT being over sensitive!
I think you need to sit the kids down and tell them how it is- e.g. MAJOR OP!!!
If necessary do a rota - gives you something to do but also let's them know what's expected.
Also talk to partner or you will feel resentful. He needs to do his bit to help you - when cold gone!

I guess no one sees it as major surgery. I am sore, they see that. They do know I can't (and won't) lift anything over 5 lbs. I just feel like after 3 weeks some one, anyone should be helping. I'm alone all day too which is really depressing. My BF is sick, I get that but I really, really thought he'd be there for me more than he has. I'm at a loss. I don't want to overthink this but I'm just sad. I know negative emotions can hinder recovery and I just want to get back to work so I'm basically ignoring things. But you're right, I am getting resentful.

	Quote:
Originally Posted by CherieV I am new here and do not want to express myself as a complainer because I am not. I had a abdominal hyst. on Oct 31/12. Out in 2 days, no complaints, had wonderful nursing care, great meds. I have 3 teenagers (19,18 and 16), divorced but in a relationship for 5 1/2 yrs with a man who lives about 1/2 hr away. From my first day home I feel like I've had no help. I don't "relax" easily, I'm impatient and feel like I'm being lazy. My "kids" have obviously picked up on that and nothing is getting done unless I do it. I know...leave it. But I can't, I'm bored out of my mind! I normally work 40-44 hrs a week. I'm off until Dec. 16 at the earliest but looking more like my return will be after the holidays (physically demanding job). My emotional upset comes from the feeling that I have to do everything and no one even tries to help. I'm so frustrated with my boyfriend. Since the surgery I've seen him 6 times. He's come down with quite a cold and I don't even want to think about coughing or sneezing! I have no help, no real close friends to speak of (my ex won most in the divorce), I feel abandoned. I feel so emotional, crying hurts so I try not too. I'm tempted to just tell everyone to bugger off permanently. UGH! Am I being oversensitive?

No you are NOT being oversensitive.
Sometimes guys do not know what to do.
Just call him as ask him to come over and watch a movie together. Let him pick out the movie! Get him to bring or make you dinner.

As for your kids, they each need a job. They can take you grocery shopping, and you can ride in the motorized cart.
Costco has one! Only if you feel up to it.
Go to the movies and have one of your kids drive you.
If they live with you, they (your kids) have to help.
Call a family "meeting."

Give them specific jobs to do.

Good luck on the BF.
It is during times like this you know who your friends are.
That includes BF's.

I agree with suziq15. Men are clueless and just don't know what to say, do or how to react. I live with mine and he was clueless......I had to tell him what I wanted or needed him to do or he did nothing. As for the kids.....this is a family thing and taking care of you should be the first and most important thing. They all are old enough to know what needs to be done. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

Sorry you are not getting the help you need. I can understand where you are coming from. My eldest is 18 and he lives in a bubble I think we are very idealistic when it comes to teens, but they are not perfect and generally don't want to pull their weight. If it wasn't for my husband watching the little ones and doing everything I would have been at my wits end too. Are you in a position to get a little home help i.e. cleaner for a couple if weeks, this will probably make you feel better. It's a shame kids are such arses, they do care underneath but are lazy. If you let them get away with it they will. The last thing you need is stress. Let them all know are let down you feel and tell them this is one time when you really need help. I really hope you find some resolve. Let us know how you get on. X x

I can completely relate to your situation. I have a 15yr old daughter & have a bf of 5 yrs. the first week a home I overheard a comment that I was "milking it", I said nothing @ that point. 2nd week home I was told I had another week then there was work to be done. Well needless to say I am @ my house now (was @ bf's 1st 2 weeks) that I am confident on climbing stairs,slowly of course (but I have a 3-1/2 story house & didnt wanta push it @ 1st) Told the bf how I felt & I tell my daughter exactly what I want done, no arguements. Well of course they just blame the hormones but ok,blame what you want. I have had many health issues & am not about to further jeopordize it just because they cant help pick up socks or what have ya. This is your time to heal properly & if they cant understand with reasoning that if you over exurt yourself there could be major consequences then become demanding & just blame the hormones...lol, My bf was a little upset 4 a couple days but he is making a better effort again & well me teenager, lets just say she is a typical teenager (:

I'm so glad I'm not the only one frustrated. My hubby is great but had to go back to work the day after I got home. My kiddos are 18 and 20 and zero help. They both had a friend over last night and this morning when I walked into the living room...disaster area. The kitchen looks like everybody ate something different and left everything lay out. There are 2 empty tubs of ice cream on the counter and I just want to scream. My best friend promised to behere for me and I haven't seen her once. My mother was supposed to come help but if its not about her she wants no part of it. I feel like everyone is going to think I am just lazy or milking it. I don't think they have a clue how helpless this makes you feel.

Your hyster was only a few days ago - back to bed!!!!! The ice cream containers made me laugh, sounds exactly like my house. I know i overdid it in the first weeks. I'm not nearly as healed as I should be. The frustration is insane. Even after a good old "somebody better **** well start ding something around here", nothing changed. Wonder what they would thin if you left the mess (like you should!). No one realizes how much you do, until you don't do it.