Regretting the hysterectomy

This is my second time posting so I'm not sure if this is the right place.

I had my uterus removed (laparoscopic supracervical hysterectomy) on 10-8-09 because of several fibroids, the largest one measuring 6.7 cm. They left my cervix and ovaries. I cancelled my first sceduled date in June but decided to go ahead in October. Only reason I had it done was for back pain. I did not have heavy bleeding as I was in menopause according to my blood tests. I am 52. I would say 50% of my back pain is gone but the other 50% is due to a herniated disc.

Although my back pain is slightly better, I feel an empty spot in the middle of my abdomen. I hate that feeling!!! I can't get used to it. I wish I could put my uterus back. Has anybody ever felt that way?

I feel hollow as if somebody reached in and yanked a part of me out and it is making me sad. I don't feel whole anymore. My left side hurts and pulls (which Physician assistant said is normal and can take 6 weeks due to something about stitches preventing a hernia). I don't think my bladder is quite the same but can't pinpoint why. It has been 2 weeks since the surgery.

I remember asking someone on this site before the surgery if they felt like something was missing and they said no. I trusted that but It is not true for everyone I guess because I do feel it missing.

I guess eventually this emptiness will feel normal but I kind of wish I could undo everything. I feel I caused more problems now and am depressed.

Most people say they are so happy to have their uterus out. I thought I would feel that way too but I don't.

Oh this feeling will pass. I on the otherhand don't feel any different and don't notice my uterus not being there. Except my back pain is gone, and ureter isn't compressed any longer and oh yeah I will never have to have a period again. That is the best as I am 38 and probably had a long way to go til menopause. I kept my cervix but ovaries are out and I'm on Premarin and feel great. I hope you start to feel better soon and this too shall pass.

Hi Mermaid!

I posted once that I didn't feel like a girl/woman after my surgery. Another sister saw that and started a new post dedicated to helping advice about being a girl/woman even without a uterus. And there were plently of other siters who had beautiful words of encouragement that quickly had me believing that this too would pass as I recovered - and it is getting better. One suggestion I took was to say good bye to my uterus, and to allow myself to grieve the loss because even as troublesome as it was, it is a loss. There are times when I come close to regretting my decision, and it doesn't take much to get there so I can understand what you are feeling.

A really good thing to remember is that everyone heals and feels differently about their experience. And there will be those who feel regret who will be able to help you.

It is pretty soon after your surgery too. I felt my loss far more in the beginning than I do now. "Time heals all". Rest, pamper yourself, let others pamper you. Grieve, cry, laugh, talk. It all really does help. And keep posting and reading here. Your sisters are all here for you!

I had my hyst due to adenomyosis 2 weeks ago and yes it does feel like there is a hollow place where it was. im having a lot of bladder pain too.
Im putting this all down to the fact that my uterus was fairly enlarged before the op, pressing on my bowel, bladder and sciatic nerve.

i have read on here that it can take time for you're organs to settle back in to place.

Hope you feel better soon

March hare

Hi Mermaid0109,

I also had a LSH and I agree with the other ladies. Everyone heals at a different speed.

I also agree with what March Hare said. It takes a little while for the organs to settle back into place..without the uterus present. For a couple of weeks post-op, I had a flip-flop feeling when I turned over in bed. And it also sounds like you are still experiencing healing twinges. I had that for approx. (6) weeks post-op.

Since you kept your ovaries...the sadness and depression may be due to sleeping ovaries. Sometimes the ovaries can go into shock in post-op due to the trauma of surgery. Generally, ladies can report sleeping ovaries lasting a few weeks. If the sadness and depression continues..you might check with your Dr.

I can just suggest give yourself some time with your post-op recovery. A LSH is a less invasive hyst and it is still major surgery. So just take all the time you need.

Sending best wishes~

Mary

You have my sympathy, you do need to grieve the loss of your uterus and know that as time passes and you build up strength you will start feeling more normal. This is a big surgery and your body and spirit need time to recover. Peace

I completely understand what you are feeling. On the 19th of Oct I went in for a polyp removal and ended up with an emergency hysterectomy. I feel depressed and scared. I wish I would have had time to prepare. I wish you the best of luck in your healing.

mermaid0109, don't believe you are the only one. I feel the same as my surgery could have waited too. I believed my surgeon when he said it was an easy surgery for him to do and I felt pressured in the end to do it as I'd stood him up on 4 other ocassions over 2 years through feeling unsure about it. I don't know why I finally caved in but here I am. This has been the most life-changing event I can ever remember. It has changed me and the healing and emotional stuff will keep on keeping on for as long as it takes. I have no way to help you with the regrett thing other than to tell you you are not the only one and all we can do is hope and pray things will get better. Hormones are powerful things and with these changes to our bodies right now not all of us will be laughing! I hope you find peace and know you are not the only one. Noop.

Dear Mermaid,
I am day 4 Post OP of a full hysterectomy (techinically day three as I didn't get home from my surgery/hospital until 10:30 pm on the 21st) It was my 13th and hopefully my last surgery due to severe endomtriosis. We decided 10 minutes before the surgery to due a full hyst(ovary too, I only had one left with a huge chocolate cyst on it) Otherwise my dr. said in two years we would be havingmy 14th surgery!!
I am still feeling overwhelmed at the whole process, I am only 37 but I was very fortunate after 3 years of fertility drugs and only one partially blocked ovary to conceive my son. I was booked for a full hyst. when I was 28 and two months before I was to have my surgery I got pregnant. I have a very wonderful and healthy 8yr. old boy. So due to that miracle, I hang on to hope and faith to get me through my rough times.
Yesterday I cried like a baby because I was mourning the loss of my uterus(my sons home for 9 months) and my ovary and even my chocolate cyst attached to it?? Bizarre I know, but we are very hormonal at the beginning and our minds go in very strange places. So with that said, the fact that you said you feel an empty feeling where your uterus once was, I totally understand how you would feel that way. Your mind and body are still adjusting to everything that you have been through. I hope that this surgery turns out to work out for you and improve your back pain. All of your feelings right now are normal, so please try not to worry. I wish you the best and I hope that empty feeling you have(which I also do too, just so you know you are not alone ) will soon pass. All my best to you,
Sincerely,
nzpendo
Nicole from Canada,
aka Monchichi

mermaid, This is all still very new for you, and it's complicated by the fact that all our emotions are tied to the hormones that were just completely upset by the surgery.

Pamper yourself during this time and include letting yourself grieve this loss in the pampering. As you get further out from surgery, your brain will clear, your hormones will get back in balance, and you'll adjust to what has happened to you and come to terms with it in your own way and time.